Please help me gently discipline my 4 yo!

[Blueberrybabies]

I remember with her older sister waiting for 4, hoping it would be better than 3. . . and it wasn't. But my youngest seems even worse. She rages and gets into screaming fits if something goes wrong. She's been drawing on walls. Going with her to a comfort corner seems to help some, but I can't always take her if busy with another kid.
I think blood sugar may be an issue, as it seems to be more of a problem at times I would expect she might be hungry. For example, today I was making her lunch and had a phone call to answer. She was saying something that I couldn't hear, then ran off screaming. Turned out she wanted me to be in the "restaurant" (kitchen) when she talked to me with her "talker". While I was still working on her sandwich, I heard ripping paper. She had ripped a library book. We went to the comfort corner after that, then she ate lunch and is doing better.

But what is an appropriate way for her to make amends? She does have a jar of pennies, but how much should she pay?

[klpmommy]

solve the problem before making amends. You know the trigger is biological & you can't discipline her out of that. Be proactive in feeding her (a schedule can help), if you aren't ready to feed her when she needs to eat, give her something quick right then--a piece of fruit for example.

:nak

[Blueberrybabies]

Yeah, I need to work harder on getting her to eat a good breakfast, and having something quick on hand. She probably has sugar balance issues like I do. I can totally understand how it feels when my blood sugar is plummeting.

I guess I could use some scripts and tips for what to do when she's raging while the food catches up with her.

[bolt.]

I agree with more pro-active structures like eating on a schedule, and also planning for good, loving time-together daily events. Phone calls suck. I encourage you to just ignore calls that come at a bad time, and return the call at a better time.

None the less, the book did get torn, and I think it's a good demonstration to have her contribute some cash towards the cost of her actions. Depending on her concept of money, I would like to see her feel like she has given quite a bit out of her penny jar. Perhaps she could also color an 'I'm sorry' card for the librarian (in simplistic terms, the book is another person's belonging, and the "person" it belongs to can be represented by the librarian).

I also suggest that pro-active parenting struggles against destructiveness by blending the two concepts of (a) supervising children, and (b) making sure they can't get at stuff that can be damaged, or that can cause damage.

Of course we can't supervise all the time, and of course we can't put everything in the whole world out of their reach. However, I suggest for now that you keep paper-page books (or maybe just library books) on a high shelf to be read together, and perhaps keep the writing/coloring materials in the kitchen (since most of the time a child is less supervised in other rooms because mom is in the kitchen).

Maybe you could stick to board books from the library for now.

During your time to read, draw, colour and write together -- just watch her skills and self-management develop around these materials. When she seems to use them calmly and well, you can consider lowering the limitations on them.