Rose5000
11-24-2011, 10:16 AM
I got the title from someone here (it's Waldorf related)....It's called You Are Your Child's First Teacher. I'm only reading the chapter called Rhythm and Discipline in Home Life because that is where I need the most help. Wow! The ideas in there could be so life changing if I could apply them! Let me mention a few for starters:
from page 260---
"So much of discipline for young children involves self-discipline on the part of the adults: keeping regular fhythms in the home life, working on your own patience and emotional responses, being there when your child needs interaction. (For example, playing with your child first can free up an entire twenty minutes to read the paper, whereas telling her you'll do it in ten minutes can result in all kinds of emotional disasters)."
I might comment on that later. But there is another quote that was real helpful for me and I will explain why after I post the quote:
from page 252
"Parents have a natural authority with their children because the parents are adults, so children naturally look to them as knowing more about the world than they do....[adults] must make decisions based on a mature viewpoint, rather than on the child's own likes and dislikes. This is also true for the teacher, who must "hold" the class with the strength of his or her own being, or be overrun by a group of children who know that the teacher can't manage them."
My children are 6 and 7. I did not come to attachment parenting until I decided I needed some help bonding better with my children when they were about 1.5 and 3 or 2 and 3.5....something like that......
[Oh, by the way, I want to mention that I *do* realize Waldorf can be controversial because of the "off" spiritual stuff they teach. ...I'm not here advocating any of the weird stuff, just the stuff that seems to make sooooo much sense to me!]
So, anyway, one day, when I was trying to be especially "attached" with my children, i realized that there was something wrong with taking the idea of "paying attention to your child and following his cues".....that just doing whatever they wanted with no "adult maturity making the decisions about what we are going to do today" can be disastrous. I took the kids to the library and then brought them home and I just followed their lead and pretty soon I realized I was not tending to my own needs or the higher requirements of the children.... We all needed to be fed and so did I , and I was not listening to that higher need.....
So I really like the balance I see here between these 2 quotes, yes, pay attention to your child when he needs interaction (something I still struggle with)....but also, be the adult, make decisions from a higher reasoning plane of maturity regarding what needs to happen/be done/what do people need, and STRUCTURE your day into regular rhythms.......
Maybe what I'm saying here sounds silly.....but I guess I just needed to type this out to solidfy things in my mind.
Has anyone else found more helpful quotes from Rahima's book or other books about having a rhythm to your home life? I still haven't read the whole chapter, I've barely scratched the surface of her section on routines etc......
I guess I'm trying to say that this chapter of this book feels like it could be so life changing if I really meditate on it, take notes, and try to incorporate some of this stuff into our lives here at home.
Peace.
Edited to say, oooops! I just realizeed that the sentence above where she says we must make decisions based on maturity not on the child's likes and dislikes, doesn't sound quite right, nor jive with what I know we believe here on Gentle Christian Mothers.....we DO believe in taking into account children's likes and dislikes,and CERTAINLY do NOT advocate running roughshod over that......and I did not mean to imply that that is what I think I should do.....I guess though, that when I first read that sentece, the memory of the day when my kids were super young and I took them to the library and home again, all the while, trying really hard to listen to their cues and their leading and be more intune to what they wanted, that that day, I just got myself into a pickle becuase it was *ALL* about listening to their cues, and *NOTHING* about making directive decisions for the good of all concerned . But that i'm sure is because I was SOOOOO NEW to this *whole idea* of paying more attention to your child/ren and I was ....I guess I needed to swing from one pendulum to another.......but it was all in the learning cycle. I guess when you haven't been listening to your child's cues and you realize that you want to and you try to start, that it CAN be a difficult thing to find balance.......anyway, that's all I'm trying to say is how I'm trying to learn the balance between listening to your child/ren's cues/leading, and still being the parent/in charge/making mature and good decisions for how your day goes......
