Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

My fist fits in my purse. And we know the kind of damage that can do.

I am ever so grateful I got the "me vs. the kids" mindset out of my head.

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

I am ill.

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

I've heard of blanket wrappings used to calm kids with sensory issues often in Autism circles but as I understand it its not to be punitive the idea isn't to incompasite the child but to provide kinda a coocon that might be comforting. I know mine own likes it if I get her blanket ad wrap as or her up in it and kinda bear hug her. She feels more secure if its "snug"

Deanna

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

If your teachings are OFTEN used to defend child abuse, don't you think they ought to be thought about a bit more? Perhaps, re-thought entirely?!

:no2 :cry

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

:cry
I read this a several hours ago and I have not been able to shake the sick knot that settled into the bottom of my stomach. :sick2 I ache for all the precious children out there that are being abused with the teachings of that horrible family. I :bheart

I just picture that sweet little boy in the arms of Jesus. :happytears

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

I just posted Matthew 18:1-6 on my living room wall amongst pictures of my kids... my dh thought verse six was a little "harsh". I told him it came straight from "the Man" :shrug and we need to listen to it.

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

Dear Heavenly Father ,
I am physically ill at the thought of this sweet child dying such a cruel death. I find myself being judgemental towards the mother. I find myself thinking violent thoughts and wishing the mother ill-will. I find myself looking for a millstone to tie around her scrawny little neck. I find myself smiling at the thought of her drowing with that millstone around her neck. I find myself saying "it would serve her right". Lord I know that is destructive to MY mental health. Lord I know that any punishment you see fit to deliver to her will be more than enough. Lord I also know that if she falls to her knees in forgiveness , that you will show grace and mercy upon her soul. Lord Jesus give me the strength and mercy to pray for this fallen mother. She desperately needs you Lord , but right now , I cannot help my ill thoughts. I am overcome with them.

Please Lord help me to put this situation away from me. Help me to find the balance between compassion and not dwelling on it. Lord I also ask that you take these horrible thoughts of the mother and create in me a place where I can go for peace. Lord I want to pray for all the mothers and fathers out there who are beating their children under the assumption it's the "right thing" to do. Lord I want for you to use this senseless death of an innocent child and turn to use it for good. I know my wants and your will don't always match up. Lord if there is something more specific I can do to show other parents that the Pearls and Ezzos of the world are misguided...Lord place that something specific on my heart and enable me to spread the word. Allow me to be non-judgemental.

You are Sovereign , You know all...I might never know why you allowed such a thing to happen. I pray something good ,somewhere in the world , comes out of this. It's so hard for me to process such violent deaths in such small children at the hands of their parents. I simply don't get it. And Lord I know that YOU do get it...let that be enough for me. I want to thank you Lord for giving me the tools to raise my children with grace and mercy. Thank you for showing me that spanking wasn't working. Thank you Lord for taking me from an angry spanking mother with a me vs. them mindset , to a loving caring mother who embraces that her children are different.

Lord I pray for peace for the remaining siblings. They must be going thru so much right now. I pray for the friends and family of that small boy. Knowing he's in your arms right now Lord , knowing he's at peace and not in mental and physical pain anymore , God it brings me such comfort. Help me please with these confusing thoughts. Help me to move on with my day , my week, Not in a callous way , but in a healthy way.

I also pray Lord for continued strength in raising these precious children you have given me. Give me courage to do the right thing , give me strength to lead them , give me peace when I'm angry and allow my kids to see you thru me. Please use me in that manner Lord.

And always, It's your greater will that needs to be done , not my wants. Allow me the wisdom to see the difference when things don't work out the way I think they should.

It's in your son's holy name I pray these things ,
Amen

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

That is a wonderful prayer, Jennifer! :hugheart

You are correct, we cannot be judgmental of the mother; however, it is also my prayer that justice be done for this innocent child -- and that the message is sent loud and clear that these horrid, horrid methods are **child abuse** not Biblical discipline, and therefore are not protected by the Constitution. :pray

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

Amen, to Jennifers prayer :amen

I too was struck by it being an adoptive family, as some of you know I struggle with this issue with family as well :bheart Its gonna go on my blog as well.... :cry

