I'm writing a blog post on why we don't spank, and need some help...

[homesteadmama]

Dh and I are writing a blog post about why we don't spank....just too tired explaining it/debating it with people that we thought we'd compile all our thoughts on the matter, and refer people to the blog post in the future.

Anyway...

I'm looking for a link to an article about how when kids (or any human) goes into fight or flight, how they are unable to learn at that point. I *think* I read about this in Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline, but I want a link to attach to my blog. Anyone know where I can find something like that? I couldn't find any Becky Bailey websites.

Thanks, mamas!

[Domina]

Here's a livestrong.com article about how classroom stress prevents kids from learning...might be somewhat useful.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/156872-how-fight-or-flight-affects-the-learning-of-children/

[Katigre]

Here's a previous discussion we had about countering different pro-spanking arguments: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=383664

[dulce de leche]

I know there are some articles here on that: http://www.positive-parents.org/ and here as well: http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/parenting_blog. I would love to share your blog post on my DDL FB page when it is done. :)

[ThreeKids]

I remember fight or flight mode. I don't need a study to remember how it went. I'd immediately be focused on the authority figure as my enemy (most of this was in the church school I attended), someone who was about to do something mean and shouldn't be trusted. Whatever I supposedly did to "deserve" it would not enter my mind. I couldn't even figure it out in retrospect and it was viewed as being manipulative to remind authority figures that I couldn't figure it out.

In fact, with all the behaviorist philosophy around me, I would have considered it to have been rewarding the enemy's behavior to allow their mean actions to influence my behavior so I wasn't going to angst about how I wasn't able to figure out what I did wrong. Rewarding the enemy's behavior would have been counterproductive to stopping the spanking in the behaviorist model that they taught me.

Also, it would have been dishonest to change my behavior based on the threat of violence if I hadn't come to the conclusion about right and wrong on my own - the coercion was a test of my integrity in my mind, something to be resisted and my reward for the martyrdom being in heaven. Putting effort into understanding what I'd done wrong and how to avoid it, would have been viewed by the child version of me as a temptation to give in to the coersion so it was better not to allow myself to mull it over.

But mostly I just thought they were being mean and that there was nothing I did to "deserve" it. As I said, what I did didn't enter my mind. The above reasoning was why I didn't mull it over in quiet moments either.

If someone had simply had a non-judgmental conversation with me about what was right and wrong and why instead of getting my hackles up, all that effort I put into understanding how to handle my enemy could have been avoided.

[homesteadmama]

:ty mamas! I knew you would all help!

DDL, I would be honored. I'll let you know when I'm done. I wish there was a way to publish it for only GCMs to read, lol. Then you guys could give me your feedback before the rest of the world reads it.

Three kids...thank you for sharing your experience. :heart Makes so much sense! It just is counter-productive.

[NewCovenantMama]

I know this isn't about fight or flight mode, but you may find some wonderful "fuel" in these two articles, if you aren't already familiar with them.

http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/

http://jeriwho.net/lillypad2/?p=8460

:)

[homesteadmama]

ok, one more request....I can't find that sticky from long ago that had all those pro GBD verses. I even copied and pasted the ENTIRE thread into a word document on my computer so that I'd have it forever and ever, and could put sticky verses all over my house...

That computer died.

I got a new one.

It doesn't have Microsoft Word.

I just paid $120 to download it because I WANT THOSE VERSES!

Now it says it has "1 hour, 6 minutes" until it's finished downloading..:doh

:help

[Katigre]

Cancel the download! You don't need microsoft word :no. You can get OpenOffice for free online and it does all the same things :). I haven't had Microsoft word in years.