excluding a sibling

[joysworld]

I have always had my children include each other in their play. If two are playing together, they may not exclude the other sibling. Now, if they are playing alone, they can exclude others all they want.

This has been fine, until recently. The girls (3 and 5) will play together and will leave out brother. Or the other older two (5 and 6) will play together and leave out the 3 year old. Well, today the older two were playing together, and were purposefully leaving out dd3. They even went as far as making signs that said 'no CH only L and A' and wanted to tape it on their door. And CH made a sign that 'said' no A and L, only CH and wanted to put it on her door.

I have big feelings about purposefully excluding others. When we are with our homeschool group, if some of the kids are excluding L because of his sn, I make sure to nip it in the bud. I also don't allow my kids to exclude other children when we are with our homeschool group.

I really didn't know how to handle them making signs of exclusion, so I just changed the subject to lunch. How can I handle this?

[Sparrow]

I don't know, but I am subbing. :hugheart

[Sonata]

Have you heard of "You Can't Say You Can't Play" by Vivian Gussey Paley? I haven't read it in years, but I recall it being from a very loving perspective, and she is talking about exactly the age of your kids (around kindergarten age). It's a classroom perspective, but when you're HS-ing, you've kind of got a little classroom right there.

[joysworld]

Thanks for the recommendation. I'll have to see if my library has it. It seems that having lunch was enough of a distraction. Now they are all playing ponies together.

[Aisling]

Sometimes, if my older two need a break from our toddler (and, um, I totally understand the need; sometimes *I* need a break from her. Little ones can be tricky to navigate!), I'll involve her in something else she loves to do by my side, so they can have time to play without meltdowns/constant negotiating/snatching from our 2.5 yo. :shrug3 I get it. Sometimes, they need to do "big" things, and it's hard to enjoy it with busy little hands and big feelings involved.

What I don't let them do is flaunt it it front of her, and dis-include her in a dramatic or obvious way. They may come to me and say, "Mom, we want to play Legos, and Fluffer is having a tough time. Can you help us out?" And we'll work out a time that I have free to involve dd3 in whatever I'm doing, so that they get the breathing room they need. :heart

When friends are over, dis-including is dead out, if they're just playing for a few hours. Guests are guests, and they came expecting to spend time with us, period. :)