Help me I'm going to bury him alive!

[natural_mama]

Help. If I was talking right now it would be in a squeaky voice that keeps cutting out interspersed with hiccuppy little breaths that I get when I desperately want to cry. My 4yo is being awfully hard work. He just woke his little brother up because he disobeyed my instruction to stay in bed quietly and now I've missed out on my nap which has tipped me over into desperation as I'm not well and of course I slapped him in frustration which did NOT help either of us so now I also feel guilty and sad and we've got to figure out how to get through the afternoon. I don't know if its a stage or a reaction to a reeeaaaallly long year but I'm so ready to send him to Timbucktu. Hes constantly getting into things he KNOWS he isn't supposed to, hes answering us back constantly, he'll blatantly do something that we've clearly requested that he NOT do, hes terribly rough with his brother, I cannot trust him to do ANYTHING - even simple things like go to the toilet because he starts mucking around and makes a mess or breaks stuff. He's constantly letting himself and his brother into our room where they jump on the bed, pull stuff out of our closets and drawers and tip my jewellry box, etc over. I can't even think of the things we've tried instead of spanking or yelling because of how I'm feeling right now but please please please I just look at him and draw a blank. I know being tired is making everything worse and boy am.I.tired. but there isn't a huge amount I can do to help that ATM. This is mostly a rant but I really do need some ideas of what to do instead of spanking when hes behaving like this. We're quickly deteriorating into doing absolutely nothing and just kinda staring at him in glazed horror...

[Psyche]

He sounds bored to me. :hug

[katiekind]

Can you get your hands on a copy of Your 4-Year-Old by Ames and Ilg? When my angelic, eager-to-please 3 year old turned 4, I felt like I had turned into a terrible parent and he had turned into a terrible child, and was headed for a life of crime. Or sometimes I felt like one of us was going crazy.

Suddenly it seemed like he wouldn't obey. Or he'd deftly straddle the line between doing what I said to do -- and doing the exact opposite! Also he was so exuberant...it was like you couldn't get through to him because he was in a state of exuberance that made him out of reach of normal communication.

Sound familiar? Turns out those are typical traits in a 4 year old. Once I learned that (from reading the book I just recommended) I was able to calm down a little and not be so fearful that MY child was headed for a life of crime and not take it personally as a reflection on me, the terrible mother.

Having said that, 4 is a hard age because they do have a tendency to straddle the line -- or they'll obey the letter of the law but not the spirit of it--that kind of thing, and as a parent that leaves you wondering what to do.

You do the best you can. They do outgrow it.

PS-- he does sound bored, and he does sound like he needs more supervision if you can manage it.

[babyb4us]

DS who is four gets like this when he wants attention or is bored. Since joining GCM, I have watched myself so much more, and I literally can see it happening. I am an introvert, and DS is an extrovert. We both are extreme in our "vert-ness". So, when I am just done, and I need some time without anyone talking to me, looking at me, thinking about me, making noise around me, and especially without anyone touching me. When he is done, he needs to talk to someone, make noise, look at me, and touch me. Can you say fire and ice?

The more I pull away, the more he pulls towards me, or does things to get attention. If everything good and calm doesn't work, he will resort to less desirable ways. Since I have figured this out, I can recognize when it is happening. And that is when I gather the last ounce of reserve energy I have and play a quick game of candyland, or spend time building legos before I retreat to have a moment to replenish my energy bank.

Granted, I don't always catch it in time, but when I do, I am rewarded with a peaceful child.

[natural_mama]

We have regular playdates and outings and he has a huge amount of things he/we can do at home but he refuses to do pretty much any of it. I mean not all the time - this morning all the giant cushions were piled in the middle of the lounge and we had an hour where the boys threw themselves round doing various 'gymnastic' style leaps and crashes with me and the teddies watching, I took photos, the teddies cheered hysterically, they had a great time. Our living area is all open plan and I can see pretty much everything they're doing but 5 minutes seems to be all he needs :nails if I was to supervise them anymore then seriously I would have them attached to me but in saying that I can't always supervise BOTH of them... If I'm say reading a story to DS2 then I won't always notice if DS1 has gone off somewhere til the end of the story, or if I do then basically I have to give up on reading the story because its then a constant stream of 'please sit down', please stop kicking me', 'come back where I can see you'... And if I send him to his room then he immediately tantrums at me and refuses to go then comes straight back out saying sorry I'll behave and then promptly doesn't. I've just asked him to turn the tap off in the kitchen where he has been 'washing' dishes and immediately its the whining and then the threats - I'm gonna throw the plate at you. I ignore the whining and just say I'm happy to talk when he speaks normally but I'm at a total loss as to how to react to the threats. He then brought me the dishwashing powder over demanding that I open it and I thanked him for wanting to be helpful but asked him to put the container away. I ended up helping him i.e walking him back and holding his hand on the container while we put it back in the cupboard which caused another tantrum. I asked him what he wanted to do and began to give him options then he just yelled NOTHING in my face and started stomping and whining about how mean I was. ARGH!!! Hes now laying on the floor whinging and moaning and yelling at his brother who is across the room happily doing puzzles.

