ETLDTD - week 6
 

ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the power of Acceptance
REASON: this moment is as it is
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Empathy
VALUE: compassion

*Practice being peaceful in the moment by noticing things and describing what you see, without judgements. Notice the weather, plants outdoors, shadows, smells and sounds.

*Add a ritual to your child’s bedtime routine that involves saying goodnight to her body parts. for example, “I’m going to say goodnight to your ears (touch the ears) your chin, elbows....."

*If you find yourself getting upset when things are not going the way you think they should, take a deep breath. remind yourself that "this moment is as it is, and I can relax"

*Practice feeling your own feelings. Observe how anger, irritation, anxiety, and contentment manifest themselves in your body.

Empathy- handling the fussing and the fits

*Practice accepting and directly expressing your feelings. Use this statement: "I feel ___" complete the sentence with a feeling word.

*Catch yourself saying, "I shouldn’t feel ___" and replace it with "I feel _____and its okay."

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

Good reminders. I'll be working on "this moment is as it is. and move on". this week.

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

i am one of those people. i have always (i can remember instances from elementary school) manifested stress in physical symptoms. ... so i guess feeling them as feelings instead of physical symptoms would be a giant step in the right directions as far as being a good model for dd. i don't want to stuff my emotions, but i am not good at articulating them either.

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

this is a hard one for me! i tend to want to change situations, regret how they are, wish they were different, wish i had handled the last one differently so this one would be different...get my drift? i REALLY find it hard to accept each situation just as it is and not be wishing/trying/hoping it is different.

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

Ok, I tried toallow myself to feel my physical reactions today. Not sure I can identify them,but I was frustrated, hurt, sad when I heard my dd (5) say, "let's dump out the laundry bin". Now,this is the bin I spent an hour folding laundry into the night before. This is one of those attitudes that she pulls at least once a day that GETS UNDER MY SKIN!!!! Maybe this should be a separate thread, but how do you handle things when your buttons are being pushed? I was working as fast as I could to get them put away (the clothes), but they were bouncing! I yelled and had dd sit on the floor near me while I finished. Other ideas?

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

"blue's clues" :blush dd is in love with blue's clues these days, and so if i need to do something without her "help" (and the laundry always gets help... but usually just one load at a time, so not too frustrating :phew ) i pop in one of the dvds! dh bought her 3 blue's dvds for our trip that included two 5 hour and two 9 hour stretches of time in the car (i need either a trapped in the carseat icon or refusing to nap outside of my usual routine icon! )... so now she is constantly saying "cou cou" and doing the hand motions... but that also means that when it's time to leave the playground i can just say a certain magic phrase and leave with no mad tears!

i know this is not great parenting... mostly just :popcorn

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

how i handle things when my buttons are pushed seems to depend a lot more on ME (am I tired, hungry, feeling sick, overwhelmed) than the actual issue (this true for anyone else???).

when i'm doing well, i recognize it as a button issue for me and deal with it quickly, decisively and calmly. for you dd's great laundry dumping scheme, if i had overheard her say that and I was doing well, then i probably would remove either her or the bin while i matter-of-factly explained that we were not going to dump that and either talk about finding a dumping alternative after mommy was done (sand, water, cooking, rag basket) or just tell her she needed to bounce in another room so mommy could finish her work. with my 4.5 yo i'm often able to reason with her enough to distract her from her bright idea verbally while finishing the job, but if i can't, then she has to be somewhere else while I finish :shrug btw, i'm pretty protective about bins of folded laundry and keep them out of reach till i'm carrying them around to put them away to avoid mommy meltdowns, so i do understand!! :yes

they are still too young to really appreciate what we mommies labor for them, and i have to remind myself frequently that my kiddos aren't tyring to make more work for me, they're just playing and exploring. NOT SAYING this is you, but sometimes I have a warped perspective that they are out to make trouble for me :O and they are not, they are just playing or are bored and trying to do something new and fun

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

:yes :yes :yes

dh has been gone for the last week with one more week to go... so, i knew by about 5pm i'ld be a little :banghead , so i have been saving the blue's clues for that time period this week. i have also made a point to do something almost every morning (play date, visit a friend, go to the playground) as these things (new environment to explore) usually wear her out, and result in a better nap, and therefore evening!

mlrowley
i also "hide" things out of view when she wants something she can't have (i.e. laundry - on top of washer with door closed) if possible. one of my buttons is our ever so patient (or stupid) cat. he will let dd be a bit rough with him... and even when you can see he is getting annoyed, he won't go away (he can get places that she can't - the other two cats aren't usally bothered by her at all - because they stay out of reach or move when she trys to give them attention) and when i remove him or dd from situation, they go right back to it... :banghead

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

Thanks for the level-headed ideas. I too, notice when I am tired, etc that my responses are less patient. I do try to keep the laundry out of sight until going around to put it away. This was an exception to normal. I will try to more patiently distract her from her bright ideas.

jhaud, I totally understand about dh being away. Mine used to work 12-15 hour days and I felt like a single mom. I pray this week goes quickly and peacefully for you.

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

Hmm I lost this thread and now I found it.

*If you find yourself getting upset when things are not going the way you think they should, take a deep breath. remind yourself that "this moment is as it is, and I can relax"

*Practice feeling your own feelings. Observe how anger, irritation, anxiety, and contentment manifest themselves in your body.

I love how this gives us "permission" to have our feelings. We don't have to be afraid of our anger, we can just say "ooh, anger!" This morning I had to get out of the house. DS wanted to take a shower with me and for some reason I let him even though then I had a wet naked screaming toddler in the bathroom while I was trying to dry my hair. Meanwhile my cat was driving me BONKERS because we were out of catfood so she's whining, tripping me, etc. I was all ready to scream at the cat but I said out loud to myself "I am angry. Yelling won't help."

I think the yelling happens more when I deny my anger and it just explodes like it's determined to be heard. Reflecting my own feelings really reduces this.

*Add a ritual to your child’s bedtime routine that involves saying goodnight to her body parts. for example, “I’m going to say goodnight to your ears (touch the ears) your chin, elbows....."

This is such a good reminder . . .We are at the perfect age for this because words like "cheek" and "neck" are new and interesting to my DS. Bedtime gets stressful because I start to worry that he'll have trouble getting to sleep. I really need to remember the value of a peaceful moment with my beautiful son. And not constantly worry that it's about to go away.

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

robin, i'm going to copy this too! (2nd time i've written a quote from you in my notebook today - the other was "Hugs and kisses are FREE in my house. No one has to earn them" - honestly i need to use this for dh not dd )
i really think that reflecting my feelings could help me. i think that seeing it as reflecting my feelings rather than "feeling my feelings" will help me accomplish the feeling of them. i hope that makes sense :scratch i tend to not feel, or not deal with my feelings, and honestly don't notice them until i'm feeling hurt/angry/frustrated/etc

michelle, thanks for your prayers. this week actually went well. :amen dd knows i don't give in (as easily) so, hasn't been testing limits as much in the evenings - at least that's my theory! this is really good news because sometime in the not too distant future dh has several classes that he'll be out of state for (2 two week classes and one 5-6 week :( )

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

"I am angry. Yelling won't help."

I really like this! I'll have to try to remember to use it.

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

I have been practising this BIG time lately. DS #2 has been having major issues with being physical (gave me a bloody nose and split my mouth open the other night :cry) so have been very aware of how I am feeling. So this is a big thing I am realising too. And how I can be tense *when* I wake up before he does..Does that make sense?

Sorry I been AWOL the last week or so but the above is why

Re: ETLDTD - week 6
 

alysia :hugheart