closing a 2 year old.

[mommie]

In there room?
Dh wantsbme to do this to ds when he tantrums. Instead of what I normally do which is picking him up so he doesn't hurt others or trying to nurse him to distrat him.
Ds is not that verbal if it makes a diff.
Your thoughts?

[Kiara.I]

Most children calm down better when they're with a parent they trust. A *very* few will prefer their own space.

But it sounds like yours calms down fine with you, and doesn't need his own space, so his suggestion doesn't seem helpful.

One thing you could do is work toward teaching him coping skills, rather than just distracting him. That comes in handy later. ;) But that's active *teaching*, not "shove him in a room so he's out of my way", which seems to be more what your partner is suggesting.

[FebFaith]

It seems like instead of calming the child, it might make matters worse to close them in their room. Seems scary to me. I think you are just going to end up on the other side of the door keeping him in while he screams like a maniac to be let out. He'll be crying on one side and you on the other. I only say that because that is what would happen here. Go with him and teach him to calm down.

[mommie]

He thinks that will teach him to calm down and we should ignore the bad behavior.
How can I teach ds cooping technics. ?
He seems to have melt downs easier than my girls. And I think that's getting to his dad. Heck my velcro baby calmed down at this age where as ds seems more emotional. What am o doing wrong?

[Kiara.I]

The book Dealing with Disappointment can help you set up and teach coping skills. It's very cool.

Why yes, I may be intending to use it to teach *myself* coping skills too. ;)

[Amber]

Neither of my kids would have been able to calm themselves down from at tantrum at 2yrs if I had left them alone in their rooms. At that age they didn't have the skills they needed to calm down.

DS1 needed me to sit by him close enough that he knew I was there, but not touching/holding him. When he was ready we would snuggle.

DS2 needed me to pick him up and snuggle him. All tantrums would cease fairly quickly when I put my picked him up.

Each child is different, and needs different things. I'm sure many people thought that I was giving in or letting DS2 "win" when I would pick him up...but that's not how it was. His tantrum never really changed the situation, but snuggling with him helped calm those big feelings.

[mommie]

I thought putting my son in a room would be Quite panick inducing also.
H says ds is not a man . To which I always point out that he is two give him time.bi bf is also am issue. To which I pointed out Jesus was probably bf till three. I also tried to tell him how children where under there mothers care until 5 backp then. It's so pointless. Be thinks I'm depansing him meaning h as a man. I'm not.
I just wish h would read and do research.

Also
Ds poses a challnges for me with his emotions but I refuse to look at my son as the enemy.

---------- Post added at 08:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:33 PM ----------

Neither of my kids would have been able to calm themselves down from at tantrum at 2yrs if I had left them alone in their rooms. At that age they didn't have the skills they needed to calm down.

DS1 needed me to sit by him close enough that he knew I was there, but not touching/holding him. When he was ready we would snuggle.

DS2 needed me to pick him up and snuggle him. All tantrums would cease fairly quickly when I put my picked him up.

Each child is different, and needs different things. I'm sure many people thought that I was giving in or letting DS2 "win" when I would pick him up...but that's not how it was. His tantrum never really changed the situation, but snuggling with him helped calm those big feelings.
Ithis. I'm not giving into his tantrums and letting him play with that knife he really wanted. Or allowing him to hit his sisters or throw things. He's not getting his way. I'm just helpinghim calm his big feelings.

[Thankfulforgrace]

:hug

I agree that some kids need the time alone but I don't think it's most kids. Mine would have freaked to be separated from me, if she was already melting down she was out of control and scared, separation only adds to that.

When melt downs occur I reflect feelings (very basic "you are feeling very upset." or You are mad that ____ happened. Or whatever) and if you feel that he's ready for it things like, "sometimes it helps to take slow breaths" or if hitting, "you may hit this pillow, not me" etc.

[Frostbit Phoenix]

I'd think cps would frown upon locking a child away like that.
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[Amber]

At this age I started adding in more emotional vocabulary. I really like the book The Way I Feel (http://www.amazon.com/Way-I-Feel-Janan-Cain/dp/1884734715/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323916080&sr=8-1) as a starting point for naming emotions. They may not be able to tell you exactly what they are feeling at 2yrs, but it is a great time to start naming emotions so when they are able to tell you about it they have the words they need.

[R7blessings]

If your hubby really can't take the noise of a tantrum--- then go with your little one 'together' into his room snd shut the door.
But by all means-- stay with the poor little guy during his meltdown.
The only way he will ever learn to calm down--- is in the presence of a calm adult.

Sit and hold him, tell him everything will be ok. Talk softly to him and 'model' deep breathing.
You will be amazed at how quickly he will catch on and learn from you.

Your doing great!