Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

The church I go to is very much into Love & Logic(well, until the new parenting class came). Anyway, I listening to two moms talk last night & they were talking about how they have to remember to make their faces emotionless. So I asked why. Here is what I heard:

1. b/c you are supposed to be representing Jesus to your children. By remaining emotionless, you allow your words to have more impact.
2. B/c when kids look at you while you are talking to them, you want them to listen to your words. If you have a mad face and are saying "I Love you, you need to do such-and-such" then all that sinks in to them is a mad face.


I wasn't sure what to say after that. How do I respond to that? I'm not sure I agree with it.. Opinions?? I don't think Jesus had a stone faced expression all the time while he was talking....

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

That's really troubling. You should always be emotionally under control, but that doesn't mean emotionless.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

:hunh That's weird. I have listened to one Love & Logic CD and I did not care for it at all.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

I think by not showing emotion on your face, you're doing your child a great disservice. You're the safest place your dc has to learn about handling big feelings, and if they can never guess what's going on under the surface, you're teaching them very little by example. Robot parents are scary enigmas. :(

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

I'm not sure what I would say to that. I went to a class on L&L. There were a few things I picked up from it, but some of it just didn't sit right with me. I don't remeber them teaching emotionless though. I do know that when you are putting a child in "time out" you are supposed to say it in a sing songy tone. "Uh Oh. Someone needs some bedroom time. Come out when your sweet."

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

They may not have gotten it at L&L, I was just assuming since most of them do follow L&L.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

Yes, just like if you're hitting your child while telling them that you love them, all that sinks in to them is the hitting. :/

I agree that actions speak louder than words, but that doesn't mean we erase our actions so that they hear our words--it means that we need to make sure our actions are reflecting what we wish to say. If we want them to know we love them, then our actions should reflect it--*that's* how they "hear" our words.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

I guess I always pictured Jesus as showing His emotions on His face. If I'm mad and I look mad I'll say to my kids "Mommy is feeling really mad right now but I still love you." I think having and emotionless face would just teach your children to stuff their emotions too.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

That's a bunch of poo. Children NEED you (the general you) to show expressions and emotions, It is how they learn social cues. Up to a certain age, a child will for instance hear a very loud fire truck pass. They will look at the parents face to see what the parent is feeling. Does my mom look scared, normal, excited, etc. It's how young children learn. They cannot be good friends to other children if they do not learn this social cueing. They cannot process anger, excitment, hurt, etc, if they cannot physically see those emotions on an adults face. It's a great way to raise distance, socially ackward people. :sadno

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

Apparently it isn't all the time, just when disciplining the child.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

I still stand by what I said above. Children need to see our emotions/expressions in all things, including discipline. It helps show children that adults are real. And, showing no emotion during discipline is going to cause so many issues down the road. They won't learn how to handle and learn from constructive criticism later in life. It is also going to squash the child's desire to please the parent. I know one of the most motivating things for me as child was seeing my parents disappointment.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

uhhh yeah L&L doesnt teach emotionless faces at all. weird. i know it does a great deal of actually saying that we need to emulate and give real empathy and cmpassion ad not be sarcastic or ungenuine about it. it is really positive. again....not the cure-all but in my extensive reading of L&L books it does a great deal of teaching the importance of compassion, empathy, and positive, non-punitive parenting.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

Can you ask them their basis in the Bible that Jesus didn't show emotions? :hunh

I try to be calm when my children do something wrong but that is a far cry from being emotionless. This just sounds weird.

My second thought is that children reared in such an enviroment will have some serious issues about their own emotions.

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

Haven't you seen his pictures? He's got at best a slight smile. ;)

Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
 

:sillygrin