How to handle these two situations??

[DavidKelleyMay18]

I want to lose it, and I'm hoping that coming here will prevent it. Just came back from Wal-mart with all 5 kids. Shopping seems to be going better, but I feel like I never want to go shopping with my kids. Whether the trip seems to go good or not every single time I get to the register the kids feel the need to tell me something or ask something. I try to tell them to wait, and the mouths still go on. I just want to concentrate on coupons and paying to make sure everything goes right. What is it and any advice??

Then I come home with them, and I have a few kids that will ignore one of the kids if another child is calling their name..not just calling their name but example Isaiah (ignore) Isaiah (ignore) Isaiah (ignore) until I step in and say would you like it if you were ignored. Of course the obvious no then answer your brother/sister. Let's try again, and we do it again. How do you handle this? I'm soo exhausted as I feel like maybe I'm not handling it right. Well I got soo mad but I just went over to him grabbed him and said up to your room. I just needed a break. I could have handled it calmly I know. At least I didn't hit as I soo wanted to. I know you all must be handling these situations better than I am.

Please give me advice on what to do at the register and with kids that ignore each other!!! AGH!!!

[Happygrl]

My kids get jobs at check out--loadinf the bags to the cart, holding the coupons, holding my debit card, etc.

Ignoring would depend on the age. My 7yo will ignore the youngest sometimes---scripts help. And I call her on it after the first ignoring (I can tell by her body language or face when she is purposefully doing that).

[Titus2Momof4]

:hug2 :hug2

At the register: I, like you, need to concentrate and pay attention. Although, I don't use coupons :blush (because I don't have time to cut them), I still want to pay attention and make sure prices ring up right, etc. So, I have told my kids NOT to talk to me when I'm checking out. Anything they ask for while I'm checking out is an instant no (that right there pretty much stopped it in its tracks :shifty). What are they asking you, though? Are they asking for things (gum, candy :rolleyes @ the targeted consumerism :soapbox) or just talking to you? If it's the former, see above. ;) If it's the latter, remind them just as you're about to step into the line "Now remember, Mommy must pay attention and cannot talk to you while I'm checking out. Does anyone have anything to say to me before we get into the line?"

Ignoring siblings: In our home, it looks like this-

Child: "Isaiah (ignore)"
Child: "Isaiah (ignore)"
Child: "Isaiah (ignore)"
Me: Isaiah, is there a reason you're not answering your brother/sister?
(Isaiah answers my question. We go from there.)

Possible answers:
-"I just don't want to talk to him." -- Me: "Well, you could answer and tell him to wait a few minutes."
-"No, no reason -shrug-" -- "Well then...will you answer him please?" (all said in a normal, non-shaming, non-accusatory tone)
-"Yes, she's getting on my nerves." -- "How/why? What's going on?" -- <insert his answer> -- "Ok, well, she just wants to talk to you. You could let her know you're not ready to talk right now. <<turn to other child>> What do you need honey? Can mommy help answer your question?"

[DavidKelleyMay18]

My kids get jobs at check out--loadinf the bags to the cart, holding the coupons, holding my debit card, etc.

Ignoring would depend on the age. My 7yo will ignore the youngest sometimes---scripts help. And I call her on it after the first ignoring (I can tell by her body language or face when she is purposefully doing that).

My kids do help me with loading as well. Maybe I need to be sure each child takes a bag as usually the older ones are taking the bags into the cart, so it's typically the younger ones or even an older one trying to talk with me at check-out. Geez, just wait 1 minute, and he/she wasn't listening today when I say wait a minute. I was trying soo hard to stay calm.

With ignoring do you just script him/her. I feel like I continue this all of the time, and it doesn't get better. I feel soo exhausted. I feel I must be doing something wrong.

[WanderingJuniper]

I tackle the ignoring from both sides. I talk with the child ignoring the calls. A soft touch on the shoulder with "Isaiah, I think your sister is trying to get your attention." Honestly, I'm convinced there are times when my children do NOT hear each other.

I've taught all my children that if they are not getting a response after two calls you go to them make eye contact and or touch and try again. If they continue to ignore you, then you state, "I don't like it when you ignore me." I know I can zone out at times I certainly think it can happen to my kids.

As far as the store thing goes. Usually I am spent by the time we get to the check out on a big shopping trip. The kids could behave wonderfully but I've expended a lot of mental energy to keep them and myself well behaved and accomplish the task at hand. Check out comes at the end when I'm close to empty and so are the kids. :hug It's tough sometimes.

[DavidKelleyMay18]

I tackle the ignoring from both sides. I talk with the child ignoring the calls. A soft touch on the shoulder with "Isaiah, I think your sister is trying to get your attention." Honestly, I'm convinced there are times when my children do NOT hear each other.

