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-   Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/forumdisplay.php?f=421)
-   -   Salon Article on Pearls (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=160163)

raisa 05-25-2006 12:36 PM

Salon Article on Pearls
 
Salon.com has published its article about the Pearls . . . apologies if this has been linked elsewhere on GCM today (feel free to move)

Spare the quarter-inch plumbing supply line, spoil the child
http://www. salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/05/25/the_pearls/index_np.html

Edited to add: I just made my way through it to see that they quoted Jeri and linked to GCM!! Wow!!




happy2bmama 05-25-2006 01:01 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
OH BUMMER! You have to pay to read the article?

BeckaBlue 05-25-2006 01:11 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
there's a visa logo you can click on to read the whole thing free :)

Punkie 05-25-2006 02:20 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
Quote:

"It's a little swat on the back of the hand that says, 'Don't touch that,' or a swat on the back of the calf that says, 'Stop crying, buck up, be a happy girl.'
:hunh Maybe she needs to read VanVonderen about supressing anger...

DebraBaker 05-25-2006 02:48 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
It's chilling to read people's responses.

So many people with similar horror story childhoods.

So many people who are closed to the Gospel because they were beaten in the name of Jesus.

Debra Baker

Irene 05-25-2006 02:50 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by punkie
Quote:

"It's a little swat on the back of the hand that says, 'Don't touch that,' or a swat on the back of the calf that says, 'Stop crying, buck up, be a happy girl.'
:hunh Maybe she needs to read VanVonderen about supressing anger...

that quote stood out to me as well... :(

great job Meggan and Jeri :tu :hug

hsgbdmama 05-25-2006 04:58 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
:highfive :tu Another good article, with good links, so readers unfamiliar with these methods can see that there are places that actually sell these "implements." :cry2

hey mommy 05-25-2006 06:32 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
Quote:

." Judge and her husband followed the Pearls' advice when trying to train their infant son Noah not to grab forbidden objects: "Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, 'No.' Remember, you are not disciplining, you are training. One spat with a little switch is enough," reads the book. "They will again pull back their hand and consider the relationship between the object, their desire, the command and the little reinforcing pain. It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even in your absence."
Interesting(in a horrid way).. I did that by teaching DS from a very early age "these are pretties. We don't touch, we only look" about everything and now he asks "is it a pretty?" and if I say yes, he doesn't touch. Sad that they think you have to smack their hands to get the point across.. I did that once w/DS when he was 7 months old and felt like crud for it. He wouldn't leave the electrical outlet alone at my MIL's, and no amount of diversion or moving him away would stop him. He just went right back. It was the first time I ever smacked his hand(possibly the only). It worked, but I felt terrible for it and I know he did too.. :(


I remember my cousin holding her Ds, who was under 8 months old at the time, and trying to get him to sleep(though he wasn't tired, she just didn't want us playing w/him b/c she didn't/doesn't like us) and she was holding him towards her telling him "get on your knees' over and over and when he wouldn't bend his knees, she smacked his legs really hard. Didn't work. Just made him mad instead. So then she grabbed his legs and bent his knees herself, which I'm sure wasn't good for his little bitty knees.. I felt so bad for the poor guy.. I was ready to smack HER for it and see how she liked it!

Quote:

udge had to lock Noah in a separate room for fear she would "beat him senseless," she says. "I just wanted to know when that 'peace' the Pearls talk about was going to come."
Umm, well, if you are beating your child, it's NOT going to come!!!

hsgbdmama 05-25-2006 06:37 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy2cias
Quote:

." Judge and her husband followed the Pearls' advice when trying to train their infant son Noah not to grab forbidden objects: "Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, 'No.' Remember, you are not disciplining, you are training. One spat with a little switch is enough," reads the book. "They will again pull back their hand and consider the relationship between the object, their desire, the command and the little reinforcing pain. It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even in your absence."
Interesting(in a horrid way).. I did that by teaching DS from a very early age "these are pretties. We don't touch, we only look" about everything and now he asks "is it a pretty?" and if I say yes, he doesn't touch. Sad that they think you have to smack their hands to get the point across.. I did that once w/DS when he was 7 months old and felt like crud for it. He wouldn't leave the electrical outlet alone at my MIL's, and no amount of diversion or moving him away would stop him. He just went right back. It was the first time I ever smacked his hand(possibly the only). It worked, but I felt terrible for it and I know he did too.. :(


