Re: Common sense and intuition
 

Yes, that does make sense, at least to me. I think this is why I am more upset (MUCH more upset) at the thought of cold-bloodedly planning out a spanking session, than at a mom (or a dad) losing her/his temper & hitting. Because I know that temptaion to violence is in me, too.
But I do see it as a temptation, even (especially?) when I see it on paper as part of a "plan" for childrearing. It would :snootynever occur to me as leading to a positive result. :think

Re: Common sense and intuition
 

Just to throw another wrench in the works...

My best friend is an OB nurse and she says that instant, overwhelming, amazing, I Would Kill For This Child love that hit me the moment Sumo was born is, in no way, a universal experience. She sees many, many mamas who are borderline indifferent to their new babies or see them as a nuisance from the start. :cry So their "mama gut" or "instincts" would be a highly unreliable well to draw from in caring for their children.

Re: Common sense and intuition
 

This makes me really angry :mad

I fall into that category. I don't have the love at first sight thing happen. And I'm sure I appear to be indifferent to my babies. Mine have all been born by c-section and I've been on morphine. Also all of my babes have been taken to NICU regardless of if they actually needed to be in NICU or not.

You can't judge a woman's reaction to her baby child from a few hours of observation while she is recovering from birth. :no Especially not when you add in the after effects of pitocin, epidurals, narcotics, and surgery.

And frankly my first instinct is to make sure *i'm ok* I'm in pain and disoriented l can't move without assistance, I can't even lift my baby out of the bassinette without assistance.

Re: Common sense and intuition
 

No, that's a really good point. I think what my friend is saying is, you can't depend on a woman's passion for her baby to keep the baby safe, because not EVERYONE feels it right away. Could be due to medical issues, pressures in her life, drugs she's on, etc. You just don't know.

So there is some value in women having a set of principles to draw from in case the feelings take a while to kick in.

Hope I didn't hurt your feelings. That's all I was trying to say. :hug

Re: Common sense and intuition
 

I did not feel anything that close to love until Ivy was around ten weeks or so. But to say that I was indifferent or considered her a nuisance is harsh. Just because I was not totally in love with my baby as soon as I conceived her does not mean I found her to be inconvenient. Just that I needed time to get to know her and to develop a relationship with her. I also have to wonder how many new moms cover their fear by pretending they could not care less about the baby.

---------- Post added at 12:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:57 AM ----------

I have to be honest. I see why parents would think it to be the best way. I heard the spanking verses my entire life and until God opened my eyes, I believed that hitting was the ONLY way to ensure you did not raise godless heathens. But it is only because I asked to God to show me his way that I was finally able to see the distortions for what they are. I am not defending hitting children, I want to make sure that is clear. And having learned what I have learned, I have to wonder how on earth the Christian psychologists and pastors can in good conscience scare parents into hitting their kids.

Re: Common sense and intuition
 

I have had both medicated and natural births. I have not had that instant connection with ANY of my babies - even the one that I tried so hard to concieve after two losses and had 100% natural birth with and picked the most family orineted name of all of mine for. But seconds after her birth i was already protecting her insisting they not give her the Hep B shot that I disagree with. I can know to protect and care for my child and GIVE him/her love before it is a feeling :shrug3

Re: Common sense and intuition
 

Exactly, I researched everything and was ready to go to war to protect Ivy before she was born and after her birth. You don't need to feel something to know that you need to protect them.

Re: Common sense and intuition
 

I used to say that I ave no instincts, now I think I'd say I have trouble telling the difference between instincts and social programming. The thing is, what do you do if *all* options feel wrong? It feels wrong to leave my baby to cry *and* it feels wrong to disregard my father's advice that 'it won't hurt her'...
In fact, there are multiple instincts at play, in opposition to each other: One of the world's most basic/universal behaviours/values is respect for (perceived) authority. So if a respected friend/relative/pastor gives you a book telling you that it's *the* way, and the book makes that claim as well - and in choosing to read it, you're kind of placing yourself under its authority - then you've got an instinct-to-obey fighting your Mama instincts, if you even notice them. Then we're programmed to place the tribe above our individual instincts because being part of the group is so important to survival, so if everyone else around you is doing it, that's another instinct you need to fight. Even those of us who are attracted to 'alternative', counter-cultural stuff may feel uncomfortable talking about those things in a hostile group... And if it's what everyone is doing, then it must be common sense, right? And the people around you won't necessarily come out and say how they *didn't* follow the advice and in what ways they let their common sense prevail - they may not even be aware of it themselves, as others have mentioned the filter can be quite impressive - so you're left with the assumption that there's someting wrong with *you* or your child...

Probably enough rambling...