Nervous female cat vs. calm, dominant tom

[Aisling]

We have three cats...and I'll admit that the girl is my least favorite. :bag We've had her for two years after adopting her when she came to us wild and pregnant. (we spayed her and found good homes for all her kittens :tu) She displays, by far, the most feral behavior, and though we've worked with her and troubleshot the situation to death, she *still* has accidents in the house on occasion, claws the furniture, and is beastly to the other cats.

She seems *miserable* to me, to be honest. She tolerates our smaller male (her son), but our family favorite (a giant older male ginger, and by far the most personable/well behaved) seems to really get her goat. She cowers and runs every time she sees him, and he's playful enough to chase her. More than once, she's emptied her bowels on the spot because another cat has cornered her under the bed or up on a rail. :sigh

She'll refuse to go into the garage and use her litter box if she smells another cat (neighbors have one) outside the garage door. :doh She wants to sleep ON the children's heads. :mutter And she's constantly jumping at her own shadow, or hissing and spitting at the other two cats. :(

I don't know what to do with her. We kind of keep her out of guilt. No one really likes her. :bag I feel like she hates it here, too, but...she's not particularly charming, and there's no way we'll be able to re-home her. :(

I don't know what I'm looking for. Insight? The other two boys are so easy peasy to care for, and so well adjusted and happy. And she's just...wild.

[April G]

She sounds like she needs to be in a pet/child free home. :-/

[domesticzookeeper]

Just out of curiosity: why can't you rehome her? :hugheart

We've never had such intense anxiety issues with a cat, but we do have one girl that absolutely HATES our boy cat and I really, truly think that the best thing we can do is what we're doing: she's coming with me, and the boy is staying with my sister. It's going to be a huge relief for both of them :shifty

Short of that: separate areas of the house? places where she can go to get away and be totally undisturbed? A Feliway diffuser and Rescue Remedy may help, but her level of anxiety sounds so incredibly high, that they'd likely only take the edge off.

[Amber]

I am a huge advocate of keeping cats indoor only. However, with a cat like this, who is just on this side of being feral, I would set up a comfy area outside and let her go back to living outside :duck

[Aisling]

Yeah. :( Our boys would be happy to laze/play around inside exclusively, especially in the colder months, but she just gets crazy. :sigh

Re-homing her would be tough, because we pretty much exhausted all our resources finding homes for her kittens a couple of summers ago. :doh :doh

She does well enough with the girls, but then our kids are *very* gentle with animals and have been taught to respect their space. :heart

But the other cats, not so much. Right now, re-homing is a lot of legwork I don't have time to do, but I could try and ask around in the sustainable farm circles and see if anyone needs a good barn kitty. She'd be really happy living in a farm house without other cats, actually. :heart

[ReedleBeetle]

My sister has a cat that, indoors, was a completely crazed ball of anxiety that went on the floor anytime she got scared and sometimes just because. They decided to put her outside, expecting her to honestly not make it through an hour before she died of a heart attack, and she has BLOSSOMED. She is hunting and happy and much more friendly.

[domesticzookeeper]

Right now, re-homing is a lot of legwork I don't have time to do, but I could try and ask around in the sustainable farm circles and see if anyone needs a good barn kitty. She'd be really happy living in a farm house without other cats, actually. :heart

I totally understand the legwork aspect :yes (hence why we still have three of Scully's four kittens :shifty)

But it would be really cool if you were able to find her a home through word-of-mouth. To be honest, I'd have a hard time "enjoying" a cat like that, too :bag And it does sound like she'd be happier on her own :heart :heart :heart

:pray4

[expatmom]

As the mom of 2 rescued feral cats, I know how ingrained the wildness can be in some cats. :hug2 I'd try and rehome her or at the very least let her be outdoors to give everyone some space.

[MaySunflowers]

Are there not any no-kill cat rescue centers in your area? Sometimes people run rescue catteries from their homes.

Other than I agree she does display a lot of wild cat behaviors and anxieties. Cats ultimately like 2 litter boxes each (one pee one poo) and not close to where other cats go.... which is a big pain if you own more than one cat... but for some cats this is critical. Same with feeding them separately (out of view) from other cats... those are two areas of major stress for cats.

As for scratching furniture... I've found that if I can effectively train the dominant cat not to scratch, the others won't scratch either. Natural orange citrus spray on frequently scratched areas can help (you could even make it yourself... its basically orange juice!)... however... it can also discolor fabrics.

[Aisling]

My biggest scratching practical annoyance with her is that I have kitchen chairs with cloth seats. And kids. :giggle :doh So I covered the seats with tough clear plastic, to make clean up easy without destroying the fabric daily. Guess who looooooves to sink her claws into the plastic? :mutter She's got all sorts of appropriate places to claw, but, of course, none of them are quite as satisfying as ripping my covered chairs to shreds. :doh


No no-kill shelters. :sigh We live in E TN, so, basically, if a truck hits a bump in the road, 12 cats fall out of the back. :doh Every shelter and rescue are absolulely SLAMMED, and they're mostly reserved for real "rescues" (aka, hoarding or abuse situations). :sigh So, if we dropped her at the animal shelter, she'd be euthanized by the weekend. :bheart Not going to do that.

[Domina]

Poor kitty. Since she's already spayed, she'd probably be a terrific barn cat. Does she have any mousing abilities?

[Aisling]

and moles and chipmunks and rabbits and.... :shifty She's quite the huntress. :doh:giggle She kind of came to us that way. :yes She was such a good and sweet little mama, too. She nursed our well adjusted black kitty until he was, get this, a year old. :jawdrop She's totally why he turned out as precious as he is. But since he's always been inside and with us, he doesn't have her hangups. :sigh I'd never have the heart to not find her a home-home. I think this spring, I'll start beating the bushes for farms/co-ops/etc that might need a great mouser. :heart

[Domina]

Do you have any objections to letting her be an indoor/outdoor kitty, and travel back and forth as she pleases?

[Aisling]

That's pretty much what we're doing, at this point, to keep the peace with her. :yes Trouble is, in warmer weather, she brings in fleas. :yuck :doh And, last summer, two *live* chipmunks, which I had to catch and release. :rolleyes2

[Domina]

That's pretty much what we're doing, at this point, to keep the peace with her. :yes Trouble is, in warmer weather, she brings in fleas. :yuck :doh And, last summer, two *live* chipmunks, which I had to catch and release. :rolleyes2

I believe there's a treatment you can put on the back of her neck twice a year to repel fleas. Can't help with the chipmunks! LOL. We had a cat that used to bring in live snakes.

[Johns_Gal]

Flea protection is your best friend if you own indoor/outdoor pets. :yes

I once brought in a stray puppy without doing my usual bath + worm protocol. We were in. fest. ed. within three days, and never had a flea before. We were breeding bengals at the time and had a litter of newborns. I still get twitchy thinking about it! Eight adults, babies, then him and the elderly, also-found mutt... excuse me, my wallet is hiding under the bed crying.

And depending on where you live, you may need her on HW protection. Revolution covers the lot, and probably a few others do too, by now. Heartworms are a nasty way to die and horrifically painful and expensive to treat. $10/month will protect her from both, and save you the cost/stress of flea bombing your house/capstar/flea medicines for all the pets.

For the behavior, you might try a Feliway plugin. And Rescue remedy... rub it into her ears, or nose if she'll let you rub her nose.

Here's hoping spring brings an excellent, quieter home for her to be a happy barn cat in. :heart

[MaySunflowers]

How about mention her to to the seniors group at your church? Maybe she is just enough company for someone who enjoys feeding and seeing a cat but not cuddling one.