Throwing things in anger
 

Please can I get some extra ideas about children throwing things in temper?

We just had a situation where 2 children didn't share (5YO demanded, 9YO threw something at him) and as a result 5YO had something narrowly miss his eye and punctured the skin below his eye.

The problem is that throwing things seems so impulsive for any of them (mostly it is these 2 that throw I think, I am not sure that DS2 does it much) but it doesn't matter to them in the moment of throwing how dangerous it might be, or how precious the thing is that they are throwing.

In particular, these 2 seem to have issues between them more than other dynamics in our house. It's very difficult not to say things like the 9YO will not be allowed to play with them for the rest of the day, or play with those particular items at all (but it might be hotwheels cars, farm animals, lego... all these things cause flashpoints. DH was listening but couldn't get there quick enough).

This isn't all the time but it's not uncommon either.

I can find ways of engaging them in things and making sure they don't play with toys much, or whatever but I am scared of admitting failure and making an always and everything rule which divides the children's friendships.

Any advice?

Re: Throwing things in anger
 

:think Why can't you say that the 9yo can't play with those toys? :shrug3 EVERY TIME something gets thrown, it goes away...it doesn't matter if it's the 2,4, or 7 yr old in our house. If something makes you lose your control over yourself than it's best if it's put away. :yes If it's a repeat offense it goes away for several days. Did the 9 yr old make amends to the younger sibling? Are there special needs for the 9 yr old?

Re: Throwing things in anger
 

So in our home, we just take away whatever has been thrown. But prior to that, once they are arguing over a toy, before it escalates, I usually try to intervene and take it. Mind you, not as soon as a dispute occurs, but usually you can tell when it is escalating to more than a dispute, that's when I step in. Of course, I do get the usual, "it's not fair, it's his fault not mine" thing, but I just reinforce "people are more important than things". It's not, by any means, a perfect solution, but it does tend to help.

Good luck.

Re: Throwing things in anger
 

Yes we normally try to step in too and am trying to equip them better for sharing disputes.

Of course I can take away the thing that is thrown but it's not really worth confiscating one little farm animal (the one that was thrown today) when if they are looking for something to throw it could be anything.

I could say the 9YO can't play with those toys but I am then enshrining a division between the boys. I don't mind saying that he needs a break from that kind of play for the rest of the morning / day but I can also see he's taking on a sense of failure.