Tying Heart Strings
 

I have been in a couple of discussions with a friend of mine who believes there is value in Ezzo, Pearl, Tripp etc. She says take the meat throw out the bones. I say trash is trash. Anyway, in discussing some of Pearl's philosophy she told me that he really has mellowed (untrue if his answers to critics are anything to go from) and he really deals with "tying heartstrings" so well.

My question is what is tying heartstrings? I think she got frustrated that I wouldn't agree with her and sort of closed down. Does it have to do with tying your children to you in love? If that is the case I say, maybe you shouldn't have destroyed the trust in the first place.

If anyone could tell me, I would really appreciate it. I don't want to read his work myself because it makes me sick and depresses me that people believe that garbage.

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

Practicing attachment parenting is "tying heart strings". Read any book by Dr. Sears or many others recommended here and you can learn how to tie heart strings without having to sift through the garbage.

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

I get the same from the mother of the family we meet for our weekly play date. She reads TTUAC every year, to "keep fresh". She is a die-hard Gothard/Pearl person. According to her, it has worked *wonders*! And, I see how she deals with her children. She is *always* telling them she loves them, she is *always* hugging on them, etc. I haven't told her, but I submit that it is this AP thing that is what is working for her. . . . not the glue stick she carries in the diaper bag. She says that Pearl is all about a very strong relationship, and "tying heart strings". Apparently, she is the rare one that can completely not see the ickiness, and just wants to see what she wants to see. If a person is strong enough, Bible-savvy enough, has loving examples and a tender and loving heart, and knows where to look, to be fair, he does cover this very thoroughly.

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

:sigh I deal with this too. People who think the relationship aspect of that stuff is just *so* wonderful and joyful, that they look past all the yucky stuff and don't even realize that they are simultaneously destroying relationship :( I agree that strength of your relationship does help with discipline, but I find it sad that a lot of these "gurus" so quickly do things to sever the relationship or distort it- confusing love and pain in ways that I find so :sick and unhealthy.

I really, really dislike the "gleaning" concept when it comes to adversarial/punitive stuff. I think some mama here posted that it's like eating brownies with just a little dog poop. Pardon me, but I prefer just brownies with no poop!

Or, to me, it's like trying to cook a gourmet meal out of stuff in a landfill. Sure, it can likely be done, but you risk contamination and have to ignore an awful lot of, well, garbage! No thanks. I'd rather go somewhere without the potential for poison!

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

I agree! I have a friend who has read TTUAC and she told me that "There's good things in there, even though I don't agree with everything. Each parent has to make their own choice. They should be able to tell what's not good."
I said that maybe not every parent can see the dangers and take the good without the bad. I haven't received her thought on that yet! :shrug3

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

I agree there are resources that have areas to glean from:

1-2-3 Magic
Kevin Lehman
Ilg and Ames books
Love and Logic

But the Pearls are based on bad exegisis. They are flawed foundationally. They completely ignore the good and accurate science behind child development and progress. Tying heart strings? Duh. Connect with your kids is a basic.

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION TO FOLLOW.













Would you eat brownies with a little bit of poop?
Or drink soup with a little poison?

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

There's developing secure attachment, then there's punitively enforcing a boundary that says your child is not allowed to even look like they disagree with your will so that they become expert placaters.

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

Pearl's teachings are based on manipulation, thought control and BF Skinner behaviorism. The Tying Heart Strings is part of the manipulation. Children who are raised that way end up with Stockholm Syndrome. They often believe that it is great and continue in the error, subjecting their own children to the same treatment. :cry

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

I like the blogger who said that looking for the meat is like looking thru a cat's litter box for one Tootsie Roll. Gross but true! That is my new line the next time someone uses that phrase on me!

Mommyo6

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

Karen - thank you so much for asking this question. Since all of the Pearl/Lydia Schatz discussion began, I've been wondering about this tying heart strings thing. And I COMPLETELY agree with what you said: "maybe you shouldn't have destroyed the trust in the first place." :yes

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

To the meat/bone analogy, I say that the Pearls' teachings are like fish bones. They are pervasive and likely to lodge in one's throat. :blah

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

Thanks for all the respnses. But can you tell me what tying heartstrings means?

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

Basically like doing things with your children that builds bonds between you. Tying strings from your heart to theirs and thiers to yours.

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

Thank you. Well that is just silly then. It seems like if you followed in the Pearls path you would be in an endless cycle of build up and tearing down. No wonder the kids come out messed up. I think I will just stick to gentle parenting and focus on building those bounds of love, trust, and nurturing. (Not that I was remotely considering trotting down the bizarre Pearlized path.

It is sad, I think we are no longer friends because she couldn't browbeat or manipulate me to her way of thinking. I am not good bully victim.

Re: Tying Heart Strings
 

It is sad. :yes2 They do like to bully people. :think I found a blog entry from a mom who had some concerns about the Pearls although she was not against them by any means. This was in 2006 when people were boycotting HomeSchoolBlogger over the Pearls. Reading the comments is surreal. She asks questions and the Pearl followers keep accusing her of attacking a man of God and being divisive. :scratch Eventually, she became very anti-Pearl. :praise