Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

Ok, here's the senario. My mom and I work the first hour nursey class at our church. We have ages 6 weeks to 1 year. We are one of three classes for this age range. A few weeks ago a mama comes in with her baby, S, who is six months old. I welcome her, and ask a few routine questions, will she need to nurse or have a bottle, does she have a binky, will she need to nap, ect. She tells me she is nursing, and S will not need to nurse until the end of nursery, (1.5 hours) Great, well what are the things she likes best? Toys, does she sit, crawl, rool over, ect. So mama then says "We had her in the other nursery class for two weeks and she cried the whole time. So if she starts to cry-" I interrupt, because I think I know what is coming, so I want her to feel sure that, "We will try to calm her down, but if she gets very worked up, and we cant callm her down in 2 minutes, we will page you" to which she replies "Well if it bothers you, thats fine, you can call me. But if you just stick her in the crib, she'll calm down on her own. That is what she is used to." I almost couldn't talk after that statement, but none the less reiterated, "Well we will call you if she starts crying" Thinking she couldn't say anything else to surprise me....but then she says "Yeah, I know it will bother the other babies" So after that I really couldn't respond. Ok so that was about three weeks ago. Since then I have notices/observed a few very disturbing things about S. She can not handle interaction. At all. From anyone. I know some babies need their space, and that some babies can get overwhelmed. So I tried to keep my distance, when talking to S. Not get too close, just maybe touch her feet, or stroke her arm, ect. But she would melt down. You know when you talk to babies and they smile and make eye contact and try to keep you attention? S does not do anything like that. She can not handle being on the floor (which I kind of understand, since she isn't sitting up yet, she may just not feel safe?) or a swing, or in arms. She only wants to be on her back in the crib. She will literally spend the whole 1.5 hours alone in the crib, playing with her feet. I peek in on her and try to engage her in eye contact or give her a rattle, but she cries. Last week I was talking to her and she gave me a half smile right before she totally lost it. I picked her up and took her out into the hallway, to calm down. She didn't calm down until I put her back in the crib and walked away. I can't just ignore a baby for the whole time. That is terrible. The other thing that I have noticed is that she seems a little behind developmentally. She is about 7 months now, and her muscle tone (especially in her back) is more like that of a 3-4 months old. Meaning, you can't put this baby on your hip, she can't really balance herself, yk? My mom noticed the same thing, without me telling her anything. Other volunteers in our room have commented on how strange it was that she laid in the crib for so long. When we take the other babies on a walk, we have to leave her behind with a volunteer, because she cries in the buggy. SO here are my questions:
1. I know she may have a delay or something, which may contribute to her behavior. It would really help if I knew though, so I could be a better teacher with her. Is it appropriate to ask? Obviously I wouldn't just ask outright, so how could I word it so it's gentle, and doesn't make mama feel weird?
2. Is this behavior enough to make you worry? I am very worried about her, but I know I can overreact, and mama seems vry nice...maybe she is just not doing well? I don't know, S seems extremely detached. If I was going to talk to my 'boss', the lady who runs our nursery, what would I say?
3. How can I establish a loving, atachedrelationship with S, when I can't even talk to her? WHat are some non-invasive ways of bonding with her?
4. Am I overreacting?
Thanks ladies, I am worried sick over S. :cry

Re: Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

Sounds really weird to me. :shrug Obviously you will want to proceed very carefully!

I would explain just what you have written here to the children's ministry leader. (Is that the same person as the person who runs the nursery? It is in our church.) He or she might be able to ask mama those questions for you and leave you volunteers discreetly "out of it".

:pray for Baby S.

Re: Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

:bheart for this baby. No advice - I nannied for a family with an ignored baby who had delays like that and I quit (I was really young and didn't feel like I could say anything of value to them about it.) :pray you will be able to help this poor soul.

Re: Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

Thanks rene for all of the excellent suggestions. I will definately try to catch S's mom next week (there are a few of us welcoming the babe's) and ask her questions like you said. She has more than one child, as I see her with a double stroller. I wonder what her other child(ren) are like? I've never met them. I do bring a sling with me every wek, and always have a babe in there. I will try slinging S next week. Luckily we do usually have one or two extra volunteers, so I will be able to take S out of the room and go to a quiet place with her. I know she is bf, so there is some sort of intimacy there, I would think. Last week when she got so upset I did take her out into the middle room, not the hallway where everyone is, but a room where there are not a lot of people walking by. I held her tightly (since she is not really holding herself up quite yet) and rocked and shhhh'd her. Maybe that was too many things at one time, like you pointed out. Ugh, I am just worried sick about her. I think about her all week until Sunday again. :cry :bheart

Re: Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

A 6 month old not wanting the attention of someone she doesn't know may not be too unusual. David would freak if anyone wanted to hold him except mommy, daddy and special grandma.

I would watch her when her mommy comes to pick her up, whether they "reconnect" and if S is happy to see mommy. I know my SIL's baby was slow in physical development, but not emotional. He would only lay on his back at that age too, not on his tummy, but he was always easy going with strangers.

David would also get overstimulated in an environment where there were all these people, so much going on, that too would freak him out. Maybe she feels "safe" in the crib and its less overwhelming.

When I have been in the nursery I found that carrying babies, facing outward(their back to your stomach) while walking back and forth and never stopping walking will calm almost any baby. They like the motion, and its less "personal" so they don't feel like they are accepting you when you are NOT mommy. :giggle Sometimes they will look at me and get this look "thats not mommy!" but then realize they kind of like this walking around stuff.... so much to see....

David was(is?) high needs/spirited, but I am not kidding at that age he would SCREAM his head off if I tried to SIT and hold him. He wanted me to walk around and hold him, or put him down on his tummy. If he was in the sling, he wanted me to walk. I could not sit without hearing about it.

Just some thoughts....

Re: Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

I won't add to the good advice you're getting about next steps, but thought I'd share what I've started doing recently. I'm only in the toddler room for one Sunday a month and there are one or two little ones who really tug at my heart for many reasons, but nothing I can really help with, so I've started adding a page in my prayer journal and jot down the name of each child I'm with that morning and one or two things I can think of to pray about for them. I try to include them in my prayers at least a couple times a week. Because I only see them once a month in the toddler room, it's helped me feel more connected to them and, when I'm prone to forget,:shifty it reminds me that they are ultimately in God's hands.

:hug2

Re: Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

Is it possible to invite her to your house for coffee or a playdate? It may give you an opportunity to observe mom and baby in a more relaxed setting, and maybe even get mom to open up about possible issues. It could very well be that the baby has sensory issues, but it just seems odd that the mom would suggest that you just leave her in the crib, or that she would even bring her to the nursery AT ALL.

Re: Worried, what should I do? (long)
 

Yeah thats what I think. If my dd had sensory issues or anything that I thought would send her crying for hours at a time, I'd definately tell the teachers, yk? I'm still planning on asking her what she and her dd do at home, cause I think that will give me some more insight.