Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

I got this in an email today from Baby Center-

He may not have the vocabulary to carry on a conversation just yet, but don't be surprised if your toddler starts to mimic your telephone style with his own toy phone. You may also catch him imitating the way you act behind the wheel of the car, preparing meals, or cleaning the house. This copy-cat behavior can be charming or potentially embarrassing. Pay extra attention to your own language and behavior, so you don't inadvertantly teach him something you'd rather not see him do.

And ITA with it. My son is so cute as he copies how we do things. From clapping, laying on the couch, talking on the phone, it's very cute. So it just seems to me that when you have a child copying everything, the last thing you want to do is spank them. And I can think of 3 different children who are spanked who I have seen spank, either another child or a doll. It just seems so obvious to me that if my son is going to copy me with fun things he would copy me with non-fun things too. Another reason I am glad I don't spank. But what I don't get is how those that follow say the Pearls explain this away? Do they just think their child won't copy that part of what they are watching their parents do???

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

As all loving mothers know, copying what they hear and see is how children learn. The Pearls are unrealistic, unloving, judgemental and harsh. I do not like their "ministry" as it is unscriptural and lacks basic commonsense, wisdom and above all, grace. I despair for the countless lives that their teachings touch- they have the potential of hurting marriages and families and most importantly, innocent children. Let the little ones copy you- but try to give them something positive to emulate. Most of all, enjoy them- and take no heed what the Pearls say. Children are a blessing of the LORD- not a blight. Blessings, Glenys

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

Of course their kids copy it too. They just "train" them out of it if they don't like that aspect of their behavior. :sick But don't forget that the Pearls also expect older siblings to "discipline" younger ones. :no2


The whole ministry is just so incredibly sad...:(

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

We don't spank here (of course!), but ds still comes out with things like, "Jenni (our dog) needs a spanking!" just from ALL the spanking talk/action that goes on in the church and at the homes of our friends.

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

I'm trying to figure out why my DS6 jokingly says "I'm going to spank your bottom" when he's playing around with friends. He was spanked a handful of times before he was 3 but then we swore off spanking. Even then, I never used that phrase and it was definitely not a regular thing. As pp mentioned, maybe he's just heard it somewhere else. We definitely know people who spank but no one who's totally into Pearls and most people who do spank, don't make it a public thing. Anyway, I finally told him yesterday that I don't want him to play or say that anymore. We don't spank or hit in our house and we don't play like we do either.

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

:amen

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

MP has a story about seeing a little girl switch her doll for crying and not being happy. He thought it was great. :sick2

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

That's really sad :(

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

Actually, they (the Pearls) tell a story about a little girl spanking her dollies for having a bad attitude and raved about what a great mother she was going to be. :sick Apparently, that's the defining element of good mothering. :no2

They do allow older children to spank younger ones, and if kids hit other kids who are their same age (without approval in other words) they would be disciplined for that. So the kids would learn which people they are allowed to hit and which ones they're not... preparing them early on to accept and endorse the double standard of punitive Christian "discipline." :cry

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

Funny, I also recall MP extolling the virtues of that little girl spanking & chastising her doll. Made me sick.

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

Another aspect of spanking and hitting children is the resentment it builds in the child. Probably this is TMI, but as a young child and then teenager, my mother would hit me with her potstick from the laundry and leave bruises. And she would smack us across the face often which was terribly humiliating. Much as I love my mother, even today at 53, I sometimes burn with resentment at her treatment. And yes, I don't feel loved by her today- even though my head tells me I am. Does that make sense? :banghead

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

Prayerfulwife, it makes perfect sense to me. I've had the same feelings, and only whithin the last few years have I realized that my mother "loves me the best she knows how". All the while growing up, I thought she loved me, but she just didn't like me.

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

:( :( :(

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

I am a reformed spanker, but I was a more "passionate" spanker as opposed to a "methodical" spanker. Subsequently, my kids have learned to lash out when angry. They do not "spank" each other. We used to be good friends with methodical spankers, and I can't tell you how many times their dd spanked my kids. She always did it with this twinkle in her eye and a kind of smirk. Then she would insist she was just playing. It seemed almost like she was hiding something. She was upset at someone, so she spanked them, but covered up her upset by pretending it was all a game. My kids just get upset. They sometimes hit (usually not friends, but each other) when they are angry or frustrated, just like their mommy used to do. I do not like that my children have these negative behaviors, but at least we can all talk about how we feel...how we are angry and our actions were wrong. It feels honest at least. The Pearl people seem to be living with hidden emotions.

The Pearl's psychology is inadequate and dangerous. Modeling is a HUGE player in behavior learning.

Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
 

:td I can't tell you how mad I would be if someone spanked my child! It was extremely rare that I spanked my children- maybe once for the first child to haul him in immediately from running across the road. More of a "will you listen to what I am saying? It's DANGEROUS!" sort of thing. Once I smacked my grandson over his diapers when he was 2 because he consistently bit his grandfather and was going down to bite his arm a second time! It did pull him up. But I would have to say that 99% of the time it was unnecessary to smack my children. To me, resorting to smacking or spanking is a sign of a BIG failure in communication. By the time the spanking is administered, anger usually has taken over and it is impossible to spank in a controlled manner. And really- can you be in control if you have to resort to spanking? I don't think so! :blush So to have someone else spank my child/grandchild to me is unpardonable! I would be enraged! All the more so if it were a child administering the spanking! How dare they allow their kids abuse someone else's child? :hissyfit And again probably TMI, my mother when she was ill when I was about 6, told her visiting neighbour to smack me one day for a truly minor matter- (standing on a rocking chair looking out the window) Apparently I had been told to get down but didn't hear! Next thing WHAMMO on my little bare legs! I can still feel the sting today- and the feeling of betrayal from my mother! So I am passionately anti-smacking/spanking! And the couple of times I have done so- you can be sure it was controlled and appropriate. True love seeks to teach and build up knowledge and confidence in our children- love of self seeks to control and subjugate them! Sorry, Ladies..I will get off my soapbox now! Blessings, Glenys :sad2