Need to process this...

[Amy]

I'm doing my best to curb the yelling (via the yelling thread) and realized just now one of my triggers is ds1's behavior in school. He was recently diagnosed ADHD and has been on 10mg Focalin since mid Nov after being on 5mg for a week before that. This was his first full week on the 10mg. Between Nov 16th and the beginning of this week (so 4.5 school days) there were 4 days where he got 0 checks by his name and one day he got 1 check. He gets checks by his name when the teacher has to tell him more than once to stop doing something (or to do something). She makes allowances for the impulsive behaviors. She's a good teacher who wants him to do well. So this week he got 7 checks by his name. Not what I was expecting at all. I was expecting less than that since he did so well the previous 4.5 days. I want to scream and yell and pitch a huge fit (at ds unfortunately) because I think he should've done much better. I should add that they get grades for behavior. Last 9 weeks it was a D, should've been an F but she knew he was ADHD and made it D. To get an A in behavior, he can't get more than 8 checks. So yeah, he's already blown that and it just makes me want to punish him. Actually since the beginning of this 9 weeks to today he's gone beyond an F (just went looking through his notebook at how many checks he's gotten). This just upsets me beyond belief and it's one of the reasons I'm considering homeschooling next year. His grades are wonderful (I know he's bored). If he could just quit getting checks everything would go much smoother. So I guess it comes back that all his checks reflect badly on him and then on me. I just want him to do well and when he doesn't I want to punish him.

Well, if nothing else typing all this out has helped get out the anger and icky energy so now I can help him with his chores with a calmer spirit.

[MercyInDisguise]

:hug2 That sounds rough. I will be :pray4 that you will reach a good decision about homeschooling vs. not. It sounds like you are really frustrated. :hug

[Domina]

Unfortunately, with an ADHD kid, the expectation of saying things only once is pretty unrealistic. My brother is 28 and he still struggles to "hear" anything outside the voices in his head sometimes. He does well if someone makes eye contact with him, or touches his arm, etc. before speaking. Could you ask the teacher what she may be doing to gain his attention before giving directions? Maybe she needs some tools to help "capture" him before she speaks.

[klpmommy]

Honestly, it sounds like homeschooling will be a very good choice for him. :hug You don't have to wait until the end of the year to do it, you can start any time if you choose.

Other than that, what do you think made the difference b/w the two weeks? Diet? Stress? Sleep? Are you sure he took the meds this week (I had students fake their parents out and not take it sometimes)?

And, tbh, bored kids, esp extraverted ones, will act out in school. Intraverted ones can daydream their way through the boredom. Extraverts can't. A bored extravert is a "trouble maker" esp before they gain real impulse control. Bored is nearly as bad as "behind". Both will misbehave. And why I am glad we are homeschooling.

If you want to work with the school, there are several teachers and former teachers here who can give you advice that way. But like I said, if you are planning on HS, I'd start asap rather than waiting.

[Amy]

Is definitely taking them. He can't swallow so dh cuts the capsule open and puts it on a spoonful of yogurt or applesauce (per dr's orders). He is definitely an extrovert. I was very close to pulling him out a month ago but we got the diagnosis and the Focalin and decided to see what would happen. I'm wondering if it's possible for him to have gotten use to the 10mg and is now needing more in 2 weeks time. I don't think it's possible, but I don't know. I'll give it through next week. I also plan on taking him to a family Christian therapist I saw years ago. The psych thought he was too young for behavior modification type therapy, but it can't hurt. If anything I should go for my own coping needs. I'm really disappointed in the psych in that he has offered no parental support at all.

[bolt.]

I think it would help you if you think of the 'checks' as a simple record of reality which has occurred. The reality which has occured is that your son has had a week with more than the average amount of difficulty in meeting external expectations.

His grades are the same -- they are not an accomplishment, a goal, a motivational technique, or a statement of value. They are a simple, hopefully accurate, reflection of the actual difficulties he faces.

I'm sad that your son suffers from ADHD... but it is a fact of your life, and it is a fact of his life. It's a fact that shows up on 'records' that accurately reflect his life. It's a little bit like a blind person failing gym class -- it shows that s/he can't do all that the other kids can do... passing wouldn't be accurate. It doesn't mean that the blind person should do better.

Of course, you say he can do better -- at least better than this week.

It's fine that you know that, but try to think in terms of 'factors' that affected him -- not so much in terms of 'if he only would try his utmost 100% of the time'. Having a tough week is not a moral failing. Be pro-active to see if there's any way to support his efforts to do better next week... but if the topic is just harder than usual, or if his social life is at a stressful point, or if he's coming down with a cold... yeah, that's one of those realities that shows up on an accurate record of reality. Those things happen... and that's what real life looks like, when it's recorded in check marks.

[LilacPhoenix]

:hugheart Something that I read recently that has really helped me have more patience with Ethan (SPD) - A hallmark of any neurological abnormality is inconsistency. If I keep that in mind, I don't get as frustrated that he can't do x when he had no problems doing it yesterday. Or this morning. Or 1 hour ago...

[Chaos Coordinator]

IMO it's unrealistic to expect people to do things the first time they are asked. Although I won't tell you how many times I got upset with my son for that exact issue yesterday :bag

My dh has ADHD with auditory processing issues and so that makes for very messy communication sometimes. Perhaps that is something else to consider :think

[rjy9343]

Your son sounds like my brother. He is brilliant beyond words and has always been. But he also has the impulse control of my toddler. (Come to think of it, her might be better). His grades in kindergarten we great, except for conduct. He never had a prayer. My mother decided it was in his best interest to home school him and she was right. I don't remember if ADD/ADHD was recognized at the time, but I don't think it was. But I do know that being able to have a curriculum that was tailored to him and the flexibility to move and get out his pent up energy was the best thing that could have happened for all concerned. And now many schools and churches have the extra curricular activities in which home schooled children can take part. He won't miss out on anything.