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-   -   The ADHD stay at home mom (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=527417)

SewingGreenMama 07-24-2019 08:29 AM

The ADHD stay at home mom
 
It is so hard. But the more I learn about adhd the better I seem to be able to stay ontop of things.
I'm trying to decide between witing for our new insurance in Sept and trying to get in with an adhd trained therapist now. I've only made the connection between my daily struggles and adhd. And money, as always, is an issue with getting help.

Anyone else dealing with this? I'm interested in hearing from moms on meds but esp those who are learnning to function without meds. I'll not be able to try meds for years as from my research meds arent safe for breastffeeding either, so I'm not going to be able to try for about 4-5 years. I'm 5 weeks pregnant and I full term breastfeed. My current youngest weaned only a few months ago at about 4yrs 4 months old.

knitlove 07-24-2019 10:00 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
I work hard on setting routine in to my head so I always do x after or with y. Right now I am working on taking my meds with my last sip of tea at breakfast.

The other thing that I fight with is my phone. I need it for alarms but need to not get sucked in to it. Dh and I have talked about getting a Google voice thing ( we are an Android house - but I don't rember the name Google dot? ) So I could have my alarms to help and turn them off with out picking up my phone.



Full disclosure I am not managing my add with out meds. I was still nursing when I started, wiggle worm was 18 months or so, honistly I didn't do a tun of researching it :hid because I was not functioning so so badly ( it was very much starting to affect my marriage and parenting, everything was starting to fall apart) my Dr asked how often I was nursing and he said that the meds were fine. If I had been functioning even a small bit better I might had made a different choice.

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Sundance 07-24-2019 11:29 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
I also used meds while nursing an older baby

Trying life w/o meds now, so listening for ideas!

MaySunflowers 07-24-2019 12:31 PM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
I'm trying to push to get re-diagnosed. I live in a different country and my gp failed to transfer my records and since my own country destroyed them so I have no proof of my diagnosis.

After 14 years doing my own sahm thing.... I kinda forget how I functioned before "in the world".

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Sparrow 07-24-2019 02:14 PM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MaySunflowers (Post 6187150)
I'm trying to push to get re-diagnosed. I live in a different country and my gp failed to transfer my records and since my own country destroyed them so I have no proof of my diagnosis.

After 14 years doing my own sahm thing.... I kinda forget how I functioned before "in the world".

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I thought they were supposed to keep them?

knitlove 07-24-2019 05:58 PM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
I couldn't help but think about this thread, today we showed up an hour early for early birds' ballet class. This is the third, and last week at this time. I felt slightly stupid.

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SewingGreenMama 07-24-2019 06:36 PM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
I go through seasons of always being super early. Seasons of being late, and seasons of almost being on time. :Doh

Since getting pregnant, late has been a constant companion. I'm struggling so much. I'm also completely unmotivated and yet feel a desperate need to get the house ready. I'm drawn in several directions and feel a failure in them all.

My house is a disaster. My life feels like it's falling apart. I want to throw everything away, but I also feel guilty if I don't even try to sell stuff because with another baby on the way we really need the money.

I really want a maid, but that isn't an option. I'm struggling to keep on a school schedule. I need to find a way to schedule that is more flexible. So on hard days we can do easier stuff and on better days we can get more done and it can all balance out.

Sometimes I love my brain. Sometimes if feels like Paul's thorn in the side and I'm begging for it to be taken from me.

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knitlove 07-24-2019 08:01 PM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
(hug)

For school I made a system that worked for me ( it is probably way too complicated) I took our curricum that has everything all layed out for the week, I rearranged that in to subject lists that I called do the next thing.so instead of having. It all devied out I had all of history or science, so when we got on a tear and one thing was just cooking we could just keep moving on.

After I had the lists - actually I did this the previous year with out reorganizing the curricums lay out- I went though and color coded the tasks. Reading ( something I can just toss at early bird and she will always say yes to) writing ( something that two years ago I can to carefully protion out or she couldn't do it ) work sheet, activity. I also noted wheather something was something I was going to have to be right there with and what I could just toss at her.

It helped me to be able to glass at my lists and see oh my we have high needs tasks in 3 subjects comming up, I need to make certain I don't try to do them all in one day

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MaySunflowers 07-24-2019 11:56 PM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 6187165)
I thought they were supposed to keep them?

In Manitoba if you go without seeing a doctor for 10 years (unless it was 7?) They destroy your records. I investigated mine and they kept list of dates and who I saw only which is useless to me. If you had something serious like cancer treatment those records would exist with that doctor but not in the medical records archive.

Sooooo... because my first doctor here didn't act and request them as he told me he would, they got destroyed with time. I only found out years later when another doctor wanted to know something and pointed out they weren't there.

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---------- Post added at 07:56 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:52 AM ----------

My house is a mess too and I don't care most of the time as I get stuck in my thoughts which interest me no end.

I am always early as the world stops well.in advance of me having to be somewhere as I don't want to be found out that way.

Impulsive speech is a problem for me.... that combined with some slow processing that inserts the entire wrong word in sentences annoys me most.