I guess I'm realizing now that I still haven't got this thing figured out....that I STILL go between two extremes, that of listening and hearing and that of still saying no when nec...stilll setting boundaries. When they are 6 and 7 and you still haven't learned this fine line, it can be hard....because, esp. with my 7yo son, who can be QUITE cerebral and argumentative......it's really hard.......
sigh.....anyway......I pray that I can learn these balances, and that if anybody has any thing to say that could help me, they would comment. Thanks very much for listening, whoever read up to here. : )
from page 260---
"So much of discipline for young children involves self-discipline on the part of the adults: keeping regular fhythms in the home life, working on your own patience and emotional responses, being there when your child needs interaction. (For example, playing with your child first can free up an entire twenty minutes to read the paper, whereas telling her you'll do it in ten minutes can result in all kinds of emotional disasters)."
I might comment on that later. But there is another quote that was real helpful for me and I will explain why after I post the quote:
from page 252
"Parents have a natural authority with their children because the parents are adults, so children naturally look to them as knowing more about the world than they do....[adults] must make decisions based on a mature viewpoint, rather than on the child's own likes and dislikes. This is also true for the teacher, who must "hold" the class with the strength of his or her own being, or be overrun by a group of children who know that the teacher can't manage them."
My children are 6 and 7. I did not come to attachment parenting until I decided I needed some help bonding better with my children when they were about 1.5 and 3 or 2 and 3.5....something like that......
[Oh, by the way, I want to mention that I *do* realize Waldorf can be controversial because of the "off" spiritual stuff they teach. ...I'm not here advocating any of the weird stuff, just the stuff that seems to make sooooo much sense to me!]
So, anyway, one day, when I was trying to be especially "attached" with my children, i realized that there was something wrong with taking the idea of "paying attention to your child and following his cues".....that just doing whatever they wanted with no "adult maturity making the decisions about what we are going to do today" can be disastrous. I took the kids to the library and then brought them home and I just followed their lead and pretty soon I realized I was not tending to my own needs or the higher requirements of the children.... We all needed to be fed and so did I , and I was not listening to that higher need.....
So I really like the balance I see here between these 2 quotes, yes, pay attention to your child when he needs interaction (something I still struggle with)....but also, be the adult, make decisions from a higher reasoning plane of maturity regarding what needs to happen/be done/what do people need, and STRUCTURE your day into regular rhythms.......
Maybe what I'm saying here sounds silly.....but I guess I just needed to type this out to solidfy things in my mind.
Has anyone else found more helpful quotes from Rahima's book or other books about having a rhythm to your home life? I still haven't read the whole chapter, I've barely scratched the surface of her section on routines etc......
I guess I'm trying to say that this chapter of this book feels like it could be so life changing if I really meditate on it, take notes, and try to incorporate some of this stuff into our lives here at home.
Peace.
Edited to say, oooops! I just realizeed that the sentence above where she says we must make decisions based on maturity not on the child's likes and dislikes, doesn't sound quite right, nor jive with what I know we believe here on Gentle Christian Mothers.....we DO believe in taking into account children's likes and dislikes,and CERTAINLY do NOT advocate running roughshod over that......and I did not mean to imply that that is what I think I should do.....I guess though, that when I first read that sentece, the memory of the day when my kids were super young and I took them to the library and home again, all the while, trying really hard to listen to their cues and their leading and be more intune to what they wanted, that that day, I just got myself into a pickle becuase it was *ALL* about listening to their cues, and *NOTHING* about making directive decisions for the good of all concerned . But that i'm sure is because I was SOOOOO NEW to this *whole idea* of paying more attention to your child/ren and I was ....I guess I needed to swing from one pendulum to another.......but it was all in the learning cycle. I guess when you haven't been listening to your child's cues and you realize that you want to and you try to start, that it CAN be a difficult thing to find balance.......anyway, that's all I'm trying to say is how I'm trying to learn the balance between listening to your child/ren's cues/leading, and still being the parent/in charge/making mature and good decisions for how your day goes......
I guess I'm realizing now that I still haven't got this thing figured out....that I STILL go between two extremes, that of listening and hearing and that of still saying no when nec...stilll setting boundaries. When they are 6 and 7 and you still haven't learned this fine line, it can be hard....because, esp. with my 7yo son, who can be QUITE cerebral and argumentative......it's really hard.......
sigh.....anyway......I pray that I can learn these balances, and that if anybody has any thing to say that could help me, they would comment. Thanks very much for listening, whoever read up to here. : )