I've taught all my children that if they are not getting a response after two calls you go to them make eye contact and or touch and try again. If they continue to ignore you, then you state, "I don't like it when you ignore me." I know I can zone out at times I certainly think it can happen to my kids.

As far as the store thing goes. Usually I am spent by the time we get to the check out on a big shopping trip. The kids could behave wonderfully but I've expended a lot of mental energy to keep them and myself well behaved and accomplish the task at hand. Check out comes at the end when I'm close to empty and so are the kids. :hug It's tough sometimes.

With my two kids I know that it is being done purposely. I keep rephrasing. I'm exhausted, and I'm just not sure when it will actually get better.

[SillyMommy]

I've taught all my children that if they are not getting a response after two calls you go to them make eye contact and or touch and try again. If they continue to ignore you, then you state, "I don't like it when you ignore me."

Love.

[Rabbit]

You can also stop before you step into the lane, and go over again all the rules and procedures for the check out lane, including holding any and all conversation until you are in possession of your receipt.

[RainbowMummy]

I love what others have shared. I find shopping hard too, I only have 3 but they are all under 6 years old. One thing that helped me feel better was learning that another Christian mum I know who has 6 children, doesn't do her big grocery shop with her kids. Her kiddies range from 1 year old to 18years so they are not all little either. She shops on Saturday morning while her husband minds their kids. I can't do that at the moment as my husband is juggling 3 jobs & study so he's not here to mind the children but it sure helped to know that a more experience mum than me didn't feel a failure for needing to go shopping without her children. To her, it's just what she does, no drama.
My kiddies love to help get things off the shelves & they like paper & a pen for their own list. Most of my shop is fruit & veggies & I do find it too hard to let them help there as I need to think so much to work out costs. But our standard grocery shop of set cereal, dog tins etc works ok for them to help.
It's not easy & I very much doubt we are ALL handling it better than you. :hug2

[gentlemommy]

I wonder if there is something else the kids *could* do while you are checking out. Maybe a game of "I Spy" or a game of "let's see if everyone can be totally quiet until I have the receipt in my hand and then we'll all say "Monkey underwear!" or something equally silly. Or you could keep some stickers (or lollipops :shifty) in your purse to pull out to occupy them for just a few minutes.

---------- Post added at 11:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 PM ----------

With my two kids I know that it is being done purposely. I keep rephrasing. I'm exhausted, and I'm just not sure when it will actually get better.

Why do you think they are doing it? To irritate their siblings, or because they don't want to be bothered, or something else?

[Love_Is_Patient]

I actually think the pestering (saying their name over and over) is just as rude as the ignoring. Have you tried to give them a script for not engaging: something like "I need some space right now" or "I need quiet right now, I can talk to you later" or something like that? Personally, I don't think it's fair to require older siblings to engage any time their younger sibling wants them to. Also, the youngers can be taught skills to cope with being ignored, like "If you say his name twice and he doesn't respond, then he's not able to pay attention right now. Come talk to Mom or find someone else to talk to."

[DavidKelleyMay18]

I wonder if there is something else the kids *could* do while you are checking out. Maybe a game of "I Spy" or a game of "let's see if everyone can be totally quiet until I have the receipt in my hand and then we'll all say "Monkey underwear!" or something equally silly. Or you could keep some stickers (or lollipops :shifty) in your purse to pull out to occupy them for just a few minutes.

---------- Post added at 11:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 PM ----------



Why do you think they are doing it? To irritate their siblings, or because they don't want to be bothered, or something else?

I'll have to figure out something to have them do or play or say or something until I pay at the register as I've got the shopping part pretty much figured out thus far.

About the ignoring I believe they do it to each other to irritate the other is for certain.

I actually think the pestering (saying their name over and over) is just as rude as the ignoring. Have you tried to give them a script for not engaging: something like "I need some space right now" or "I need quiet right now, I can talk to you later" or something like that? Personally, I don't think it's fair to require older siblings to engage any time their younger sibling wants them to. Also, the youngers can be taught skills to cope with being ignored, like "If you say his name twice and he doesn't respond, then he's not able to pay attention right now. Come talk to Mom or find someone else to talk to."

I don't believe that saying their name over and over again is rude. The child is not trying to be rude. It can be as simple as the child just trying to ask a question. The other day one of my kids was going to make themself lunch, and was trying to ask one of my youngest ones if he/she wanted the same, but the child would not answer when the name was being called. So it's not so and so you did this to me and that's why I'm calling your name. It's simple, and the child is being rude and ignoring on total purpose. I can't remember something happened recently and when I talked with one of the kids I was told well I didn't want to talk. I was told well I didn't want to talk. I said then you need to say I don't want to talk right now. I feel like all I do all day long is script as I'm sure many of you feel the same, but how far am I getting. I've been so mentally exhausted lately, and I've lost it a few times. I don't know how to stay in an okay place when there are soo many areas to fix. I feel one kid is okay, but then 2 secs later I have an issue with another kid, and it goes on. How am I supposed to survive all day long with this process? I feel like the last 2 weeks I've been in give up mode because of it all. Then I feel like if I go in the basement for 2 sec. when I come up all fire broke lose. It's so frustrating. When does it all end? I try soo hard!!