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WanderingJuniper 07-25-2019 04:30 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
Take this all with a grain of salt as I in my super great precoffee functioning put the wrong milk in my coffee this morning and didn’t realize it till halfway through. So great...

I did not struggle until I became an at home mom. All the structure of schooling or work schedules along with the athletics my parents provided kept me keeping my stuff together. Problem was I could not duplicate that structure on my own. I self medicate with lots of caffeine (see pre-ramble to this post). For me it works most days. It took my husband working with me to run our home more like a I would run my job to have success. I still fight against routines and want to follow the butterfly more than a I want to sweep the floor but routines are required for my successful adulting.

I have lists and charts and brain dump books and calendars and ALL of them are essential to my functioning. I am so jealous of people who just know what needs to be done and when without all the extra systems of support.

All that said, I have also learned that a I need to schedule time to follow my shins and distractions. Currently that means I take a few days a year by myself and just wing it! I’m also an introvert so this random open day without responsibilities serves 2 purposes.

knitlove 07-25-2019 07:52 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WanderingJuniper (Post 6187221)
Take this all with a grain of salt as I in my super great precoffee functioning put the wrong milk in my coffee this morning and didnít realize it till halfway through. So great...

I did not struggle until I became an at home mom. All the structure of schooling or work schedules along with the athletics my parents provided kept me keeping my stuff together. Problem was I could not duplicate that structure on my own. I self medicate with lots of caffeine (see pre-ramble to this post). For me it works most days. It took my husband working with me to run our home more like a I would run my job to have success. I still fight against routines and want to follow the butterfly more than a I want to sweep the floor but routines are required for my successful adulting.

.

This resonates with me so much

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Elibellamiah 07-25-2019 08:12 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
I'm pretty certain that I have ADHD. I've never been diagnosed. I did mention it to my doctor last year but she blew it off. I did well in school after the first few years, but I think it was having structure and due dates. I'm not able to create that for myself.
I failed at homeschooling and gave up. On the one hand I'm happy with the school my children are in and have no desire to homeschool again, but I do feel bad that I failed and wonder why it's so difficult for me when so many other people can manage it. I seem to be able to do one thing at a time. If it's cleaning house, then I will have a very clean house for a week or 2. If it's working on making a photo book, I will spend hours and hours for days at a time making a beautiful photo book. If it's reading a book I will only be able to focus on finishing the book. But everything else besides what I'm interested in at the moment is nearly impossible. I try to make chore charts and things but it always fails. I often feel so overwhelmed that I just sit and stare.

SewingGreenMama 07-25-2019 08:39 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Elibellamiah (Post 6187236)
I'm pretty certain that I have ADHD. I've never been diagnosed. I did mention it to my doctor last year but she blew it off. I did well in school after the first few years, but I think it was having structure and due dates. I'm not able to create that for myself.
I failed at homeschooling and gave up. On the one hand I'm happy with the school my children are in and have no desire to homeschool again, but I do feel bad that I failed and wonder why it's so difficult for me when so many other people can manage it. I seem to be able to do one thing at a time. If it's cleaning house, then I will have a very clean house for a week or 2. If it's working on making a photo book, I will spend hours and hours for days at a time making a beautiful photo book. If it's reading a book I will only be able to focus on finishing the book. But everything else besides what I'm interested in at the moment is nearly impossible. I try to make chore charts and things but it always fails. I often feel so overwhelmed that I just sit and stare.

Yes, except for the schooling, I'm fighting tooth and nail to make it work because my husband and I hold very strong feelings about it.
But the hyper focus on one thing at a time ... Yes. I struggle with the constant interruptions. With the interruptions of having to cook from scratch most meals because of allergies. Having to do school. Keeping house clean. Keeping up with my middle sons struggles. Not having hands on accountability through my husband, not hands on help either both because he is a trucker.

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knitlove 07-25-2019 10:02 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
Yep :grouphug

Trying to homeschool is what was the straw that was breaking everything that made me get meds - school really be would not be a good fit for early bird so I am fighting everything to make home schooling happen

Have y'all read or listens to the blog/ podcast A Slob Comes Clean? It is the first cleaning anything that really makes sence to me. She totally has add but it isn't diagnosed and she isn't interested in looking in to it, but it so so explains lots. She talkes about having a ' project brain' as the way she thinks about hyperfoucing. She has a unique way of picking up and organizing that doesn't turn things in to a huge mess when you get distracted. She has two books that i haven't read. I have just listened to her podcasts starting at the beginning

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SewingGreenMama 07-25-2019 10:27 AM

Re: The ADHD stay at home mom
 
I love podcasts! I'll be looking into that!

Yes my 2nd has multiple learning disabilities on top of adhd, spd, midline defects, gut problems, and more. School would be hell for him. My oldest is very kind and sensitive and I know he would be deeply hurt by the clicks and bullying. I can't imagine trying to put them in school and all of the ramifications of their individual struggles.
Homeschooling is absolutely the best option. If I can get the house in some sort of shape and mostly keep it there then we'd be doing amazing.

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