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-   -   Why not time outs? (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=114884)

ArmsOfLove 08-11-2005 10:38 AM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Well I would take them if they need help getting themselves there, but I'd make sure they have a vested interest in creating the Comfort Corner and are in the habit of spending time there. Then I'd say, "Hey, you need a break. I can see you are very upset. You need to go to the Comfort Corner and I'll see you when you feel better." Or something to that effect. I would consider using the 5 Steps to get them there, but most children love going there and it's not usually a problem once they are used to it :)

Christian_Princess 05-24-2006 06:58 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading this sticky. One thing though, I kind of feel that I would want to stay with my child during his time at the comfort corner acting as his "life coach" helping him work through his difficult feelings. Until he has an ample amount of tools at his disposal, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending him to a "comfort corner" to cool off by himself and to rejoin when he is ready.

I do agree that the comfort corner should not be a place that is used only when child is in a meltdown. It should be more like a meditative place where we spend time daily meditating, praying or just relaxing. For me, my comfort corner is my altar in my bedroom. I go there to recharge with the Holy Spirit daily and then when I am upset and need guidance from God.

ArmsOfLove 05-24-2006 07:21 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Quote:

One thing though, I kind of feel that I would want to stay with my child during his time at the comfort corner acting as his "life coach" helping him work through his difficult feelings. Until he has an ample amount of tools at his disposal, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending him to a "comfort corner" to cool off by himself and to rejoin when he is ready.
this is a great way to use it. I determine if my child needs time alone to cool off or needs me with them and take it situation by situation :tu

kristel 05-29-2006 05:36 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
I have been using time outs and 'sorry' also..So..What if child one has just hit child two ? I can't 'help' her since it's already done. If i do nothing will it continue? ..a little confused :shrug

ArmsOfLove 05-29-2006 05:58 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kristel
I have been using time outs and 'sorry' also..So..What if child one has just hit child two ? I can't 'help' her since it's already done. If i do nothing will it continue? ..a little confused :shrug

I know we've had some specific threads on this one that you may be able to do a quick search in this forum for. what I do is take the hand of a hitting child and say kindly but very firmly "No hitting. Hitting hurts." I then tell them (even at a young age) that they have wronged their sibling and need to make amends and lead the hitter to a gentle touch. If they are really wanting to hit then I redirect them to hitting something appropriate (mattress, boppy, pillow). This teaches what *to* do both in regards to the sibling (not to hit, make amends) and to the hitting (redirection to something appropriate) and as they grow into greater maturity they will have good habits :)

Beth1231 08-16-2006 02:10 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Here comes my third post on this board :)
The 22 month old that I nanny for is extremely bright and usually super cooperative with her mother and myself (I'm sooo grateful for this). This afternoon, her mother told me that the little girl had gotten her first time out a few days previously. It seems that she has been stomping on her dog's tail and laughing (I think she likes the dog's startled reaction?) and her mother had been gently and firmly reminding her to be gentle and showing her how to be gentle etc for about three days in a row. I think you can see where this is going. Finally, her mother put her in her crib (she stayed in the room with her) for two minutes and called it a time out and told her she needed to say she was sorry for hurting the dog. I asked her mom what the reaction was and she told me "it shocked her and shattered her world." :( Okay.....I'm very very new to all of this. Can you give me some pointers on how you think when your child repeats a misdeed a few days in a row? Is the gentle discipline thought process "reteach and redirect and remind" basically? Again, I'm super new to this (I've lurked a bit, but that's about it). Thank you, ladies :hug

ArmsOfLove 08-16-2006 02:15 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
to your list I'd add "remove" & separate the chilod from the dog but not in a punitive way :)

AppalachianMama 08-24-2006 12:33 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
This is fascinating. I may try it...dh is keen on the time outs...he may resist. I have to admit that I have been having this off feeling when I give ds1 a time out. Just feels so sad. And, it does feel too punitive when he comes out and says, "I never do that again." :(

norwaymamma 08-25-2006 03:42 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Thank you so much for posting this. I like the comfort corner idea. And what you said about apologies is beautiful. I mean it. :yes
I have a feeling I will be reading this post again and putting it into practice.
:ty
norwaymamma

Garnet 08-25-2006 03:44 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
is a time out with a parent acceptable?

ArmsOfLove 08-25-2006 06:20 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
I would technically not define time with a parent as a time out. One purpose of a time out is isolation for an arbitrary amount of time :think I would call what you are doing more like "taking a break" and with some children you do need a more black and white approach to this. I would just make sure you are challenging your goals for the break and make sure it's not adversarial :hug

Garnet 08-25-2006 06:26 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
we do this if someone is fighting with another or teasing/tormenting. Then we sit and discuss why we are sitting here, and how we could have avioded getting here. ( does that make sense?)

ArmsOfLove 08-25-2006 06:48 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
Yes--and I think that is fine. It's sort of like a "positive time out" the way a coach might bench someone until they are ready to return to the game. Your children are on the older side of "child" and so long as you work with them to reflect feelings and calm down so that they can hear the instruction you are engaging in the idea of "correction" or "come let us reason together". I think that is fine. I do think that by calling it a time out you will catch some flak in certain circles where the assumption will be the traditional time out.

Garnet 08-25-2006 06:53 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
probably..........but you know me I love to make trouble.....LOL (not really)

hakujin 09-01-2006 01:22 PM

Re: Why not time outs?
 
I am new to the group and just read about the Comfort Corner. I love it!! They boys and I are going to the store to get a few pillows, stuffed animals and some new books for our corner. I'm thinking of making a small milk crate book shelf and having books over there for me too. A quiet place to retreat is what we all need sometimes.


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