Sleep
 

I'm not sure I would call this discipline or not, but I think it falls in the same category. I really need to just walk myself through what's going on, see, I don't have nearly the issue with DS in my bed as my family does... I can pretty much say, "Whatever, we do what works for us." However, I kind of want some time by myself in the evenings, I want to be able to work on things for work and/or school and not have to have the light off, I want to watch a show on Netflix without worrying about content (not that I'm watching porn or anything, but I like all those crime shows like Law and Order that I don't really want kiddo listening to never mind watching). We were doing great, we have a very structured late afternoon/evening in our house because kiddo needs that. After books and Bible and the whole hour and a half long bedtime routine, he was falling asleep easily in his bed and if/when he'd wake during the night he would just come get in bed with me. I'm not sure what happened, he did get a new bed, however, the issue started a couple week AFTER that change. Now he won't fall asleep in his own bed, he's constantly trying to sneak around after being tucked in and all that. There are night lights, there are books and quiet toys, there is music if he wants it. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I really need some time alone. Any suggestions? He has a companion animal (a cat) who is more than willing to snuggle with him and sleep on his bed; it's not like I refuse requests for mommy snuggles. What to do?

Re: Sleep
 

How old is he?

The funny and wonderful thing about little children is that they really enjoy being around us. They like and they long for our fellowship. That's kind of an amazing thing, and it will go over only too soon.

Of course he needs his sleep and you need your sleep, and I understand very well your need for some privacy. But it looks like he is seeking your friendship and companion when he is not able to fall in sleep. That's actually a good thing. Try to be careful not to loose it while you make those adjustments you need to make.

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It wasnt just something I could expect when mine were little.It looked like going to bed and reading while they fell asleep.One thing you can try is letting him settle in out with you on something comfy,putting on a low stim DVD with dim lights and sound or having him lie on his comfy spot ehile you quietly read or he listens to music.Once he is asleep you could then watch something quietly.OR lying down with him until asleep in his bed or reading to him until he falls asleep instead of leaving him wake in there

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Mine is now able to fall asleep quickly with me lying with her reading on my Kindle. When she's out, I can go out of her room and do whatever. If she wakes, she either settles herself or comes to me and then falls asleep quickly again. She's four now, and I don't regret waiting till this point for things to be this easy (maybe it's just easy in comparison to the past, because my dad was shocked that I'd lie down with her nightly for bedtime:giggle)

In the past, and still, if she needs me during illness or if we are limited during travel, I use my kindle (or laptop, in the past) with headphones and am easily entertained if not productive. Sometimes kids are just needier. Tending those needs isn't a discipline problem :shrug3 That said, adult needs do matter too. Sometimes they need to be adjusted or set aside for a period but it's ok to troubleshoot and find solutions. One thing that helped my DD sleep more easily without me was tucking my pillow beside her body, below her shoulder area so she had a little counterpressure while she slept.

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Kiddo is five years old, I guess the actual sleeping part isn't that bad, not at all actually, in my bed, he sleeps all night without waking up. It's more that mommy is a single mommy and the only time I have by myself is my fifteen minutes of commute twice a day. I work at an elementary school with special needs kids and have my own special needs kid and I just want some time alone, you know? I'm also working on my master's degree and need to be able to work in the evenings. I got him a loft bed to save some space and because he's been begging for one for a year now, so I found a nice one and finally did it--- however, kiddo has a short mommy who cannot lift him up that high if he's sleeping and it's not a safe place for the both of us to snuggle. We read books while we snuggle on the couch every night, and then I have him go up and lay down in his bed while I read some of the Bible to him. So, it's not so much that he needs me... he has extremely high sensory needs, I'm covered in bruises from him pushing his toes against me all night long... it's that I need some time, too.

Re: Sleep
 

Perhaps he is old enough to understand your need for some privacy, if you discuss it with him. You could tell him that everybody needs some time alone, especially grown ups, in order to function properly. Just like we need food and sleep and prayer, we need some "time alone". Perhaps you can ask him to "help" you to get your "time alone". Kids can be very helpful if they know how to do it.
Perhaps you can introduce the subject like: You know what happens when a person never eats. Yep. He or she will get sick and very weak. And if we do not pray, we will become weak and we can not do the right thing God wants from us. And in the same manner, we also need a little bit time every day to be alone, to think and to plan. Especially grown up people need that kind of time. It is like charging a battery of your cell phone. Mommy also needs some time alone in order to charge herself for the next day. Can you help Mommy with that?
Then you could tell him that your "battery charging time" is after you have read the Bible with him and it is very important for you and if he can help you with it. And tell him how: of course he can always ask if there is a real problem like pain or fear, but if everything is fine, he could pray for you or do something else that's quiet if he can't sleep.
You certainly need some time. Perhaps there is a way to tell him it is for his benefit too. :)

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:hugheart
Its so hard some times needing a little space.

What about mornings? I have been lately trying to get up earlier in the morning. A good quality time in the morning I can count on to myself has been so helpful. There are times I don't get it, but the majority of days if I just have something simple like 15 minutes and a cup of tea by myself when I can meditate a little and soften and breath and relax then when the kiddos wake up I am happy to see them instead of inwardly sighing in exhaustion.
My kiddo needs me a lot at night as well and I realize his needing me won't last forever, so I try to do a little reading or whatever I can at night and then go for earlier mornings to relax and/or do paperwork on the days I really need to get in the office and get things done.

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The best thing EVEH in my house was "bed cards" - essentially hand made index card coupons he could turn in for one more snuggle or one more "need mommy" thing. I gave Alex four - he never used all four. He would come out of his room and I would walk him back in and say, "That's one card, please" as I picked it up from "the spot" and put it in the envelope taped to the outside of his door. I would then remind him that he had (three) left for the night. Many nights he used all but the one and many nights he didn't use any. It eased some stress because then I knew he was *allowed* to call for me and it wouldn't be more than X number of times. We only used them 3-4 months before Alex got the idea and didn't want them anymore. It might be good for you to use to transition him back to staying in bed. If you heard him sneaking, I would immediately call him on it (don't let him think he's getting away with it) and take one bed card. I would also remind him of the things he DOES have in bed to keep himself occupied if he woke up. At five it's not unreasonable to expect him to stay in bed most of the time if he wakes at night (though that depends on whatever special needs he might have).

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:cup


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Re: Sleep
 

I feel like I'm missing something. ITU about the loft bed since I'm also a short mommy but since you can't take him to his bed once he's sleep, can you: a) go somewhere else to watch/study/read or b) put his mattress on the floor for the time being?

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I agree, I think I'd get the mattress down and put it on the floor for awhile and see if that helps. If he's sensory seeking he might be sensory avoiding in some ways as well, and perhaps the loft wasn't the experience he was expecting. It might have taken him some time to figure that out.

I have a kiddo who used to push his feet into me all night too. It went on for years but he doesn't do it anymore. :hug2 Some extra propreoceptive input during the day might help.

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[emoji615] That's my lightbulb. I just realized my highly active, always touching and mouthing, super affectionate 5 year old (who is currently tapping a candy almond on his knee) is probably sensory seeking! (He's now placing an almond in each sock).