ANXIETY & Refusing to go to school!

[fairolivia]

My 61/2 is down right refusing to go to school... about once a week. I'm a teacher at his school (different grade) so this poses a big problem for us. The bigger problem is how to help my son with his anxiety, stress and anger.

Sadly, I can think of many possible causes for this :cry :
--He's always been very attached.
-- He's highly sensitive.
--He's an introvert
--He's VERY stubborn
--We moved 3 years ago from the States (with month long stays with grandparents first then to the UK then 2 months later to Europe).
--Last year (when it started getting bad) was very stressful with a constantly changing school schedule & change of schools. He didn't trust (they weren't bad just not sensitive. --I was stressed out & distracted.
--To add to this my Dh & I bicker often; it's our way of dealing with our own stress, anxiety & depression (long story).
--This year he started First grade and then was being bullied by 3rd graders (thankfully that has stopped).

So far my work is very supportive (a benefit to working with other teachers & mothers). I've talked to the school counselor, but she has yet to see him.

We are looking for an English speaking counselor... not easy here. Last night I found the Celebrate Calm program and my friend told me about The Journey program. Both look like what we need! Anyone tried these???

I don't know how to handle this??? In these moments he's so angry, throws fits, hits, yells, calls me names and is SO defiant. He throws his clothes and sometimes locks himself in the bathroom.

I now stay calm and tell him we HAVE to go to school. An upbeat, "It's time to go." about a million times. He says 'Make Me!' I say I'm not going to and I'm not going to trick him or bargain with him (tried all these in the past :blush but they DON'T WORK). We do have a sticker chart with a toy as a reward. I needed some sort of distraction from the negativity. It helped a bit, but the charm is fading. SO I wait, dressed and ready to go, and say "We need to go; it's time to go." again and again... for hours! Often I get hungry and have snack or a cup of tea, but I still am ready to go.
I had to stay home today because of this again. Told him we should see the doctor for his little cold. :-/
It SO stressful. Exhausting.
Any wisdom??? Anyone go through this???

[ChristmasGirl]

didn't want to read and not respond. :hugheart i'm a preschool teacher, and i my dd has lots of illnesses and also stress/anxiety related to school, and it's been a LOT worse in the past but still affects my work. In fact i had to call of again today. I dont' have any terrific answers for you, but i think counseling would be great if you could get it worked out. (((hugs))) if i think of anything helpful then i'll let you know.

[mamacat]

Im sure you have asked him what makes him feel like he doesnt want to go.And then really let him speak out his big feelings and things causing him anguish with you kind of echoing the things he is saying.Not when he is already upset.Then maybe you could ask him what would help him feel better about going.With my grandson it was a matter of having to be dropped off instead of being walked to class the way he was initially.Those arent the exact dynamics but there may be something else.Are you sure the bullying has stopped?Even if it has he may need some sort of help to process what all that did to his spirit

[FlyingBlueKiwi]

You may not want to hear this...

Looking at your post, your DS reminds me of me at that age. I did not realize it until many years later, and my parents never recognized it at all, but as a highly sensitive introvert, school for me was like a pencil being ground down in an electric pencil sharpener. I could make it through a few days, but then would seriously need a mental health break. I didn't know it for what it was at the time, and so I 'played sick,' but that is what it was. Because of my personality, the schools I attended (regular public schools) just ground me down. To this day I think I would have had a much happier and more successful childhood if I had been able to attend a small Montessori or similar school with fewer people, where I had a real say over the contents of my days.

[fairolivia]

It IS a small Montessori school. :lol And it finishes at lunch time. And I work there. You can't ask for a better situation :shrug3 ... the next best thing to homeschool (which is NOT an option for legal/visa reasons).

[NovelMama]

What is your role at the school? Would it be possible for him to come to school but stay with you for a while, to transition from home to school to his own classroom slowly?

[cbmk4]

It sounds like he has the best possible school situation for your circumstances. Can you get any counseling help for yourselves and your son? (Oh, I just see you addressed this in the OP) His anxiety may have both a genetic and an environmental influence.:hug2

Can you have practice the transitions on non-school days, and role play to help him feel confident and safe in the routine. I think that the angry fits are really just demonstrating how anxious he is.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[ThreeKids]

I'm wondering if the bullying is still going on. From his perspective, he told adults and, if it hasn't truly stopped, it may look to him like telling doesn't help so why tell again. It may even be that telling causes negative things to happen like retaliation and adults looking first for how he "caused" it or if he's telling the truth and he may not want to go through that step.

[expatmom]

I've read this 2x but haven't had a chance to comment. bbl. :hug