12 year old plays too rough with 7 year old

[brebg]

Hi everyone, I am having some issues with my 12 year old daughter, who has always been on the "intense" side, playing too rough with her younger brother, who has always been on the sensitive side. Most of the time, it's not intentional, she just is kind of more hyper and rough, and ends up hurting him. Not badly, no blood or black eyes or anything! I guess I am looking for new ideas about how to really get through to her, I feel like we have sat down and tried explaining it so many times and so many ways, and nothing seems to really stick. I also don't want to encourage my son to be too whiney about it all! I kind of feel like i have to constantly be supervising and regulating every minute of their play together, always reminding her, "You can have fun, but don't be too rough." And she's 12 for crying out loud, not 3!

[mariposa]

:welcome

J is just four, but maybe if I give this a bump some mamas with older children can offer some wisdom. :yes

:bump

[Amber]

Have you tried explaining to her how to play with your ds? "Don't be too rough" is a bit vague, maybe give her specifics of how to play. For example if they are having a pillow fight, demonstrate how hard to hit with the pillow, let her practice with you and give her safe zone to hit it.

It may be that you need to put a stop to all roughhousing play for a while. I would also work with your ds to help him verbalize to dd when she gets to rough and how he should enforce those boundaries.