Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

I am in choir at my church and as we were all waiting backstage on Sunday to come out, somehow the topic of parenting came up and a fellow mommy, who also happens to be the lead female worship leader and who is also very much pro-spanking, asked me in front of everyone if we spank. I think she was expecting me to say yes, but when I said no she played it off pretty well. I could feel the stares from around the room...and just wanted to disappear.
I've never been asked straight out before, nor have I offered that information to anyone except for some rare one-on-one cases where I felt it would be well-received.
When we got home I told DH that now everyone is going to know and that we might be excommunicated *sarcasm* and his response was "Good! I'm glad they know now." I'm so thankful for a husband that is on the same page with how we raise our kids, but I don't know how he can NOT care what people think. I wish I could be more like that.
Anyway, now DH wants us to make a list of our reasoning as to why we do not believe in spanking so he can have an answer ready if anyone brings it up.
:nails

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

Your dh sounds great!

(I mean that in a non-creepy way:shifty)

So, what are your reasons?

How awesome that your DH is so on board. Mine is as well. Doesn't it just make you shake your head though that *you* are the weird one because you don't hit your children? It's like we're living in some sort of backwards land or something. I just can't get over it.

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

:clap for your DH (and you ;))!

Really, I think having a list of reasons is a great idea. :yes Are you looking for help compiling some, or are you just sharing (which is totally awesome BTW :tu)?

I have to say...that was a rather rude thing for that lady to come out and ask you in front of everyone. :shifty But I'm not a fan of being put on the spot at all...so that may be where that's coming from.

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

That's awesome! I'm jealous that your husband is in agreement w/ you on the no spanking thing.

I'd be interested in reading a list of reasons :cup

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

:clap

After the fall out was finished, coming out of the no spanking closet was sooooo awesome. People say stuff to me now, and its so much easier to just disengage. I hope it goes smoothly for you. :hug

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

yes..be so thankful ..:heart

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

Your DH rocks. :rockon

You might find this Letter to a Pastor About Spanking helpful. :yes

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

That seems really odd that she asked you outright :hunh. I think it's great that you and your hubby are united! You guys will be a great example to the other parents :yes. :heart

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

Once I stepped up and admitted we don't spank , it became easier each time.

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

Almost 9 years in, and I'm still slowly coming out of the closet. It's definitely getting easier to be more vocal as I get older.

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

I haven't had this issue about spanking, but something very similar happened about TV a couple of years ago. I was at a playdate through a moms group, so I kind of knew the other moms but not really, and near the beginning another mom asked me directly if I ever let my son watch TV. I don't, so I said so, although I wouldn't bring it up because I know it can be so emotional.

Throughout the WHOLE rest of the playdate, the other moms kept bringing it up, and how useful they thought certain videos could be, or how they used to say "no TV" but then they realized that was unreasonable, or how I could only do it because I had one child, and as a mother of 3 there was no way..... on and on and on. If it had just been one conversation, I would have left, but it just kept being a sentence here or there peppered in. I felt very cornered.

What helped me, and I hope could help you, is realizing that they are only so defensive about it because they had doubts that they were right. My being different brought up fears that they were wrong, so they had to reiterate their position over and over, and list all their reasons. It wasn't really for me, it was for themselves; I just happened to be the catalyst.

:heart:heart:heart

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

I , too , have been the catalyst for several alternative things I do.

It helps when your kids grow to teenagers and a whole 'nother set of brand new parents find out you stopped/didn't spank(ing). "But your kids are so nice , so well behaved..."

The proof really is in the pudding.

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

It's easier to be "outed" when you have older kids :yes

I kept quiet when they were small, because you can't spank a 3yo out of being 3 :shrug no matter how much relatives ALL just KNOW you can. :rolleyes2

Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
 

Thank you. I know those things in theory, but it helps so much to see the words written out sometimes! :heart

It's nice to think that I'll probably be more comfortable being more vocal about our parenting as my children get older :yes