Anyway regardless of whether he is bored or whatever how do I discipline him without giving him a good paddling??? And yes I've googled and found the book here in NZ I just have to wait til we have the spare dosh to order it.

[Barefoot Bookworm]

Oh my gosh, my oldest just turned 4 and she sounds very similar to your DS these days. I've pretty much decided she can't be allowed out of my sight right now so wherever I go, she goes. Even if it is to the bathroom. I'm half tempted tie her to me with some yarn or something. Seriously, this morning they woke up 10 minutes before me and I didn't hear. They got into the fridge and had three bottles of beer that my in-laws brought over and a bottle of wine on her bed. They had an entire package of corn tortillas that they had shredded and were throwing up in the air like snow. Then at quiet time, she was stomping around and getting up which was keeping her sister awake though she knows that she needs to sit quietly with her books and quiet toys. Then she PEED on her sister's bed and when I asked why, she said, "Because."

I'm so there with you. Then she can turn around and be the sweetest, kindest, funniest little angel. 4 year olds are tricky.

[BabyMonsterMommy]

Can you re-babyproof? I also have an open floor plan, but we got an extra wide gate to block off the kitchen, there are knob-thwarters on the bathroom, closet, and my room. When things get crazy we all go to my room or their room or the basement, just the change of scenery changes the mood. I know 4 is a big boy, but perhaps you should think if him closer to a baby than a child?

[Kiara.I]

In the interim, there's the library. ;) Here, at least, even if the local library doesn't have it, there's interlibrary loan, where they can get it from anywhere on the continent. You might have something similar.

Also, searching on Abebooks is great, you can find used copies. There's one available in New Zealand right now for $3.89 US plus shipping. The shipping is $24, but that's to Canada. Probably it would be cheaper to you. ;)

[katiekind]

It's an old book, maybe they have it at your library. Also if you look on Amazon, you can do the "search inside" feature and there's some you can read there. It's just really important to understand what part of his behavior is due to being a normal 4 year old so that you won't take it personally or waste a lot of energy on the fear that if you don't handle it just right, he'll go down a bad road forever.

5 minutes is all many active little boys need to get into mischief. One of my boys had (and still has) a scientific turn of mind. He would wander off by himself and do what I later called "unauthorized scientific experiments". These involved taking things apart, testing fabric and string tension by cutting with scissors, observing a centrifuge in action by flushing Fisher-Price people down the toilet, etc. I mean, the things he thought of to do, I could never anticipate. But I began to see that it was never just random--he had a reason he did the things he did. Regardless, I had to keep a good eye on him. A 4 or 5 year old is not a good judge of what is a safe experiment and what is not.

It was of some comfort -- and illumination -- to me when I learned that Thomas Edison accidentally burned down his parents' barn as a child through an "unauthorized scientific experiment" gone wrong. :jawdrop My boy was similarly very bright and similarly intensely driven to discover, first hand, how things worked. I'm not saying we winked at his transgressions....I'm just saying there WAS a reason...and clearly more supervision is needed when things go on like that.

He's constantly letting himself and his brother into our room where they jump on the bed, pull stuff out of our closets and drawers and tip my jewellry box, etc over.When you hear that ominous silence, you know "it's way too quiet in here", and you have to go and find them and re-engage them in something that's not off limits. If you got there too late and there's already a mess, you work on damage control. You can have him help you clean up the mess he made and you can prevent future incursions by putting a latch on the door. You mentioned you're extremely tired: so I'd block off or lock areas where he's not allowed to go. Make it easy on yourself during this time that you're so tired.

