messy mom raising messy kids- how to break the cycle?

[klpmommy]

I am a true messy. i don't mind the mess. i don't *see* the mess. I am really working on not being so messy all the time, i'm trying to keep main areas of the house clean, but it is a struggle for me and it is not natural at all.

DH is a messy as well, although he does mind the mess and sees the mess. It causes him stress.

Well, based on some discoveries in the kids' play areas and living areas where i don't go often b/c of the logistics of the house, i *need* to help the kids to see the mess. i'm talking about entire rooms where you can't see the floor b/c they are covered with paper, and all the fun stuff is lost under. And other similar situations.

So, we make checklists and they do the checklists. But when the rooms get overwhelming the checklist is useless. how can i help them prevent rooms from getting to that point without me having to police it constantly. Any ideas? i don't mind helping them at all, but I honestly can't manage to add *more* to my to do list by policing their messes. They are doing a better job of keeping rooms clean once we clean them, but a few days of missing that for whatever reason and it all goes back to the same pit.

[3boysforme]

Im not naturally messing but 2 oh my boys seem to be. My goals right now are to get them into the habit of putting something away as soon as they are done with it. I am finding it takes a lot of hands on parenting and redirecting! But the goal is for it to be put back before it ends up on the floor. I do find it is easier for me to get them to put something back than have them pick up a whole room.

[Glitterfish]

:cup

Probably one of the main reasons why my house isn't always messy is because Dh is NOT a messy, and he is very unhappy if the house is trashed. I try to keep it up so he can be comfortable, plus he occasionally goes on cleaning binges when it gets out of control.

[Amber]

Is it possible to have your kids do a quick 5 min clean of their most messy areas each day? Maybe walk through the cleaning of the bathroom with them a few times, then check it after each job when they do it by themselves. I have to check after my kids chores to make sure they are done properly. My 10yo will often do things halfway and tell me it is done :no

I am a messy, and my kids seem to be messy too. One of the things that helps is having them pick up their legos each night. They have their own legos in their room, and my two that share a room make quite a mess of theirs if left unchecked.

A few months ago I made chore charts for the kids and that has helped a ton. There are things that have to be done daily, like brushing their teeth and making their bed and other things that happen less frequently. I don't really care about them making their beds, but it helps them to have easy chores to do each day. They also unload the dishwasher, clean their bathrooms, wipe down the stair railing etc. They also rinse off their dishes and put them in the dishwasher when they are done.

[Kiara.I]

Honestly, policing may be necessary...
Have you looked at any of the Flylady stuff *for kids*? There's the idea of having a room divided into zones, and spend one week on the zones. For a bedroom, for instance, that would mean that one week would be "bed" and the sheets would be changed, underneath the bed would be cleaned out completely, etc. Then, of course, there are 5 minute room rescues...Just the idea of making everything part of the routines...

[amyjoy]

:cup
I am a messy and also a single WOHM. Our house needs help.

[milkdud]

:cup

[Tandem mama]

:popcorn

[Llee]

I have to break it down into little steps for me and for the girls, or it's too overwhelming and doesn't get done.

So for the kitchen, I put away all the clean dishes. I put away the other put-awayable stuff. I do the dishes that need to go into the dishwasher. I do the other dishes. I clean the counter to the left. I clean off the stove. I clean off the counter to the right of the stove. I do the microwave. And so on.

And that's how I have to break it down for the girls. Go into the living room. Find your Legos and put them away. Come into the kitchen. Go into the bathroom. Go into the man cave and repeat. Okay. Now go get your My Little Pony from the living room and put them away.

To just look at a room and think "I need to clean this" is too overwhelming. Thinking about doing just one step helps me a lot, as does really good storage stuff.

[MomtoJGJ]

My girls do a great job cleaning.... everywhere but their spaces :shifty

Of course it probably hurts that I only go in the playroom to clean it twice a year or so :bag

Those areas are awful.... But we do keep it somewhat above squalor by having them each clean up a certain number of things. Yesterday I had them each pick up 10 pieces each of garbage. Yes there were 40 large pieces of garbage in one room :shifty Like I said, I rarely go in there.

In other words :popcorn

[Sundance]

:popcorn

I don't see the mess, either (in certain rooms, at least), so I find it really hard to even direct the kids in what needs to be done. We seem to be happy tripping over toys & stepping on Lego.

[passthemanna]

We're struggling with this too. I find they do better when they have 1 task at a time. Pick up the books. Then pick up toys, etc. It helps to just stay on top of things before hey get messy. Trying to get ds in the habit of putting things away as he finishes using them.

[hey mommy]

We struggle with this too. Doesn't help that both my kids said they like the house messy because its more fun. :doh
I've been working with them on just throwing away their trash and putting their dishes in the sink. Then we'll work on other stuff.

