So why is it...
 

... That there are so many legalistic, punitive books out there on how to raise your kids - especially in the Christian community? (Although DH points out that similar philosophies can be found in Islamic and Bhuddist teachings.)

Why do so many parents accept the advice? What deep need are parents trying to fulfill by reading/applying the information in these books?

:scratch:scratch

Re: So why is it...
 

Good question.
Posted via Mobile Device

Re: So why is it...
 

Perfection. Getting it "Right". Godliness- (see perfection.) At least, that's what I'm trying to do, I'm just trying to do it AP style. We have to come to the hard realization that we aren't perfect. And that life is messy.

Re: So why is it...
 

I dont know but it is so sad!

Your dh has found that kind of philosophy toward children in Buddhist teachings?! I am really surprised!

Re: So why is it...
 

Well, you asked for my opinion... :shifty

Because of sin.

Re: So why is it...
 

It is easier to take what feels like practical advice (do this, don't do this, let them do x, but not y) than to set down to the real work of relationship parenting and the abstract idea of 'living out your faith'. We are in some ways about check lists and authoritian answers. Non-legalistic parenting requires us to grow, requires us to sacrific, requires us to be so involved in a relationship that we can see the other persons point of view - even if we need help from parents further along the jouney to talk us through our fine tuning process.

What legalistic parenting can never duplicate or replace is the powerful blessing that is being able to teach your child by example what it means to follow Christ to the best of your ability in all parts of your life.

Re: So why is it...
 

DH's experience is with Cambodian Buddhism (3 missions trips there), if that makes a difference. And the philosophy is less of a legalistic one, but more like relegating children to a 2nd class citizenship, and therefore vulnerable to abuse. I see many of the Pearl/Gothard philosophies leading to a similar attitude - children are little heathens and so are 2nd class citizens.

Well, yeah, of course it's because of sin... That's not really the answer I was looking for, though... :lol

So why does the Christian community train us to stop thinking? Shouldn't Christians be the very ones encouraging others to think?

:think Excellent points. :think Legalistic parenting is certainly easier than thinking through every little thing. And the fact that you have to admit that you haven't "arrived" but are still growing in your own relationship with Christ is tough, especially for anyone who struggles with perfectionism.

Re: So why is it...
 

Big picture church history: power. Knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption needs props. Keep knowledge away from your underlings, so that they can't gain power for themselves (and take it from you...) and you'll keep your life of ease... I'm not sure, even with Reformation, Schisms, and Protestants, translations, denominations and theologies that we're any closer to teaching the freedom of the gospel. We're definitely getting better at the illusion of it, though.

We should be the ones encouraging others to think! :yes TRUTH should be able to withstand any scrutiny, right?

Re: So why is it...
 

I think there is such a fear of not raising godly children that "we" put rules and regulations and think that if "we" can control our children then it will be easy peasy. And "we" will look like "good" Christians if our children are behaving and are controlled.

Re: So why is it...
 

All legalism stems from a desire to have control. If I do xyz so that in return God will love me, I am in control of what God does. If I parent according to xyz so that my children will be xyz, I am in control of who my children become. There's no rest or peace in that control, no joy or contentment. It's a constant fight.

Re: So why is it...
 

I think....(and I'm not normally like this)....that it's Satan's work.

CS Lewis does such a great job in Screwtape Letters trying to "get in" at Satan's mind. I think many of the points Lewis makes about different areas of Christianity could be applied to Christian parenting...

....make parents think they have control, in order to turn them away from God....

....use parents to demonstrate violence and hate, in order to turn kids away from God....

....use parents to turn others away from God, by "parenting" in God's name....

....use the fear of the world to keep their kids insulated, so that the spread of Christianity can be slowed/stopped.....

I honestly think that the majority of punitive Christian parents are deceived. :shrug3

Re: So why is it...
 

Well first of all, it is based on assumptions. We assume that spanking is in the bible because "all" christians believe that, and are hence suspicious and even closed to testing their beliefs in this area. A herd mentality.

It fits in with our desire to have control.

It appeals to our sinfulness and sanctions outbursts of wrath.

It provides a "solution"

Re: So why is it...
 

Along with the other reasons, the one I see the most often is pride. The more control we have, the better we look on the outside, the more 'together' our family seems, the more accolades we get from other humans. Rather than getting our worth from Jesus, we are searching for it from fellow man. And the way to get it from man is to 'look better'. Part of that is total control over children, since punitive parents take full responsibility for the choices their children make. Every single punitive parent I know is looking for acceptance from someone. And I think THAT comes from being punitively parented themselves, they are seeking the power/control that was taken from them as children.

Re: So why is it...
 

:yes

I think that we look too much to the outward when judging another's Christianity (I mean we in the loose sense of the word, not the ladies here at gcm). So if someone has "wild" children then surely they aren't walking the walk. Perfect parents don't have kids with addiction problems or daughters that get pregnant as teens. Good Christians don't have tattoos or weird piercings or dye their hair pink. There is a box that is kind of the standard Christian look and the way our kids behave is a part of that box.

I don't think I'm saying what I'm thinking. :think Or at least I'm not saying it clearly. But ashermom said a lot of what I'm trying to say, so I'll stop here.

Re: So why is it...
 

:yes4
I agree. Especially with your last sentence, which I think is a big, big, problem. More so right now, because we have all these "gurus" offering "the perfect child IF you do as I say".