[Amber]

:hugheart

How much structure does your day have? If very little, then I would make the day much more structured. That way it leaves little room for boredom and getting into trouble. I would also alternate activities. I would be sure to include eating, large motor play, sensory play and rest...probably in that order :giggle

Increasing his sensory play alone may help him calm down...things like playdoh, bubbles, water, rice/bean bins, shaving cream, finger paints etc.

[Rabbit]

I lock all the doors I don't want them behind, and I have even turned the water off to the bathroom sink, when I'm sick or exhausted. :hug2

[natural_mama]

Just played buckaroo and hairy maclary and now hes busy trying to work out how the elefant game works :phew

Lexi - :hug thanks for sharing!!! You have my sympathy!!! DS1 pee'd on the tramp the other week 'just because' too :sigh

It didn't come up on the library site. Is it a 1980's book? I found the first edition for sale and I can afford that this week otherwise I just wait til next week and get a brandnew copy. Wasn't sure about the editions? I've been abit worried about reading parenting books lately since I have no idea what will send me in the right direction.

Katiekind yeah my kid is the kid who was walking at 6mo, and who at 17mo got the correct set of keys from the wall unit that was holding over 30 sets of keys at the time, unlocked his grandparents front door (tricky for adults), got his granddads gumboots on and got down the stairs, found the car he wanted, unlocked it using the keys (like manually unlocked it, no central locking one-push button here), got in and was busy fitting the correct key into the ignition when he was discovered. All this in under 15 minutes :jawdrop hes got a photographic memory and is s.m.a.r.t. My mum says hes just like I was so apparently its justice :bag gates in the house and kiddie locks etc are noooooo trouble for this kid he sees you do it once hes got it down pat otherwise it takes him all of 5 minutes to work it out himself. Hes also just climbed out the front window.... Ooookkkk I'm back.... Anyway yeah. I'm not sure it would be worth the cost of getting gates etc when he'll figure them out. Thoughts???

Structure... we have it but sticking to it ATM is really hard. I have days where I physically can't stand as my pelvis won't hold me (and I'm waiting for crutches) and I have days where I'm throwing up every half an hour (FTR these are the days DS1 seems to understand I need his help and he rises to the occasion admirably) plus fainting (to the point of having homehelp for my shower in case I knock myself out like I did while preg with DS2 :rolleyes4) and I have a history of seizures during pregnancy. Its hard to do stuff when either I have my head in a bowl or I keep passing out or like I can't stand. Suggestions?? Other than this too shall pass - I'm pregnant so it had better pass ;)

Sensory play - good idea I need to work out more ways to offer him this in ways that his brother isn't able to make too much of a mess of. Playdough is always available to them but paints and the rice bucket we had have been put away because between them it gets everywhere and we're currently renting.

Also, I might sound like a cracked record but while we're working on improving our modelling of behaviour and gentle parenting I'd really appreciate some ideas on what gentle consequences because we're struggling to find the balance and we're swinging between punitive and permissive.

[katiekind]

Anyway yeah. I'm not sure it would be worth the cost of getting gates etc when he'll figure them out. Thoughts???A hook and eye latch up high on the door where he can't reach. Well, he can reach it if he drags a chair over to stand on, but it will buy you time and you'll hear him drag the chair.

Gosh, I'm sorry you're having such a hard pregnancy, that sounds awful.

The 4-year-old book's parenting ideas may or may not be that helpful--I don't recall them being much help. It was simply in identifying the behavior and seeing it as typical for the age, not diabolical and not permanent, that was helpful for me. Part of my problem was that I was reacting to his behavior from an attitude of fear -- which led to my being harsh - instead of holding a practical, unflappable, matter-of-fact, "we'll get through this" attitude.

I'd really appreciate some ideas on what gentle consequences Well, one thing to remember is that you don't always have to have a consequence beyond what makes sense in the moment. Don't be thinking "tit for tat". Be thinking, why is he doing this? How can I help him do better? In some situations, you can equip your child to do better next time. Sometimes, especially with "stage-related" behavior, you have to manage it, enforce boundaries, etc, while they outgrow the stage.

When he makes a mistake, help him make it right (in an age-appropriate, situation appropriate way). When he's out of bounds, help him get back on the right side of the boundary. Look for the root cause of the bad behavior and fix that. Hungry? Tired? Bored? Needs stimulation? Over-stimulated? Needs Momma?

