Lazy Homeschool Child
 

My 9yo son does a half job of all his work, if he does it at all. He will spend all day sitting at his desk, but not doing his work. His 7yo sister will sit down and be done all her work in about 2 hours max, though it is usually closer to half hour. She will be done all her schoolyear soon (we started late due to moving, and then ordering), but he is not near done. He is continually falling further behind, and I know it is not that he doesn't understand it. He just doesn't want to do the work.

I went to mark work he told me was done last week. I sat down and instead of diagramming sentences, by the numbers he just wrote Yes and No...which had nothing to do with what he was supposed to do. I went onto the next sections to just mark what I could, and have him re-do the other stuff later, but the next section he wrote a word by Number 1 and 6 (the tops of the columns) and left the rest of the answers blank...again nothing to do with what should have been written there. Then when I get him to re-do it he frowns, mopes, sometimes cries...it is really hard to be cheerful in the face of that.

Does anyone else have a difficult child like this, who refuses to work? And what did you do to get your child to do the schoolwork?

As it is right now, he will be lucky to get his Gr. 4 stuff done before next year starts...I never had siblings or anything that were quite like this, and so I don't know how to relate to this. School was just something we did. I try to really sit near him and keep an eye on him, but I do have 5, pregnant with #6, and they all need time too. Would love some advice, encouragement...:heart

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

All kids are different and my younger homeschooler could not work that independently and stay on task at age 9. I would give her an assignment and go over it with her briefly and keep number of problems to work on low and keep her closeby and things went well. And then look it over before giving her the next.Would also keep it brief and not do very many things in one day. Lots of breaks and moving about in between.My older homeschooler had to move or not sit at a table and chair or sit at all.he did well standing or curled up in a big chair that rocked with a clip board to write on :hug2

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

Thank you! So with your child like this-did you year-round school in order to get everything done?

I like the idea of having a summer break, as well as breaks throughout the year when needed, which we have usually been able to do. But I don't know if I can do anything but year-round school with him, in order for him to be able to finish everything. I know that as soon as it is summer, I start getting asked by relatives (who mostly disagree with homeschooling anyways) if we are done yet. I know as soon as I say that we year-round school there will be alot of open anger/tense conversations, since they think that I am doing my children an unjustice already by homeschooling...

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

He also sounds like he may be a nonwriter in which case diagramming sentences would be like torture and hard for him to do.I kept writing to a minimum for my non writer and would make sure he got how to do it but wouldnt make him do more than 1 or 2.Lots of narration and would just check off what he told me verbally. I did not school year round but it sounds like you also had some interruptions like the late start and moving this year.Are you using a writing intensive curric? He may do better with another kind. My non writer is now a YA and can type things all day long but still has a hard time with writing. Working with them the way I described actually took less time than trying to grade papers later and discovering they hadnt gotten the concept. I would take some kind of summer break or just work on things a couple days a week.

---------- Post added at 09:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:55 PM ----------

I know you are a mom of many but it might do you all some good to take a break and do some fun learning things if you can and just pick up where you left of. I dont year round homeschool time wise but like idea of working on levels rather than grades and at a level that is right for each subject? That way they progress and dont feel frustrated and defeated.I used www.allinonehomeschool some for the younger one. It is very possible and encouraged to work at childs true level for each subject with that program

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

He sounds like my little brother and sister, and your daughter sounds like me (we were all homeschooled through 8th grade) :)

Is any sort of co-op an option? Or having someone else sit with him, like an older high schooler from the church who could serve as a tutor for volunteer hours?
Is there any kind of work that he does complete to the best of his ability?
What subjects do you do? Is there any time to do a "mini" unit on something more interesting that might rekindle his love for learning?

Homeschooling is hard, and homeschooling mamas don't get enough credit :heart :hug

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

I could have written this when my ds was 9. This child has hated school since day 1.

My sweet ds sounds like yours, but thankfully it's getting better. :) (However, i have no doubt he would be labeled as ADHD if he went to public school. ;) He cannot sit still, constantly fidgets, etc. I don't know if you're dealing with any of that or not. )

A typical school day for us used to be I would tell him to work on x,y,z. Then I would get up and either step over to dd's table, go do laundry ( I can still see him), do dishes, etc. Every time I glanced at him, he would be writing, so I assumed he was doing his work. LOL I would come back to find that he was doodling the entire time. He just couldn't do anything w/o me sitting right beside him. If I sat right beside him (not even helping, I just had to physically be there) he could complete all of his work. He still grumbled, and sometimes cried :-/:sigh but he did it.

So, I had to change the way I school. Now, dd gets up early and is at her table by 8 am or so. (She is wired that way, thankfully!) I help her until 9:30 or so, and by then ds has gotten up, gotten dressed, had breakfast, etc. Since dd has gotten all of her harder subjects out of the way by that point, I'm free to devote the next few hours to ds, while dd works on her easier subjects.

It took me a long time to understand that he is just not going to be like his sister. She's a go getter, loves school, etc. He is completely the opposite, and he needs more help. That's ok. :)

Since I started helping more, he has actually started becoming more independent. :) I think a lot of it is a maturity thing too.

Just hang in there mama! It will (hopefully) get better.

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

It was very important for my son not to have to sit in a hard chair at a table otherwise he had to concentrate on that rather than school work.Sitting n an exercise ball or n a wivwl chair might be helpful

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

:hug It's frustrating for sure.