[WanderingJuniper]

Whether they are doing it on purpose or not does not change how you can handle it. Purpose or by accident it is about modeling and scripting proper behavior and treatment of other people.:shrug3

[ArmsOfLove]

It sounds like Isaiah has the ability you're wishing you had--the ability to tune out the noise and hyperfocus. It's not rude to be able to tune out the noise :heart

I tell my children at check out time, "Hey, I need my brain for a second. Stop talking." :)

and I consider getting the child who isn't hearing the other's attention just par for the course with a large family. I have to make sure their daddy responds to them too :heart

[Iarwain]

I am so glad I don't usually have to take my children to the store with me any more but when I did I ran into a lot of the same issues at the check out. Either everyone tried to talk to me at once or else my distraction with checking out was viewed as a *terrific* opportunity to pick on a sibling or to put one's hands where they ought not to go. It left me frazzled every. single. time. To make things more workable at times I gave very specific directions that I'm sure weren't fun for the kids but were necessary to preserve my sanity. It went like this:

"You. Stand here. You. Stand there. Put both hands on the shopping cart where I can see them. No talking."

"But Mommy, can I -"

"No talking."

"But I just want to -"

"No talking."

Of course I would explain when we started unloading the cart that I needed to concentrate on what I was doing but that never seemed to register on their radar. I might as well have been reciting the molecular composition of paint thinner. When I was ALL done and the bags were safely in the cart then I'd turn to each child and ask them what they wanted to tell me.

[Domina]

I don't believe that saying their name over and over again is rude. The child is not trying to be rude. It can be as simple as the child just trying to ask a question.

It can be that simple, certainly. But it can also be pestering, which should be discouraged. Siblings can learn to respect one another's need for space and quiet, however poorly it's communicated.

[ArmsOfLove]

what you're describing is just mothering lots of children :heart it's hard, and frustrating, and worthwhile and intense and amazing. And as they get older and you start seeing more fruit for your labor you have an easier time remembering why you do it :heart

I can't tell from your post if you are needing more tools, more realistic expectations, or help for depression or anxiety :hugheart

[DavidKelleyMay18]

It sounds like Isaiah has the ability you're wishing you had--the ability to tune out the noise and hyperfocus. It's not rude to be able to tune out the noise :heart

I tell my children at check out time, "Hey, I need my brain for a second. Stop talking." :)

and I consider getting the child who isn't hearing the other's attention just par for the course with a large family. I have to make sure their daddy responds to them too :heart

Ain't this the truth! ha~

---------- Post added at 05:19 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:17 AM ----------

It sounds like Isaiah has the ability you're wishing you had--the ability to tune out the noise and hyperfocus. It's not rude to be able to tune out the noise :heart

I tell my children at check out time, "Hey, I need my brain for a second. Stop talking." :)

and I consider getting the child who isn't hearing the other's attention just par for the course with a large family. I have to make sure their daddy responds to them too :heart

what you're describing is just mothering lots of children :heart it's hard, and frustrating, and worthwhile and intense and amazing. And as they get older and you start seeing more fruit for your labor you have an easier time remembering why you do it :heart

I just hope that one day my kids will think I did the best job. I try my best, but I know I do get upset and frustrated. There are some things I need to be more patient with which I know.

[MomtoJGJ]

I fix the checkout issue by having DH go to the store :shifty

But seriously, they load the conveyor or shelf, they take bags and put them in the buggy, they look at stuff (but don't touch, yeah right)... I tell them before the person starts checking us out that "I'm going to ignore you for a minute while they are checking me out, be with you in a minute" it's starting to work more and more... and would be perfect if my oldest would stop touching everything!

For the ignoring thing, I know exactly what you are talking about, and you can tell the difference in their tone. If one is calling the other and that one just isn't hearing I say "x, y is talking to you" and they say "oh, sorry! what do you need y?" (every single time, it's funny really).... If one is calling the other and that one is ignoring I say "x, answer y" and they say "but they are bothering me!" and I respond with either "they are just trying to get your attention" or "I'll speak to them about that but you answer them" and then I do. and if it is truly one just pestering the other one I say "sweetheart, your sister isn't in the mood to talk right now... is there something I can do? Or can you ask another sister?" at which point one of the other ones will pipe up "I'll help you out"

Sadly enough, these happen 99% of the time on road trips... we don't generally have much issues at home with it.... but in the van, man it's cut-throat!