And remember that you can't always "fix" everything. Sometimes you just have to manage the chaos -- enforce your boundaries, supervise, etc. But while you're doing that, and while you're teaching and guiding, the child is growing and maturing. They do learn. They do mature into better impulse-control.

[natural_mama]

Hook and eyes I can do (and he can't :giggle) and it shouldn't do any damage to the house either. I'll get DH onto it this weekend!! Thankyou I wouldn't have even thought of that!

I meant to tag a thankyou onto the book suggestion as well. I've been worried about not knowing whats gentle (enough) and whats not which is why I've been avoiding reading fullstop so recommendations are appreciated :)

Do other mamas struggle with understanding the whole no tit for tat thing?? Its sooooo hard to get my head around :blush I know I came on here for help but I also feel like a fraud coz the whole thing is just so foreign that I wonder if I'll ever understand it :sigh How do you teach if you don't make the disobedience unappealing????

[Kiara.I]

:yes It is hard to wrap your mind around at first.

The way I've heard it explained that resonated with *me* the best (your mileage may vary...) is the team idea. We, as a family, are a team. DH and I are the coaches. Our job is to set our family up to succeed as a team. So, I teach my kids (the players) how to succeed.

Imagine your favourite sport. Actually, let's just take soccer (football) since it's played in most of the world. Let's say you're coaching a team, and you've got some really young players on the team. You tell them "keep the ball inside the white lines, because if it goes out of bounds we lose possession." Sometimes they'll fumble their passes and it'll go outside. Sometimes they'll get confused and kick it out anyway. Sometimes they might just kick it out for spite. But the way to get them to succeed is not going to be to make it unpleasant for them when they do any of those things. :shrug3 They way to get them to succeed is to work on their skills so that they can pass better. To work on their knowledge of the *point* of the game, and the *rules* of the game, so that they're more familiar with the rules. You also need to set them up to succeed by making sure they're getting enough food, water, rest time...no good having players that are worn out and cranky. Also you want to have them build connection with each other and with you, so that they trust you as coaches to help them. Sometimes (this kind of breaks the analogy, but hey...) you will physically *block* the balls from going outside the lines. Or, in fact, you might have to physically redirect a player who is intent on kicking balls out of the lines.

And, as they grow, more and more those balls will stay on the field, instead of outside the bounds. Their skills will grow and grow. Their ability to make wise choices will grow.

But making it unpleasant for them isn't really a long-term solution to helping them improve the game, you know?

[sweetpeasmommy]

NOt having the book right now you might check out this summary (http://www.centerforparentingeducation.org/programs_articlesresource_byage.html#year5h).

[staceylayne]

Wow, hon, you have a LOT goin on right now! :hug I think there are a few things compounding the typical challenges of a bright, energetic four year old (which is enough on its own).

First, you are dealing with really difficult pregnancy complications. Your son probably doesn't really understand what is going on with mama and how long it will last. That alone would be enough for me to veer away some of my ideals and move into survival mode...allowing more tv or computer time than normal, more convenience foods, calling friends and family for support (is there a grandma or uncle that could take kids a few hours once or twice a week?), paying someone to clean a couple times until I'm back on my feet a bit. It's a season and sometimes something just has to give, you know?

As of that isn't enough, you are making huge changes in how you look at parenting and how you discipline your children. This is probably also confusing for your boy. You aren't reacting in the same ways he's used to and it would not be uncommon for him to act out more for a while, trying to figure out the boundaries and what the new normal will look like.

FWIW, the paradigm shift from punitive to gentle is truly mind-bending. I spent about four months straight with my mind spinning, constantly mulling over stuff, reading here, talking DH's ears off (Im a verbal processor ;)) and thinking about parenting pretty much non stop. I'm still figuring it out and have lots of questions and sometimes feel like I'm flailing, but it is getting easier. :yes The beginning of the journey can be very overwhelming. But you'll find so many answers and all the support and encouragement you could hope for here. Glad you found GCM.

Well. That's a lot of words and about zero practical help. (But get your dh on those hook and eye locks ASAP!) So...here's another :hug Make life as easy on yourself as possible and give yourself lots and lots of grace right now.

[katiekind]

NOt having the book right now you might check out this summary (http://www.centerforparentingeducation.org/programs_articlesresource_byage.html#year5h).

Perfect! That is great!