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

I am angry, oh, so angry! :mad Yes, I too, want the tie that woman (she is NO mother) up by her thumb nails and hit her with her own plumbing hose until Mr. Pearl himself comes to free her. But that cannot and will not happen and now that anger is vented by us, I have a question to ask of you. What are you going to do about it?? Are you going to mourn that little boy's death and turn and hug your DC or will you go one step further and take action? Mandy Locke left her e-mail address at the bottom of the article for people to contact her reqarding that article. Why should we be silent when their is much that we can say and teach and promote? Why should the evangelical name and the name of Christ be tarnished by the Pearls and Ezzos, etc. Should we not stand as one and defend our Christ and tell the real truth about the meaning of the rod verses and that it is not okay to hit your child?

Her address is: mandy.locke@newsobserver.com

Please write her after you have cooled down. Collect your thoughts and voice your concerns and write. Not in anger but with love and concern for all the children who are in this type of situation. Let us hold the Pearls accountable for this death. I will write and I will voice my opinion even though I haven't been here that long and am just now learning the correct and loving ways to disciple a child. Crystal (and others), please write Mandy and explain the rod verses to her. I feel uncomfortable taking your literature and sending it to her. It would be so much more effective for the author to do this.

It is easy for us to sit here and weep and cry over that poor baby and the other children in that family. Now let us be called to action. Let us call upon that same power and that same courage that Peter and Paul called upon and through the Holy Spirit and let us unite and bring this issue into the public eye. :grouphug

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

:bheart :bheart :bheart



Very well said. I believe that gets to one of the key problems with what Pearl, et al, are teaching. The mindset of control, must control at all costs--with very few tools, the chief one being physical punishment.

I wish Michael Pearl, Gary Ezzo, Elizabeth @ the Woodshed, Tedd Tripp, and the others within the modern Christian community would take a minute and reflect on what they are actually teaching and the impact they are having on parents and children. I wish they would take a few minutes to read this article and pray about what they preach to the many:
Avoiding Millstones: An Open Letter to Those Who Advocate Spanking By Rebecca Prewett

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

I stopped reading after the 3rd paragraph... :cry :bheart

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

I couldnt even get through the whole story.... :sick2 Oh my word. It really amazes me that people think it is right to beat your children with a plumbing pipe!!! I used to be a punitive mom, but never in that degree EVER! (I yell)
I am sick..... :sick
That poor little boy..my heart aches that he leave this world in such a horrible way, but now he is with Jesus :heart :candle

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

Okay Girls, I have done what I said I would do. I have written to Mandy Locke and voiced my concern over the Pearls, Ezzos, etc. My letter is below. Please join me. The more that write, the less easy it will be for this topic to be swept under the rug and forgotten. :sad2 This is something that we never want forgotten. :happytears Please write! Please help! There is so much more that needs to be said, and it must come from more than one person.


Dear Mandy,

I was so disturbed when I read your article concerning little Sean Paddock. My heart just broke and I felt that I must write you. I was raised in a home where corporal punishment was given and my dear children were raised in the same way. How I wish with all my heart and soul that they had been not! I am a grandma now and what I have learned and seen when I have been with my daughter over the course of my little grandson's 20-1/2 months of life is that there is a better way to discipline. That a person doesn't have to hit or switch or spank in order that they be obeyed. For the last 5 months, I have read and learned and listened to counsel about gentle disciplining. I have talked with other mothers and have learned many, many things, but I still have much more to learn.

Please do not think that all evangelical Christians believe the material the Pearls put out. We do not! Many Christians have been led astray by teachings put out the Pearls and by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo and others. Just because there is a Dr. or Rev. or some other title in front of or after the person's name, many people will believe anything that is written just because that person is a Dr. or Rev. , etc.

Gentle Discipline goes far beyond the "no spanking" rule. It includes helping the child recognize his feelings and actions, to know which actions are apprioate and which are not, we acknowledge that the child is having a hard time dealing with his feelings and we help the child through those feelings. We give the parents and child tools they can work with in order that child learn how to control those feelings. Gentle Discipline is just that. It is gentle, yet in the gentleness, there is discipline. That child is our disciple who learns from us as we teach them.

