"The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

DS pulled this book off the bookshelf today. I can't remember when I got it/why I have it and I don't know that I ever read it, but I glanced through it out of curiosity. This is supposed to be a book about marriage. Here is a quote from page 28:

"The mothers who employed me [as a babysitter] were firm about one thing: after you put the baby to bed, do not get her up again. If she cries, let her cry. After twenty minutes, if she was still crying, I could check that the baby was okay and pat her back. But I could not get her up out of bed.
This was the best training I could have received. When Jay and I had our first child, I remembered this training...This process of allowing our baby to cry drove Jay crazy! He desperately wanted to go in and get Torrey out of bed, rock him, feed him, coddle him. I said no and was firm about it."

First, :sick, this book is going in the trash for that reason (and because prior to that they talked about the whole "marriage first, children second" twistedness).

Second, this is the second time I've come across how the husband didn't want to let a baby CIO, but the wife did, and thought that was interesting. I suppose it's partly personality styles, where a mother overrides her mothering sensitivity and a father shows more compassion??

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

This is interesting to me as well. We had dinner with friends who are expecting and were talking about parenting, esp newborns. I know that she has read The Baby Whisperer and really likes the idea of a "schedule". We talked about feeding on demand and how we really think it just makes sense. She kept coming back to, but did you have a schedule? Her dh (a biologist) really seemed to understand the physiologicial reasons behind it and I think is really on board with it.

I explained that there are times when you child will eat almost constantly because of a growth spurt and that really, if you are nursing it is not as much work as it may seem to be. No bottles to make, warm up, ect.

I don't know where they stand on sleep training, but am praying for them as they start this journey.

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

maybe she is just curious as to what it's really like.

my son had various "schedules" that he put himself on. so call them routines if you want, but he was pretty clock work until a growth spurt, illness, or tooth came along. he still does the same things at the same time nearly every single day. to me it's a schedule, but it's not one that i put him on - i think that's wherein the problem lies. there's nothing wrong with your kids being on a "schedule" per se, although as APers we tend to really dislike the word itself, as long as it's what works for your child and not something you came up with on your own with little to no regard for what your childs needs truly are.

my mom talks obsessively about schedules. i know she's a baby trainer, but i've been working at gently converting her to the idea that a schedule can really just be a typical but flexible routine and THATS OK! lol my son is one that happens to really like knowing what comes next. he gets really upset when things dont go according to the typical routine ie. lunch before nap, or dinner at 5. some kids throw routines out the window and fly by the seat of their pants...and that's ok too! lol

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

:sick

Bleah. I just googled for it, and if you look on their website the excerpt they have posted contains this section. It's got a bunch of arguments in it that can be countered pretty easily, too.

What I did find odd, though, is that one of the reviews praising it on the splash page is from Kevin Leman.

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

I'm not too surprised -- I've met some pretty callous women (I could have been counted one of them, had I not found GCM before kids:shifty:phew).

Usually when one partner is one extreme the other will tend toward the opposite -- not always. Too bad the dh couldn't influence his wife in this situation.:cry

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

Interesting. Wonder what her view on WOS is? Because if she were truly practicing WOS, she would have submitted to her husband's desire in this . . . Just sayin.

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

It's possible, but she has been really impressed by The Baby Whisperer and from what she has said about the book, I don't think baby-led scheduling is looked upon highly. I haven't read the book, so I don't completely know. :shrug3

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

I think it can be personality. IME, dad was far more sensitive and compassionate. He was raised in a non-Christian, violent and abusive home. He would have been totally for GBD if it had been introduced to him instead of Dobson.

Mom wasn't sensitive. She let me CIO. She spanked and hit. She didn't tolerate negative feelings. If I was sad or depressed I had to stay in my room. When dad was home he'd get us out to the park, or play a game with me or something.

I think it's personality

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

that's how it was when we started and i was reading ezzo. i would be sitting there in the living room crying while the baby screamed and he would question me, 'are you sure this is the right thing to do?' and i was commited to sticking with it. he was trying to respect my 'methods' but disagreed. we got the 'results' in a compliant child with a good schedule so then he talked me up to our friends.

when she was a toddler he'd say, 'why can't she just lie in here with us and sleep?' and i'd be all, "OH NO A ROD FOR OUR BAAAACKS! :("

we're both much happier now. he also never smacked the children ever, even though he still has a more punitive mindset so far as consequences etc are concerned.

Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
 

My dh is that way. Very nurturing! If I had wanted to do CIO, he would not have liked it at all I'm sure.