How do you teach if you don't make the disobedience unappealing

It's not so much that disobeying is so appealing, it is that jumping on the bed has magnetic appeal to a child his age. Unless your relationship is really adversarial he's probably not thinking, "I'm going to go in there and disobey." He's just seeing that bed in all its glorious bounciness and next thing you know, because he is full of 4-year-old-boyness, he's up on the bed testing out that bounce.

He doesn't understand all the adult reasons why it is not a good idea. In fact, until he hears you coming down the hall he probably doesn't remember you said not to do this.

As the grownup who DOES understand all the above, you remove his access to that room to keep him and your belongings safe.

How will he learn? Well, he won't be 4 forever. His brain, impulse control, and reasoning skill is maturing all the time. You will see him become more dependable as he gets more experienced in life and as he matures.

[hotnostril]

I think while your making the transition from spanking to being gentle it's terribly confusing for him. He doesn't know what's going to happen next, what to expect or what's expected of him.

Take a DEEP BREATH, relax. You're older, smarter and bigger and more considerate than he is, that's just a fact.

Think it through.

He's four and not capable yet of being left even for a moment unsupervised. Keep him with you at all times and involve him in everything your doing and take the time to talk to him. He's four, ask him how's he feeling, what he thinks about _____, what could you do to help him listen better and stuff like that. If you're involved in something he can't do have him play at your feet. Take the time to play with him. Make time everyday to take him outside to run off some of that energry. Be consistant, he needs to know what to expect and where the boundries are.

[Domina]

One abbreviation you'll see a lot around here is GOYBP - it stands for Get Off Your Butt Parenting. It sounds like you're doing a ton of that, (as much as you can physically handle) but the website still may have some solid ideas for you.

http://goybparenting.com

Basically, the idea is that kids learn obedience because they trust that your words have meaning. If you instruct your 4 yr old to brush his teeth and he fiddle-farts around, you'll help him. If he fights going to bed on his own, you'll help him. He'll learn that "resistance is futile" because Mom WILL gently, persistently, firmly ensure that her instructions are carried out. Disobedience is not an option.

Four is still really young. Four seems old enough to obey based on verbal direction alone, but four year olds often need physical help accomplishing tasks (and avoiding misfortune)!

Four is also a great age to use the 5 Steps.

http://aolff.org/grace-based-discipline/the-5-steps

[natural_mama]

I'm actually so unwell I qualify for homehelp :blush I get a housekeeper for free til after baby arrives. I must sound pretty pathetic - I know alot of other people have it rougher than I do! We don't have a TV set up but I do let them watch stuff on youtube (beatrix potter/paddington bear/noddy/hairy maclary etc). I found when I let them watch heaps they got over the interest factor fast and still got into trouble which is why we cut it down but yeah I've definitely had to bend the way our family normally does stuff.

We went right away from spanking before I was pregnant and before that spanking wasn't the only/main form of discipline. Alot of what we do now is stuff we've always done, in fact we haven't ADDED anything so much as just stopped doing a couple of things (spanking, timeouts) so I wouldn't have thought it was that much of an adjustment??? Sorry if I'm asking so many inane questions I don't have anyone else to ask and I'm really struggling to work stuff out with my brain ATM :blush I actually think its all gotten abit overwhelming for ME than anyone else!! When Daddys home hes able to be alot more onto than me and bang we don't have any trouble (I mean we get the tantrums but thats an attitude thing IYKWIM) but I just can't juggle all of it right now, like physically I can't and I feel like I'm failing so emotionally I'm getting upset as well as fatigued by trying to be everything to everyone like normal when things aren't normal. How do other people cope with balancing it all when you can't actually meet all the requirements of your children for a time? I can't keep up with them and trying makes me cry which makes me feel out of control which makes me cry harder which makes them be all sweet and cuddly which makes me feel guilty which makes me cry harder then I end up calling DH and he can't even understand me on the other end of the phone as I beg him to just come and help me coz I'm so tired and I can't do it anymore. Sigh.

No we don't have any family or friends or anybody who would take the boys. We're still trying to decide whether or not to put them into kindy/care in January... I think we need to though TBH its upsetting... Thoughts?