I see the mess and it drives me nuts. I just hate cleaning. :shifty

[Sundance]

I don't know if this will be helpful, but Living Clutter Free with Kids in the House (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DPV897W/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00DPV897W&linkCode=as2&tag=freebeefhd-20) is free for Kindle today.

[abh5e8]

i'm struggling with this. i'm a messy. i don't want to be, but it just seems like such a HUGE task to keep things picked up. the dc are not the most willing helpers, but i do think they are getting better. we focus on it every day. daily chores plus "special work of the day" that mama gives out. but i'm not sure how to deter the bad attitude and very SLOW working on what i give them to do. (and that behavior drives me absolutely nuts).

[rcsmom]

One thing that helps for me is having cleaning time built into the everyday routine. So after every meal we take care of dishes, I do a load of laundry every day, toys are all picked up before dinner (we only have one bin of toys out at a time so not too big a deal). also something that I heard a long time ago- before I even had kids was to make it easy to pick up. so instead of having toys that go in a very specific spot have them all go into one bin so pick up is easy. Same idea for books. we just recently transitioned to a bookshelf for the boys books- before that they were in a basket- easy to pick up. Also we all get involved in pickup- boys pick up toys, mom helps and picks up other things around the house so we are all working towards getting picked up. I also get DS1 involved in cleaning whenever possible. He still loves to vacumn or sweep so I let him do that if he wants- it doesn't get done great but I figure it is better than not at all.

[Beth1231]

I go about it differently,probably because I like uncluttered space and I live in a smaller home.
I seriously minimize their stuff. And then,from that amount they have access to less than half of it. They still play and enjoy their toys. But it's easier to ask them to pick up blocks,paper from watercolor painting and a few stuffed animals than it is to get them to pick up 300 toys,big and small before Daddy gets home.
I don't always succeed,sometimes too much stuff is out at one time. But of all the things I've tried,I have had the most success with limiting and ruthlessly purging excess toys.
I also purge OUR stuff if it gets to hard to keep uncluttered space.

[Aerynne]

I don't think it's BECAUSE you're a messy. I think kids are just that way. I am a neat freak and I do have to police my kids constantly.

"You need to put the markers away"
"okay"
puts them on the floor in the room they go in
"The markers need to be in in their sleeve, in the art box"
"okay"
puts the markers halfway in their sleeve, halfway in the art box with the lid off the art box, the door of the cabinet where the art box is open, and a bunch of stuff spilled on the floor in the process of doing it.
"You need to put the markers all the way in their sleeve, put them as neatly in the art box as you found them, with the lid closed, the cabinet door closed, and pick up the papers you spilled"
"Okay"
crams lid on art box with the stuff still not neat, closes door, shoves papers back into closet but nowhere near where they were or are supposed to be, crumples a few of them in the process, mom doesn't find out until the next day when I go to get some things out and then I feel very :mad and say "no more markers"

[ValiantJoy07]

I go about it differently,probably because I like uncluttered space and I live in a smaller home.
I seriously minimize their stuff. And then,from that amount they have access to less than half of it. They still play and enjoy their toys. But it's easier to ask them to pick up blocks,paper from watercolor painting and a few stuffed animals than it is to get them to pick up 300 toys,big and small before Daddy gets home.
I don't always succeed,sometimes too much stuff is out at one time. But of all the things I've tried,I have had the most success with limiting and ruthlessly purging excess toys.
I also purge OUR stuff if it gets to hard to keep uncluttered space.

This. :yes also if they are making messes with paper paper gets put where they have to ask for permission to use it. :O I try to keeep papers/coloring stuff handy and usable ...but consistant messes says they cant handle it so we cull back their access to just a handful of things out (the rest locked in a closet) and if they want papers out they need to trade in a "free for all" toy (one of the few I allow out). Paper is rarely a problem w this system.
I am kind of the mindset of "what do they NEED, and what is extra?"

That said each child has their own magnadoodle -which get TONS of use when paper is banned except for focused (they sit at the table to use it) use. What each family needs is going to look different...but when it comes to toy clutter (or clutter in general) -I like it at a minimum. It helps me stay on top of messes.

[ShangriLewis]

We just moved into a house with three times the space. It is insane. I seriously can't figure out how to keep up with it.

We have a finished attic space that I ended up putting stuff in. I just can't let them have all the toys out.

Can you put stuff away somewhere? Like a toy rotation.

Do you have trash cans in each room? Can you do a trash pick up time several times a day?

[ShangriLewis]

Oh and I grew up messy. My side of the family is all messy. It can be really bad. So for me I don't want to be dirty.

