He argues with everything I say!

[LovelyGourmet]

Seriously! Every sentence that comes out of my mouth C says the opposite. :mutter

I used to just ignore it but it is getting SO annoying! I don't know what else to do.

Here's a few examples:

Me: *turning off t.v.*
C: Mommy why are you turning off the t.v.?
Me: Because you've watched all of your shows today.
C: *whining* NO mama, no I haven't watched all my shows.
Me: Yes, the rule is three shows and you watched x, y, and z, that's three.
C. No it isn't mama, that's not three!!!!
Me: I'm done talking about it.
C: No your not! It's not three mama!!!! I want to watch t.v.
Me: (ignoring him)
C: Mama, please, please, PLEEEEEAAAAASE I want to watch another movie :hissyfit etc. etc. etc.

Me: You need to put your coat on before we go outside.
C: No I don't.
Me: Yes, it's cold out there. You will turn into an icicle! (Being silly)
C: No it's not cold
Me: Put your hand outside, feel how cold.
C: NO! I don't want to wear my coat!
etc. etc. etc.

Me: C please give me some space I'm feeling smashed.
C: No your not.
Me: Yes C I am. It's my body and I am feeling like I need space. I need you to move.
C: No mommy you don't need space *crawling all over me*
Me: GET OFF!!! :ph
C: *laughing*
DH: C! Get off of mom.
C: Awww..... :( *gets off*
Me: :jawdrop

:help

[J3K]

He's three , it comes with the territory. He's learning that words have extreme power.

I picked up on the fact , when my son was three , that we were "always arguing" with him. He'd say one thing , we'd counter , and so forth. When ds started doing it too it was annoying until I realized that's how he thought we were supposed to communicate. :giggle So we stopped countering. Worked like a charm.

To use your examples:
Me: *turning off t.v.*
child :: Mommy why are you turning off the t.v.?
Me: Because you've watched all of your shows today.
Child: *whining* NO mama, no I haven't watched all my shows. I wanna watch more tv :hissyfit
Me: The answer is no. I'm going to empty the dishwasher if you want to help. *walks away*

[mrsd]

DS used to argue too. I often thought he should go to law school...he could argue about anything. One Sunday he wanted to go to McDonalds after church, but I said "No, we already went out twice this week" and he argues back "No, Sunday is the first day of the week and we haven't been anywhere this week"

[houseforjoy]

yep most of those situations i would answer with one statement at most and then "bean dip"

for the coat i would just go up to him with coat in hand and say "let's get your coat on" instead of telling him he needs to do.

with the tv situation i would do like above turn tv off then answer "you've watched your shows, let's go do this, or Oh i have to go do X now"

with the other situation i would just move him as i am saying somthing like "thanks for snuggling with me! why don't you go read a book, or bring a book here and sit next to me and we can read it together" if arguments/tantrums insue just repeat and then disengage

If there is something that gets them really upset i do try and also validate their feelings first and then move on. " i know you get disappointed when the tv goes off but it is time to be all done" or "I see that you really want some more snuggles, maybe we can snuggle again before bed"

[Llee]

Welcome to three! :shifty

[RainbowMummy]

My DD2 is 3.5 at the moment. They are all different but with my current three year old it does help to draw her closer. With a 10 month old as well, when I actually get him off for a nap believe me my entire being is screaming to be left ALONE!! But of course my 3 year old then needs a cuddle. When I scoop her up with a big grin, zoom her through the air like a plane & land on the couch with her whispering in her ear 'What do you want me to play with you?' it feels up her love tank sooooooo much quicker & she's happier to leave me sooner. (I think I'll wait until she has her own 3 year old woes before I tell her my cunning plan :lol )
What JK3 said about the stating what is happen as fact & then walking away to do it, I've done with both mine. There seemed to definitely be a time for explaining the reasons why & a time for stating the fact & then putting action into what was happening to show no if's, but's, or maybes.