First, I'd strongly encourage you to actively internally work on reframing how you see this without subconscious negative assumptions like "lazy" and "difficult". Your child's behavior doesn't necessarily reflect either attitude (I do understand it's "difficult" to deal with, but have found, from my own slow progress :shifty , that viewing a child as "difficult" tends to fuel a lot of negative dynamics instead of problem-solving and connecting as a team).

My kids needed me to be actively sitting with them a LARGE chunk of the time. It is challenging when juggling other family and personal needs! But his behavior is age-norm for many, many kids.

You said you know he understands the work. So may I respectfully ask, why are you making him do this work then? It is very difficult, even as an adult, to do "busy work"--i.e., pages of stuff you already know. Is he bored? Would he like something more challenging and less pointless?

(I just had a, um, vigorous :shifty discussion with a teacher in a class I'm taking as an adult because, while I'm not literally absolutely perfect at the subject, I've accomplished what there is for this point and am ready to move on; he isn't challenging me enough. As an adult, I have the self-discipline to do the work anyway, trying to mentally game it up in more challenging ways, but after a couple months of this, something's got to give--I can't stand just stagnating.)

Also consider learning style. It sounds like you're having him do workbook type work. That's great for some people--myself included--but is a very poor fit for others. Does he like the type of task but need a more challenging level? Or does he need to do more hands-on work? (one of my kids needs that; it's the polar opposite of my personal learning style, so meeting her needs there has been a huge learning experience for me!)

Would he like doing unit studies on topics that interest him?

One thing I've struggled with is feeling like the kids have to finish "that year's" work by grade/age, that grade-level book. That's an artificial expectation that I'd gently encourage you to examine, particularly at his young age (it's a bit different when you're in upper high school years and need to knock off college prerequisites to achieve other goals--but he's nowhere near that!).

If you are using some kind of curriculum, there's likely already quite a lot of redundancy built in (for example, in Saxon math, I skipped the last quarter or so of the 5th grade math book and my child thrived on moving ahead to the 6th grade book--this has been a common experience across subjects/curriculums for other homeschoolers). For that matter, it's not at all uncommon for classroom teachers to not complete every bit of textbooks. If you're concerned about missing content, look at the scope/sequence of the current and subsequent book; find the overlap. Use the overlap if a child needs extra practice; skip it if they don't need it.

Again, you describe him as knowing the material--so why waste his time plowing through content just because some publisher decided to include it? Tailor how you use materials, making them fit the learner rather than trying to shove the learner into a generic plan. The ability to do that is one of the great advantages of homeschooling! Good classroom teachers do that too, but they are constrained by the number of students and mandated hoops to jump through.

Given the established negative dynamic, I'd set aside the book work for now. Converse with him. Find out what he's interested in. Be interested in it too. Find resources for him to explore--library books, classes outside the home, friends with similar interests, games, etc. Encourage him to teach you about his interests. He might initially say nothing is interesting. That's ok. Accept that and engage him in activities that visibly engage him (possibly with smiles, but for some of us, when we're engaged in a flow state of learning, we might even be frowning as we puzzle solve :) ).

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

Have u had his vision checked? And not just regular vision but developmental vision? There are a few people on here who know more afa like 's, but my daughter who I in my head always categorized as "slow" and add, is currently in vision therapy. Turns out she had a.mess of vision issues we had NO idea about (she is 9 now almost 10)). So of course work was hard for her, but her sight was "normal" to her and she didn't realize she had a problem, and neither did we or the generic eye Dr we saw.


Bottom line, most kids have an underlying reason for things whether it be vision or add or something completely different. So it is worth trying to get to the root

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

If this were me, I'd reevaluate my goals for education and see if the work I was asking my child to do truly led to those goals.

Diagramming sentences is only one of many ways to learn parts of speech. Learning a foreign language is another way, reading for pleasure is another way. And many successful adults do not remember the parts of speech anyway. They write intuitively. As an example.

I'd try to think outside the box on this one.

Re: Lazy Homeschool Child
 

My oldest is like this. Sadly she is also our homeschooling guinea pig....
What we found worked best...
1) smaller visual chunks of work. When she was younger I'd often choose materials because too me they were colorful and fun.. To her they were busy and overwhelming. I needed things that were simple in visual and not too cluttered. Like Saxon math had her in tears daily because it visually overwhelmed her. I could tell her she only had to do problems 1,3,and 5 she still would break down... She did way better with like MCP or even rod and staff.

2) more accountability. When younger I'd have her turn in assignments right away. SO like she was doing grammar and had to diagram 5 sentences she'd have to turn that in 30 minutes later (or whatever) work obviously avoided meant she'd not only have to do it again it also meant a removal of an allowed daily privilege such as media or personal gaming devices. :shrug3

3) make sure nothing was causing the issues but then stay firm but flexible to their suggestions. We did all the tests and we do deal with some real areas. However taking those into consideration we are now fairly firm in our ways. I once spent soooo much time trying to make school fun to think outside the box etc... She'd act all yea for like a week them go right back to not bothering. In the end giving her manageable chunks of work with frequent accountability as well as clear consequences when not met. As well as patience and willingness to listen to her ideas when they do pop up seems to work best.
Its hard because my own ADD gets in the way. :shifty