Seriously I'm not so cry-ful and off top of it normally :blush I hate being pregnant. Am I allowed to say that? Coz its so true... Today I'm retching or throwing up, I wanted to bake bread with the kids but I can't stand up at the bench and we don't have a table, the shelf broke yesterday so all the boardgames are in a pile all mixed up on the floor and when I look at it I cry so trying to find all the pieces to a game would i think have me in a state, and seriously I feel like a team of kickboxers have taken to my pelvis. How do you be a GOYB parent??? Thats not a rhetorical question - what would you do???? Huh, why did I finally get my registration accepted when I'm being a crazy person?! I'll never live this down :bag

[Amber]

:hug This is a rough season for you, but it won't last forever.

When times like this roll around and you aren't physically able to GOYB I tend to really lower my standards. I drop back to just keeping everyone safe and fed I and (diapers changed if any are in diapers). That may mean that you let him jump on the bed (in our house that is allowed anyway :giggle ), or watch more TV than usual. Perhaps using disposable plates/silverware to make life that much easier. Using day care or a mother day out type of program to help until you are back on your feet. You can always pull him out later if you need to.

You won't be pregnant forever and you can tighten up your standards again once you are feeling better.

[katiekind]

I'll never live this down

You will. It's obvious you're in tough circumstances right now, and things won't always be like this. You're a kind, resourceful, articulate, thoughtful person--who is having a difficult time at the moment. Please don't worry about how you're coming across. :hugheart

[natural_mama]

:blush:no oohhhhh dear that was a very VERY complaining post!! S'ok though I have a plan :thumbsup

The reason our bedroom is offlimits is because DH is currently sleeping on a mattress on the floor as we were keeping each other awake - his snuggling bugged me, my tendency to swivel sideways in bed and drape my legs over his chest annoyed him - go figure :giggle and I find it impossible to put things away as I can't walk on the mattress coz of my hips. So anyway tomorrow (being saturday) I'm going to ask DH to stand the mattress up and we'll reorder the room (order = childproof) and he can just stand it up in the mornings and voila:clap
We'll also all sit down together and put all the games back together which will mean I don't feel overwhelmed and the boys will love the 'family job' ;)
We have a mat, a fish bucket and a pile of dry sand (dry being the operative word as its been pouring down for the last week) in the garage so I'm going to ask DH to set up a 'sandpit' for the boys in our currently empty dining room - theres a bonus to having a ton of stuff stored on a different island!! which should help with the sensory play right?? Plus I'll make up some more playdough colours and next week I might trawl the opshops for some more baking utensils...
I'm getting the impression from my own post that I need a break (or am I just hoping thats the impression thats there so I have an excuse for the following ;)) so I'm going to do what I planned on doing awhile ago and start aqua aerobics at the pool as most other forms of exercise are a no-no ATM. Plus I'm going to get us back into doing yoga in the mornings before our circle time.
Ohhh ohhh AND my marvelous dad sent his christmas presents over from Aussie and he brought us a TENT :wow:dance We'd really wanted to get one but we moved a couple of weeks ago and then got hit with a big bill (always at christmas!) so we'd had to shelve our plans but he knew its the only way we can afford to take the kids on holiday and he knows how hard we've worked to get debtfree this year and decided to shout us. Totally blown away!!! Plus he got the boys fishing rods. So yeah that was a surprise blessing - God is so good to us even when we feel we don't deserve it... So we'll be able to take the kids off for DHs week off and just chill out which will be a wonderful break from having our days revolve around whether or not mummy can be fun ;)
:ty so much to all of you! I'm sorry for just coming in and doing a (rather self-pitying) dump on y'all and I appreciate your advice and kindness and the lack of kicks up the pants!!! We still have 4 months of pregnancy and associated difficulties to go but I think I'm over myself enough to get on with it now :giggle

---------- Post added at 01:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:19 PM ----------

Amber thanks for that reminder that I can always pull them out of care later!! I think we will go with the kindy/care option because I need the break (I may not like the way that sounds but its true!!) and it'll help with resting after baby arrives too. DS1 turns 5 in July and we'll be homeschooling so at the most its only til then and of course if DS2 is happy in care then it may mean I have 2 mornings a week to do older stuff with DS1 then right?!

Note to self : God ALWAYS provides a silver lining - start remembering to look for it more often :amen

[katiekind]

You sound like you feel so much better just having some new things to try! Yay! I have to tell you that you sound AMAZING -- the activities you have planned out for your kids when you don't even feel well--I'm just in awe.