There are times when I will address tantrums & help them work through big feelings & times when I can sense my addressing it adds fuel to the fire so it's best to ignore the tantrum & be nearby doing a job. Maybe even looking like I'm having fun doing the job (sing/dance) so the child learns that screaming /arguing isn't working & is then in a better place to be able to learn a better way to communicate.

Also, maybe you could have set 'treats' or stop times for you in your mind for when you are struggling with something. For example, since having three kids there has been many times where in my mind I've needed to force myself to think 'All the pressure I'm feeling isn't necessary. I can just change my plans. All I NEED to do right now is just meet this childs needs. It won't take more than 10 mins & then I can go & make myself a delicious coffee & put on my favourite music CD.' It can just help with getting through the many moments of frustration.

[bolt.]

You: *turning off t.v.*
C: Mommy why are you turning off the t.v.?
You: Because you've watched all of your shows today.
C: *whining* NO mama, no I haven't watched all my shows.
...
You: This is my choice. I turned the TV off, and it is going to stay off. Do you have feelings about that? I can hug you if you want.

I think you are mistaking his ability to use the vocabulary of adult reasoning for an actual ability to reason. He's not reasoning, and this is not actually an 'argument' -- this is him trying to use various 'powerful' phrases to try and make the world happen the way he wants it to happen. It's the logical equivalent of "but I don't like it" (said 8 times, using different words).

You: You need to put your coat on before we go outside.
C: No I don't.
...
You: People who are going outside wear coats in the winter. It is winter, and we are going outside. Will you put your coat on yourself (and get a treat <optional>) or will I put it on for you?

Again, his conversation is, "I don't want to." -- said 8 times using different words. You don't have to engage with his words and their pseudo-logic. Just accept that they mean he doesn't like what's happening, and help him to cope with stuff that happens that he doesn't like.

You: C please give me some space I'm feeling smashed.
C: No your not.
You: Yes C I am. It's my body and... I decide what to do with it and who is allowed to touch it. Get off me this instant (or I will put you or me somewhere so that you can't keep doing this when I am not willing).

Just try to focus these things on your ability to do what you say -- regardless of his opinions. If he must express them, just say, "Yes dear." and carry on. He's allowed to have an opinion (even an irrational one, like he decides how mommy feels about mommy's body)... you don't have to talk him out of it, or get him to agree with you. Just carry on doing what you need to do.

Your self-assertion expresses a mindset kind of like, "You can think what you want, but you are going to need to do what I say and/or experience the results of your choices that I determine."

[GraemesMomma]

Thank you, Pam! I needed some advice on arguing and found this. Exactly what I needed. :hug

[Katigre]

You're engaging him and that is why the argument is continuing ;). If you aren't in the mood for a discussion, then don't enter one with a 3 year old.

Here is how I would handle each of those dialogues if I wanted to curtail arguing:

Me: *turning off t.v.*
C: Mommy why are you turning off the t.v.?
Me: Because you've watched all of your shows today.
C: *whining* NO mama, no I haven't watched all my shows.
Me: You are disappointed that the TV is off. You can go to XYZ.
(rinse,repeat from then on - you can ignore and not engage after a certain point once you have given your answer. He is free to beg/plead and you are entitled to holding the boundary and redirecting him to something else, and also getting yourself engaged in another activity where he can join you)


Me: You need to put your coat on before we go outside.
C: No I don't.

Your choices (either may be appropriate depending on the situation - I am far more lenient with no coats in 40 degree weather than I am with -20 degree weather ;))
1. "I will help you put on your coat - it is not an option to not wear it" (commence putting on his coat, in spite of protest, and then go outside and move onto the next activity as quickly as possible)
2. "If you do not wear a coat you will get cold. I will carry it (or you will carry it). Let's go out the door now.


Me: C please give me some space I'm feeling smashed.
C: No your not.
Me: Yes C I am. It's my body and I am feeling like I need space.

You need to enforce your body boundary by either physically moving him off of you or getting up from where you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Basically - don't fall into thinking you have to convince him to agree with you, just state the boundary and enforce it with a brief explanation (short and to the point is better with a 3 year old :yes. Overtalking winds you up in frustration more times than not.)