5 year old stealing
 

What do we do?? He's 5.5, will be 6 inDecember. He just takes things wherever he goes. He convinces himself that it should really be his because he loves it or nobody really wants it or its just trash. He went to the neighbor's porch and took things from under it, he stole a game from the beach house we rented, he takes things from other people's rooms. Buttons, neat boxes, stupid things like a can of tuna, nail clippers, a hot glue stick. I've posted before about how he wants things to be just his, well he will say over and over and over that something was bought for him to get us to agree (we don't) and then he believes it himself and argues that we gave it to him (we didn't!). I have to inspect his bags and pockets when we leave a place to pull out all the things he takes. Sometimes it's stuff he just found on the ground out in public, sometimes it's something he stole. He doesn't seem to see that things belong to people. I'm thinking of emptying his room so I can see everything in it but we have no storage and I dont know where I would put his things in the meantime. It's hard not to think of harsh punishments to spare him from the future we are afraid of.

Re: 5 year old stealing
 

That's a hard age because it seems like they're old enough to be rational, but they really aren't. I think you just keep checking his pockets (if you want to try not to single him out you could even do a pocket check on everyone when you leave somewhere) and you can decide how you feel about having him bring it back to the person and confessing to stealing it and apologizing (I once had ds take a library book he had ripped on purpose back to the librarian and tell him what he did. He was shy and I ended up telling her but he was right there with me. He never, ever destroyed another library book after that, even though we were kind and gentle about it- both I and the librarian. So sometimes having to admit it to someone or even stand there while your mom admits it can be helpful- it's also the right thing to do to admit mistakes). It would be easy to pull the "how would you like it if someone took something of yours?" but a kid that young will know they wouldn't like that but can't understand how that as anything to do with what he is doing. I would be really careful not to label him a thief, though.

:hug2 It's hard to have kids do impulsive things, but try not to project this on his whole life- like don't think about what's going to happen in 20 years if he keeps this up- just focus on the here and now. He's little. He's impulsive. Eventually it should click for him.

Re: 5 year old stealing
 

I agree with what Aerynne said. When you find that he has taken something, go with him to personally return it and apologize for taking it, or to pay for it if it was from a store. I would also give him opportunities to earn some money through some age appropriate chores (or from being a helper to you) so that he is able to buy some things here and there that are just his, and explain to him that people work to have money to buy the things that they want and need. I get being worried about it for the future :hugheart He is 5 and a half, and there is a lot of time to help him work through this. A lot can change with time, and love, and guidance, and teaching taking responsibility for one's actions, and making amends.

Re: 5 year old stealing
 

My son stole a candy bar when he was about 5. I marched him back into the store and asked for security. Turns out you have to be 10 to be a felon. I'm glad I know that 10 year olds will get into big trouble for stealing! And I was so disappointed when security was two boys in regular clothes. They might have been 20. Silly me for not realizing that is who does security-people who blend in and can catch thieves.

(I didn't want my 5 year old to be in jail, but I wanted him to know it was serious!)

I talked to the cop at Kohls about it a few days later, and he told me not to worry about it...that he had stolen a candy bar at that age too and now he's a cop! :lol He said it sounded like I'd let my son know it wasn't okay and that's enough.

Chronic stealing would be another issue though, and I'd want professional advice.

Re: 5 year old stealing
 

Does he have an emotional attachment to other inanimate objects, like at home?

Re: 5 year old stealing
 

I'm with ECMama. While I agree he's 5.5 and has plenty of time to change/outgrow/understand, I'd be concerned and not only require restitution but get professional intervention because this sounds outside "age typical behavior."

Re: 5 year old stealing
 

I know in my head that this doesn't doom him, it's just hard to separate worry from appropriate action right now. As for earning things, he won't do that. He will do chores that he is required to do, but he won't do them for money. I wish he would, because he loves owning things, we've tried to make it as easy to understand as possible, but he just won't.

Yes, he does. He loves to have things that are only his. He was never one for lovies or carrying things around all the time, but he has always been a collector. He collects anything and everything. He has special rocks and sticks, he has a nature collection, a treasure collection, and he is VERY attached to toys and clothes that are his.

To be more clear about this, he has never stolen from a store as far as I can tell. He always wants to buy something (we used to have to practice going to Target without buying anything at all because he would throw a fit when we didn't buy him something) but as far as I know he has never stolen like that. He takes things from other people in the house, like the buttons for instance came off my swim suit and I had them up with my earrings where I keep them on the mantel. He went looking in my things up there and took them. I found them when putting him to bed that night. It's always like that. Sometimes as soon as I point out that something is mine, he gives it back. Sometime he argues that it should be his or he will say something like "thank you for giving it to me". He took things from the beach house we rented (quietly put it in his backpack, I found them when we got home), he took things from my parent's house (a bunch of little things he packed in his suitcase), he took things from the neighbor's house (we live downtown, houses are close together, it wasn't hard to do). He just kind of assumes everything is his to take.