Creative and eccentric is my reality :)

[MomtoJGJ]

I'm not trying to be dismissing of suggestions, they really are great suggestions!! But limiting toys/stuff only works so much when you have a lot of different ages... They like different things, you know? I can only imagine this is worse with a mix of genders :shifty

I DO limit toys. As much as feasibly possible while still leaving them some stuff out. Right now they have about 20 books, a play tent, two rocking horses, dinosaurs with a playmat (the playmat is the box), littlest pet shop stuff (two of the buildings and about 15 pets/accessories, about 10 baby dolls (get used every day), about 15 stuffed animals (used every day), a hopscotch set (rug and bean bag), and a box of dressup clothes. Oh, and 5 beanbags to sit on for tv or use in their play.

I don't really feel that's excessive for 4.5 children to play with (because that's including Penelope's toys). When I go up there next week to clean up I'll find about 12 times that... Things will be in there that I've never seen before :shifty Now, if I only had 2 kids (again, not to belittle) then there would be half that. Plus it would be a lot easier for someone to not get out something and not put it up because you'd pretty well know who did it. ;)

BTW, the box of dressup clothes is being purged next week except for about 4-5 things they use regularly because my oldest two are finally too big for all the clothes ;)

[Beth1231]

I hear you :yes I watched the mess grow when C hit 18ish month's and I know it will only get bigger when #3 is a toddler. More kids,more stuff, more mess.

My strategy right now is carefully continue to train the oldest to be responsible,clean-up during and after play and hope that the two after her watch and learn. :shifty So far,C does follow her example.

Sometimes after a particularly long clean-up time,I imagine having massive outdoor space and just a handful of toys per child. But we have Christmas and birthdays and yard sales sales and grandmas. And the stuff seems to reappear after I throw it out.

[ValiantJoy07]

I am sure the wide spread ages complicates that. :yes my plan for that is to have a shelf/nook for each child -they can choose whatever they want for those shelves (a tub[s] of legos, a tub of toy set, art supplies all their own etc) whatever fits neatly on the shelf(or 2 shelves depending on what I feel won't overwhelm them). There will be 1 or 2 "general family toys" and the rest will be locked in a closetmaide cabinet.

Each child is responsible for their shelf stuff...sure 1 tub for each kid is a lot of tubs in a larger family...but if those toys are clearly theirs and they are played with in a certain area clean up shouldn't feel *too* overwhelming.

I speaks from the newt camp that believes most Western children have too much stuff, too much clutter, too many choices all at once and that most do better with a simple toy/visual/play "diet".

My kids (and it could just be them :yes this is just what has helped us be "clutter free in 5minutes") do best with few toys, some imaginative play options with set "away" places, and lots of pillows/blankets. They have access to one tidy Crayon tray and a small stack of papers (depending on if they are keeping them from being wasted). I do have a basket of teething toys for the baby, and a basket of books they can easily reach.

Clean up involves setting a timer and directing while we race the clock but even with the baby carrying stuff all over the place our system has it vaccumable in 5 minutes.

---------- Post added at 06:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:11 PM ----------

Eta I grew up 4th out of 5 kids...the basement was horrible. Cleaning up was horrible. I hated it. My Mom is a messy...I am not...personality plays a big part. :giggle systems make the world a better place.

[AmyDoll]

I took away all my kids toys except for their legos and 1 basket of matchbox cars. :) That's all they can manage to care for at this point. :shrug (they also have a foosball table and an airhockey table in their play room)

[RealLifeMama]

Well, you know I still struggle with this, but like you, I am getting better.
I think that once you have a certain number of people in the house, you have to do better or you can't function whether or not the mess bothers you.
Clutter bothers me a lot, but honestly, I can look at a room full of toys or the boys' room with legos all over the entire floor, and it does not bother me. The kitchen bothers me when it gets messy because I have to work there. The boys' room, well, that is there room, and it does not bother me. But, like you said, I know I need to work with them to have better habits.
We have added a "room rescue" to their morning routine and their nighttime routine. And they only get one small bin of legos at a time. If they can pick those up, they can get more. As soon as it becomes too much for them to pick up when it is time to vacuum, they lose them all.
The room rescue is sometimes 5 minutes, but for the smaller ones, they just do the "pick up as many things as your age" drill for their room rescue.
Part of their morning routine is to make their bed. I was never, ever taught to make my bed or required to make my bed when I was growing up. Now that I am an adult, I see value in it, so I want my kids to learn to make it a habit.
The other part of the morning routine is to put their clothes away, so they have to go to the laundry room and get them and put them in their drawers.
If they can keep their clothes off the floor, pick up their toys, and make their beds, the room stays manageable and I can vacuum it.


If they can keep the legos cleaned up, the clothes off the floor