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-   -   Why not time outs? (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=114884)

Blue-EyedLady 02-07-2012 09:36 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Awesome refresher course on GBD. I needed that today. :)

BlissfullyEsther 02-07-2012 10:46 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
I'm glad this got bumped. I've been planning my comfort corner for some time, now it's time to actually create it and print out the op for myself and dh to read and discuss. :)

I think I'll stick the printout on the fridge in the hopes mil will read it. It'll blow her mind since she thinks that dh should have hit our 2yo to "snap him out of it" when he was over tired and over stimulated by mil and fil's presence. Yeah, no.

thrillofhope 02-08-2012 02:10 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
I have a question. Do your kids hang out in their comfort corner during the day? What I guess I'm saying is, I'd hate for them to act out just to get to go to the comfort corner.

And if they DO hang out there regularly, when one child acts out and another is in the comfort corner, do you kick out the child that's there?

SewingGreenMama 05-30-2012 11:41 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Thank you for clearly explaining positive time outs! I've heard of them but the way they were explained really bothered me and made no sense so I completely dismissed it as an option! But now I'm going back and gonna figure out how to implement it.

Time outs with my oldest has always bothered me, but it was the least aggressive and punitive way I knew to stop (well attempt to stop) the melt downs, but he always begged to stay in the living room with mommy, but I only 'knew' that time outs would only work if the child was isolated for a time, but I always ended up having to go in and snuggle and talk to him, remind him that I love him etc.

Now I need to figure out how to start positive time outs without him thinking he is being punished.

Also on positive time outs, is it ok for the parent to be in the corner to snuggle too? Or is it a play by ear situation, if the child just needs a break from everyone leave them alone, but if the need comfort go in?

There is so much to figure out and I'm struggling so much trying to break deeply ingrained habits of punitive discipline that I find I spend half my time apologizing to my kids for the way I react. It has been hard and it seems to be getting harder, the habits break out at just the wrong moments and I just don't know what to replace them with is half the issue, which is why I'm so happy to have found you all and am still up at nearly 2am because there is so much I want to learn, and finally have the opportunity! I want my children to see Christ through me, not a tyrannical dictator, and that's what I feel like half the time!
Sorry I didn't mean for this post to be so long, just a lot of thoughts and long suppressed struggles and guilt bouncing in my skull that needed to come out. Thanks for listening!

ArmsOfLove 05-31-2012 12:36 AM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
:hug

I've always maintained that hugs are the least utilized and most effective discipline tool that God gave us :heart By all means if your child wants cuddles in the Comfort Corner and you can be there, cuddle away :yes

The key is that discipline ONLY takes place within the context of relationship and punishment damages relationship. This is why "spanking experts" will insist you must "reconnect" after the spanking--the spanking, by its nature, disconnects. The same is true for anything that could be defined as "adversarial"--it pits you against each other when God has put you on the same team.

If you focus on the relationship and on modeling and instructing in proper social behavior you will find a different tone to the relationship because true discipline can take place :hug

and I understand feeling guilty--but maybe you can start with modeling what it looks like to forgive yourself when you've done something wrong and how to put your energy into making amends :hug

rjy9343 05-31-2012 03:16 AM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove (Post 4661635)
The key is that discipline ONLY takes place within the context of relationship and punishment damages relationship. This is why "spanking experts" will insist you must "reconnect" after the spanking--the spanking, by its nature, disconnects. The same is true for anything that could be defined as "adversarial"--it pits you against each other when God has put you on the same team.

:idea Thank you! I think I finally get the whole point of GBD!


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