:cheer

[natural_mama]

Hahaha :cough cough: yep thats me :cough cough: amazing :cough cough: :giggle it sounds ALOT better in writing than it does in our home ;) anyway DH put the veto on the sandpit for now coz he used the fishbucket but hes got a couple of other ideas that we're going to try! I didn't mention that we moved less than a month ago (read: I moved the majority of our home singlehandedly while wrangling the boys with a 45minute drive between our last house and this house and strategically placed bags in the ute and houses and tucked in boxes for throwing up!) then I ended up in hospital with DS2 2 days later who was having febrile convulsions and didn't get any sleep to speak of for a week so I've actually brought this little meltdown on myself - not amazing, in fact very unwise mama!!! Just in the interest of being honest and all :sigh: I'd much rather be amazing than unwise but there it is - I, natural_mama, have put you all through a thread of tantrum-like proportions, because I decided I looked good as super-woman. AND to top it all off, I can't even stay miserable for very long coz I'm an inveterate optimist and get bored super fast of being a grizzleguts!! I actually feel really bad for being a timewaster (even though it made me feel better and I got lots of good advice!) and DH thinks I'm being hilariously silly but I did feel I should apologise!!

---------- Post added at 10:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:59 PM ----------

Oh and I put this all in the wrong area because, in my misery, I made Mr 4 the scapegoat :bag In saying that we really are fazed by his behaviour but uhm I have realised it might be more a case of me needing to be a tad more responsible and catching up on my rest versus my child being a holy terror :giggle

[staceylayne]

AND to top it all off, I can't even stay miserable for very long coz I'm an inveterate optimist and get bored super fast of being a grizzleguts!!

Ha! That sounds so much like me! :giggle

No need for the apology...sometimes just processing the anxiety by posting here is enough to make me feel better. It's a good reminder to me that life always seems so much more overwhelming when I'm unrested! Amazing how that works...

[chasingbutterflies]

Re: the preschool in January - my 3 almost 4 year old did much better when he was going to preschool four mornings a week. We recently moved and he is no longer going and he begs to go back. Obviously, I am not saying you should or should not send him, but for our family, it was really positive. They did a lot of gross motor stuff there and he really enjoyed the structure.

I hope things get a lot easier soon. Pregnancies that disable you like that are hard bit physically and emotionally :hug2 you sound like you are doing a great job trying to stay positive. :heart

[Sonata]

I would encourage you to not feel guilty about putting your kids in kindycare. I was going through a similar thing this fall -- I needed surgery and wouldn't be able to take care of my very active son full-time for a while. At first I thought I would be able to get by on a couple weeks of daycare and then bring him home, but finally I realized I was just making things harder for all of us. I found him a school, put him in 5 mornings a week (which I NEVER would have considered before!!!)....... and it's all great. He loves it and is learning all kinds of things that wouldn't have happened if I'd started out slowly. But even MORE importantly, I am able to get my rest, and be a good Mama when he comes home again at lunch time. It's amazing what a difference it makes, when you're physically exhausted and you get to actually rest a little bit!

PS. I made sure to rest. Our house is still a disaster, because I know it's better for my whole family if I rest when I'm tired, instead of over-extending myself in a new way.

[natural_mama]

Turns out he was on abit of a hyperactive high, he must have had too much of something his system doesn't like since we can't pin down one thing we know hes had that sends him nutty. Hes settled down alot more and while he can still be aggressive and loud and defiant its way less than it was. We've adjusted a few things like how we have our meals, we all find something to be thankful for after prayers, DH and I now sit down round the boys table to eat - our dining table is in storage up north so the boys have been at the coffee table while we eat on the couch but now we pull our big pillows up and all sit together, with our candle lit in the middle of the table which adds a wonderufl intimacy to our meals, and DH also changed our yard around so they've been using the tramp ALOT more too and burning off much needed energy. They're hilarious with the yoga :giggle the positions they get into... but it does seem to be helping them focus plus its one more thing they get to do with Mama so its a plus for them. I wrenched my pelvis quire badly on sunday when we went for a bushwalk so my right leg/pelvis can't take much weight which has meant less outdoor-y stuff but we've been making peg people and bread and yoghurt and ginger beer and stuff which DS1 loves - hes been very vocal about how much he enjoys it so thats a positive. He'll be starting kindy in the new year, probably 2 - 3 mornings a week and so long as theres no bullying he'll have a blast. I'll miss him though :) Just thought I'd do abit of an update anyway! Thanks everyone!!