My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

I like many things that Kevin Leman writes. Some of it is great. I was reskimming through his Have a New Kid by Friday and came across something that flat out made me :mad. It was in regards to shy children. He says.....

He tells a story in that section about a little girl who said she was too shy to talk to the old people in the nursing hom and another girl tells her "My Mommy says that being shy is thinking about yourself more than thinking about others. It's being selfish and thinking your better than other people.

:(

What a negative spin to put on shyness. I was very shy as a young girl. Painfully so. I wanted more than anything to be able to be more outgoing. Eventually I did find a way to reach out to others and it became easier but it was a long road. I am just introverted. I certainly wasn't trying to manipulate anyone. And I definately didn't consider myself better than others. The opposite could have been said.

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

:mutter

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

Wow. :hunh

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

I've never heard of him before but he sounds incredibly ignorant and egotistical. Ironic, really.

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

Like the OP said, some of it's great, but some of it is totally off base. He's one of those eat the meat, spit out the bones authors.

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

I've always been a shy person. What Lemen has to say is so off base. I'm glad I didn't have parents that read that when I was growing up...It would've been so hurtful & confusing to be called selfish & manipulative for being shy. :(

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

Could he possibly presume a more negative intent?? :mad

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

I don't agree with him. I'm shy NOW. I'm a mega introvert. I don't like small talk and yakking endlessly. I like being in my skin. Being shy doesn't mean you're manipulative. It just means you're shy.
Sometimes it means you talk a bit longer to open up and get comfortable with people. Being shy means that folks shouldn't try to throw you into cold water, but they should let you get used to it at your pace.

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

He obviously was never shy himself. How horrid! I like a lot of his stuff, but he is so far off base on this one he's not even in the game. :mad

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

Shyness can be a bit painful. Like waiting through a force field that gives you shocks or trying to walk through bees. He doesn't geth ow it feels to pick lions over a cocktail party.
I totally would too!

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

he is in fact very much an extrovert. he talks about that in some of his books. so it could very well be that he really DOESN'T understand what being shy is like. But still, that would be like me assuming that an extrovert just wants all of the attention because everything is all about them. I would never assume that.:shrug3

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

I'm an introvert too...but I agree with him a tiny bit. :shifty I don't think a shy child is being manipulative. I certainly think they should be able to warm up to pp at their own pace (it takes me a while too). And making small talk is a huge effort for me.

BUT it helped me a lot as a teenager and even now to realize that my fear of what people think of me holds me back from being able to help others. In fact, when I don't say anything to someone b/c I feel shy, they often interpret that as me being snobbish or disliking them. Just like an extrovert who dominates the conversation could be considered self-centered, me not talking at all in some situations is also self-centered.

I do think that quote puts a really negative spin on the issue though especially when talking about young children.

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

I have a niece who did/does use shyness as a manipulative too. It was VERY aggrivating, BUT I think she's an exception to the rule. :yes2

My kids have had times that they were very shy and it just took them longer to warm up. Once they felt comfortable, a stranger walking into the room would have never known they were feeling shy 10 minutes before, KWIM?

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

This. I'm betting he has known a couple of people who use shyness as a manipulation tool and bases his theory on this. My mother in law uses her "shyness" to get her way and play the victim. It is infuriating and I can understand how if someone has seen this in a few people can make this assumption about shyness.

Re: My least favorite quote of the week from Keven Leman
 

even some of the more punitive teachers out there say to honor shyness until at least 10 yo when they will be more ready to learn social graces :(