breaking the "reactive parenting" cycle

[Myrtle]

So, I got into a bad cycle of reactive parenting during my last trimester and the recovery period post-partum. I'm trying to break that cycle now, but I've found myself bumfuzzled more than once lately.

I know about training ahead of time and teaching *before* the situation occurs, but my kids are giving me things I don't know how to prepare for b/c I'd never have thought of this stuff in the first place.

Like dd2 rubbing her morning snack on the woodwork. Why? Why would someone do that? We have the "food stays at the table rule," so I can take her back to that, but really? What is she doing rubbing her food on the woodwork?

And then there's ds1. What should I have done ahead of time to teach him *NOT* to come out of the bathroom at the Indian restaurant with his pants around his feet to ask for help getting his jacket off, so he could use the bathroom? He just opened the door, and there he was in all his glory yelling for me to get his jacket off. *sigh*

I know I can't prepare for every situation, but I feel like most of parenting is reactive right now. Is it the age? Am I just that out of it? What am I doing wrong here? These are just examples, but stuff like that happens on a daily basis, several several several times a day. I feel like I need to keep all children within arms reach at all times just to be sure no one is moving the furniture (yes, ds1 is 5 and moved the recliner to make a "door" behind the couch) or swinging from the curtains b/c they make a great vine (except when the rod bends and the whole shebang falls apart).

Please help!!!

[aleigh]

I am not an expert at all, but I know for us, a lot of teaching happens in the moment. We've taught DS that areas covered in clothes are private, so I know he wouldn't come out in a public place with his pants down. That's a moment when I would have taken him back in the bathroom & explained that his penis & bottom are private & need to stayed covered when we're out.

And with your DD & the food, I don't think the "why" really matters. She's 3, right? I would chalk it up to a 3 year old moment & move on & remind her that food stays on the table.

As far as the furniture moving goes- did moving it damage anything? It sounds like he was being creative & playing. Honestly, things being out of place & clutter & mess makes me feel crazy & overstimulated, but as long as my children help clean up & don't destroy & damage things, they're free to play. (I totally get the swinging on the curtains thing. That, obviously has to be stopped as soon as it starts...)

The sort of stuff you're describing is the stuff that most of my friends & myself face pretty often. You can't have a rule for everything. Kids do crazy things that adults would never think of doing. They're exploring their environment. I believe in having very general household rules- things like, "Respect others. Respect our home." That encompases many of the things you're talking about.