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-   -   I think I may have found another book to recommend (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=443808)

Tuesdayschild 03-21-2012 11:40 AM
I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
Loving our children on Purpose by Danny Silk

I HAVE NOT READ IT YET so if it is bad, please comment below!! But so far it looks totally GCM, but great for outreach because it comes from within the Christian mainstream (well, mainstream-ish; he's from Bethel church in Redding, CA and they're at the center of a huge revival so it's not totally typical ;) ).

Just thought I'd put it out there for comments; I'm going to start reading it now, anyone who wants to read / comment along please do :heart

~ Shalom ~

Barefoot Bookworm 03-26-2012 12:47 PM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
It's awesome. I'm reading it right now and he has amazing things to say. It's kind of like Love and Logic Light. I know he did spank his first but he doesn't support spanking.

Tuesdayschild 03-26-2012 01:10 PM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
yeah, i just got to a bit where he reassures the readers he's not going to take away their spanking, but then everything from then on is about how to parent without punishing and maintaining the heart connection :giggle

It's subversive GBD :)

I'm about half-way now.

amyhntr2 03-27-2012 04:46 AM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
A couple of my irl friends were recommending it the other day. One thing they talked about that perked my ears up was having a toolbox filled with different tools. If someone came to build your house with only 15 different sized hammers you'd fire them! Yet that exactly what many parents have for the task of raising their child.

mommasgirl 03-31-2012 12:02 AM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
I've read it, a few times over :giggle I loved it. It was a really great first GBD book to read to help us change out mindset.

PaperMomma 03-31-2012 06:52 AM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
:think maybe I should get this for DH then!

NewCovenantMama 04-01-2012 10:05 AM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
I love the way he explains why a punishment-based, control-based approach is harmful. He's not completely anti-spanking, but he's certainly not big on it. I also like his "think through it" approach, and the way he boldly speaks out on the issue of the kind of atmosphere we create with our words. He's very much into prioritizing emotional connection with our kids. :thumbsup

tempestjewel 04-02-2012 02:10 PM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
He does list spanking as a "tool" in his book, but says outright it's not how most people approach spanking (his example is a firm swat on a much older child for "rebellion"). It left me kind of :scratch and :banghead on why he put it in there, other then to appeal to punitive parents. I do think if someone were to pick up his book, and actually follow the relational advice, then it would help change the mindset that often leads to spanking. I do think it can be a helpful "gateway" book to GBD to people who are more resistant.

SalH 04-04-2012 05:54 AM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
Thanks for the thread and the discussion of this title, a friend of mine is reading the book and I think has promised to send me a copy.

Tuesdayschild 04-05-2012 07:05 AM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tempestjewel (Post 4552073)
He does list spanking as a "tool" in his book, but says outright it's not how most people approach spanking (his example is a firm swat on a much older child for "rebellion"). It left me kind of :scratch and :banghead on why he put it in there, other then to appeal to punitive parents. I do think if someone were to pick up his book, and actually follow the relational advice, then it would help change the mindset that often leads to spanking. I do think it can be a helpful "gateway" book to GBD to people who are more resistant.
I've now finished it, and this particular passage also left me :hunh:scratch although it is clear he did not hurt his son, or damage their connection in any way with this incident. What I also found worrying was that there didn't seem to be a lot of room for acknowledging feelings and helping kids develop emotional intelligence, a vocabulary to describe what they feel and told for expressing that in a healthy way. It's very much: are you going to be fun to be with or do you need to go away until you can be fun? So I didn't agree with that, and it actually bugged me a lot more than that one spanking example :bag

Overall though, I would still highly recommend the book, especially as gateway book (as mentioned above) and a way to help people move out of the punitive mindset. He does the 'why-to' of that really really well, imho.

On Fire 11-17-2013 05:59 PM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuesdayschild (Post 4556856)
I've now finished it, and this particular passage also left me :hunh:scratch although it is clear he did not hurt his son, or damage their connection in any way with this incident. What I also found worrying was that there didn't seem to be a lot of room for acknowledging feelings and helping kids develop emotional intelligence, a vocabulary to describe what they feel and told for expressing that in a healthy way. It's very much: are you going to be fun to be with or do you need to go away until you can be fun? So I didn't agree with that, and it actually bugged me a lot more than that one spanking example :bag

Overall though, I would still highly recommend the book, especially as gateway book (as mentioned above) and a way to help people move out of the punitive mindset. He does the 'why-to' of that really really well, imho.

I'm hoping to appeal to the fact it's written by a male Christian who's not pro-punitive (as a 'gateway') and pro-connection for my DH for Christmas so ordered it this morning. My husband's read nothing/very little on parenting and says he 'doesn't read' (unless it's to pass his voluntary Fire Service exams lol). Some of Danny's posts on FB seem a bit inconsistent (perhaps a bit insensitive and lacking emotional intelligence).

purpledaisy 11-28-2013 07:18 AM
Re: I think I may have found another book to recommend
 
This post has really helped me. i read the book and loved his take on scripture and his heart for children. I loved that he is against seeking to control children (or any person, his book culture of honor is great too)

I felt that some of his tools were a bit off the mark, though :/ particularily spanking and be fun to be around 9just not representing father Gods heart well)

I think it could be a good transitional book and that he has had a real revelation about parenting from God. I'm full of hope for a move in churches towards kingdom parenting and this is a big step in the right direction :)


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