I remember my cousin holding her Ds, who was under 8 months old at the time, and trying to get him to sleep(though he wasn't tired, she just didn't want us playing w/him b/c she didn't/doesn't like us) and she was holding him towards her telling him "get on your knees' over and over and when he wouldn't bend his knees, she smacked his legs really hard. Didn't work. Just made him mad instead. So then she grabbed his legs and bent his knees herself, which I'm sure wasn't good for his little bitty knees.. I felt so bad for the poor guy.. I was ready to smack HER for it and see how she liked it!

Quote:

udge had to lock Noah in a separate room for fear she would "beat him senseless," she says. "I just wanted to know when that 'peace' the Pearls talk about was going to come."
Umm, well, if you are beating your child, it's NOT going to come!!!

Just a gentle FYI -- Meggan is one of our wonderful mamas who stepped forward to tell her story ... she has been saved from these horrid methods. :praise

hey mommy 05-25-2006 06:40 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
OH, I wasn't saing anything bad about HER!!! I was just commenting ont he Pearl method... I'm glad to hear she has been 'reformed'. :)

RubySlippers 05-25-2006 10:40 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
Thanks for the link. :popcorn

DebraBaker 05-26-2006 07:43 AM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
I think we have quite a few moms here who were negatively effected by the parenting gurus that prey upon the good intentions of young parents.

It's amazing to me to read some of their stories.

Thanks for the reminder.


callasandra 05-27-2006 06:00 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
Wow, when you read the article on the Pearls and then click on the blog Doc's Sunrise Rants we Christians really have a bad reputation. Kinda scary, makes trying to witness about the love of Christ so much harder when people view us as lunatics who abuse children. Where do these people come off saying that they are training their children the way God trains us?

Callasandra

TulipMama 05-27-2006 09:50 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
I thought what Jeri said was beautiful. . .

Quote:

"I believe that Christian parents from both approaches love their children deeply and have a heart's desire to follow God and to raise their children for His glory, and I have no desire to create further division in the Christian parenting community," says Jeri Carr, 35, a home-schooling mother of four in Washington state. Initially, however, Carr had trouble finding a place there for herself. She founded the Web site Gentle Christian Mothers nine years ago after determining that other Christian parenting resources ran counter to her "God-given mothering intuition." There was no Christian support for many of the "gentle parenting choices," such as feeding in response to hunger, as opposed to on a schedule, that she believed in, she says. "I felt very alone. "

Then Carr came across a technique called attachment parenting, a "secular" style promoted by other Christian parenting Web sites such as Arms of Love Family Fellowship. "I began mothering my little one more responsively and from the heart, making more gentle choices," she says. "I had always planned on spanking my children, but I began to realize that I didn't have to spank in order to please God, and God led my husband and me to discipline our children without spanking them."

But what about all those verses in Proverbs? "The 'rod,' or staff, our Shepherd holds is one that He uses to comfort us, guide us, lead us, protect us," Carr says. "As Christian parents we desire to show God to our children through our relationship with them, a God who is loving and gracious, who is always there for us and who answers our cries and treats us with gentleness and kindness."

Gentle Christian Mothers has also become, in part, a support community for mothers like Meggan Judge, who was at first convinced that Noah's recalcitrance was entirely her fault. "They tell us that if parents would only spank 'correctly,' parents will get the results -- the first-time, happy obedience -- that they desire," says Carr. "When it doesn't 'work' parents can end up feeling very guilty and worried that they are doing it wrong and are failing to do it the biblical way. They may worry that they'll wind up with out-of-control children, so they try harder to do it 'right,' and the battle continues. Children may end up bitter and angry, and deeply hurt, with a warped picture in their mind of who our gracious God truly is."

(This is from page four of the Salon.Com article. . .)

nutmeggmama 05-27-2006 11:21 PM

Re: Salon Article on Pearls
 
jeri, your words were beautiful!


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