Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

I think for a lot of people there is a "selfish" element to wanting to adopt. I wanted to be a mom. My body wasn't cooperating. So I adopted. It was about *me* in a lot of ways. Our children were both newborns when we adopted them. We were in the delivery room both times. They weren't in "need" per se. It wasn't about that. I'm not going to go into more of their story on a public board, but I will say this. The FAR vast majority of infants who are placed by their parents voluntarily are not in "need" in the traditional sense, and never would have been. That doesn't mean their parents don't have valid and important reasons for placing them, but they weren't in "need" because they were true orphans, or removed from their families because of severe abuse.

Everybody needs to pray about their adoptions, and what they want them to look like. Wanting to raise more babies is a fine reason to want to adopt, but it is vital, no matter what path you choose, to be as educated on ethics as possible. You can't approach adoption from the point of view of wanting to save a child, or rescue a child. Sometimes there is an element of adoption in that, but to move entirely from that motivation is dangerous. It leads to children being put in the position of needing to be "grateful" No child should be made to feel grateful that they were adopted. If they choose that feeling, that is one thing, but when parents go into it with the express purpose of rescuing a child, that sets up a bad dynamic.

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

!!!!!!!!!!! What? Why are they are allowed to do that? What bothers me is the idea of hurting these children for life. They've had enough trauma and don't need more! Those poor cubs!
I would like to be a foster parent. I've done some research on older child adoption and I am not sure if I am mature enough for it because those poor kids will act out and if folks can't have the patience and compassion to deal with them without pain and extreme punishment... urg. It will make it so much worse for them. Adopting because you want to save them is a horrible idea. These kids must be your family and you must be ready to respond to their acting out with love and compassion!

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

I think it's important to point out that Sally Clarkson is not anything like Nancy or Above Rubies. Instead, she's an example of graceful mothering.

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

To raise a bigger army than the Muslims. :shifty Seriously, I heard her say it. :doh

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

Yeah, our last church said the same thing, and was pushing QF mentality.

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

How dumb. You can't build a strong army if you are doing some of the same stuff they are doing. EI, Reducing women to ONLY having tons of babies, tormenting said babies with soul destroying hitting, women not having an equal education to men. What are they THINKING? It doesn't seem like a healthy mentality at all...

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

:ty
I guess I don't really know the difference between them. Sorry for lumping them together!

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

Sally Clarkson is wonderful. Her blog is www.itakejoy.com. She has some amazing books out on mothering such as The Ministry Of Motherhood and The Mission of Motherhood. Definitely check her out.

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

And that is exactly what I said without the colorful sailor wording when I kept having that mentality shoved onto me as "the way" that all "biblical women" should be. :yes

It isn't healthy.

Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions
 

I'm not comfortable going into details on so public a forum, but I know (to varying extents) several Christian families who have fostered (or are still fostering), adopted from the UK care system and also from China. They are not all "professionals". I haven't discussed the details with them but I know that they would normally talk to older children about their attitude to their family fostering/adopting and I wonder if it was as a result of those kids saying that their family wanted to adopt because of their faith that led to much of the interview being about their faith? I have to admit also to curiosity (which you should feel under no compulsion to satisfy) as to how they adopted a baby in the UK when they already had children unless it was a private adoption. (For US readers who don't realise, there are not many babies available here and it's extremely rare for birth parents to choose who adopts their child - it's a totally different system in that respect).