In the world we live in today, if I disagree with someone or if my employee doesn't do exactly what I want, what do I do? Do I go up to them and yell and scream at them and then hit them? Never, or else I would end up in court. Yet, the western world thinks nothing of yelling and screaming and hitting a child. Why? Why do we demand instant obedience from a child when we cannot do it ourselves? Hasn't it been proved over and over that abused children are more likely to abuse others as they grow older? When does this all stop? Jesus never ever hit his disciples when they were wrong. Jesus taught them the same message over and over, again and again and still the disciples didn't understand what Jesus was trying to tell them. But Jesus did not hit them for not understanding His message. It wasn't until Pentecost that they realized the fullness of His truth.

Jesus held children in high honor. He said that we (adults) were to become like them in our humility, our faith and our trust of and in God (Matthew 11:25; 18:1-6; Mark 9:37; Luke 10:21) and He blessed the little children and asked that they be brought to him (Matthew 19:14; Mark 10:16; Luke 18:16) and He also gave a warning to those who makes a little child sin (Matthew 18: 6).

How then are we to treat children? There are two passages in the Bible that, I believe, says it all:
I Corinthians 13:4-8a "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, alway hopes, always perserves. LOVE NEVER FAILS." Looking at this verse, can we truly say that we love our children?

The other verse is found in Galatians 5:22-23a "But the fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control." Can we say that we act this way toward our children? We try to act this way toward other adults, but why not children? And if we cannot demonstrate these actions to our children, why do we demand for them to instantly display these very same qualities the exact moment that we demand them to? We say to our dear children, "Do not hit your brother!" and then we precede to hit them for hitting. The "Do as I say, not as I do" mentality must be realized and stopped. And the only way to do this is to confront the false teachings of the Pearls and the Ezzos with what the scriptures truly say about the rod and our children. There is another person I would rather have write you about the rod scripture. She knows Hebrew and is a Messanic Christian and also author.

Please feel free to contact me and I will be glad to answer any questions you may have or put you in touch with others who can answer your questions. As I have said, I am still fairly new to Gentle Discipline and am still learning, and there are many mothers at gentlechristianmothers.com that will be able to help you.

In God's peace,
Bobbie Cook
Nyssa, Oregon

Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
 

This is the most dangerous aspect of the Pearl's teaching, IMO (speaking as someone who was once influenced by their teachings. :blush :sick2)

They "break parents in" to their ideas by starting off with so-called "training" instead of punishment. Parents learn to give their babies, crawlers, and toddlers a quick little "training" switch along with a pleasantly spoken command... it's NOT punishment--it's training. :no2 :neutral The child is not disobeying (yet) b/c they haven't been trained yet, says MP. ( The repetitive switchings don't come in until the child is already supposedly "trained" and has decided to "defiantly rebel" against the parents' quthority.) With those very simple beginning switches, parents ever-so-gradually start to turn down the volume on that inner queasiness. MP doesn't mention the fact that as a child progresses from babe to crawler to toddler to preschooler (and so on) they expand their world, thus testing more and more boundaries in more and more ways--presenting more and more opportunities for parents to train with physical violence :bheart :hissyfit . Parents who follow his advice often find that they've upped the ante farther than they ever imagined, but it happened in such a gradual way that they can't quite articulate how they got to where they are.... and they have no idea how to stop/change... what to do differently. :/ They don't know what to replace their punitive parenting *with* and in many cases their entire belief system and theology has to be called into question before they can even consider other options.

A child in the Atlanta area was killed a few years back with the same thing--plumbing line. The man apparently received his disciplinary advice from a man at church (and I think the pastor as well) but I remember listening to the details of the case on the news and feeling very strongly that this was the Pearl's influence being passed along. :mad :bheart I am wondering how many other, unpublicized incidents of child abuse/homicide have MP's teaching at the core. :bheart

Thank God for His merciful guidance and hand on my family's life--for saving us from the path of Pearl discipline. Thank God for Crystal's book that gave me answers to my questions when I was trying to sort out where to go next. I praise Him for this ministry and for Jeri and all the ladies here who supported and guided me as I struggled to find God's heart in my parenting. :heart

It also occurred to me to write to the reporter and thank her for publishing this story, share with her how and why we turned away from MP's teaching, and refer her to some of the resources that have been such a profound help and blessing to our family. The more publicity this gets, the better, IMO. It's a tragic way to "spread the word" but there are many, many families out there who need the wake-up call that this article might bring.