they hit each other constantly

[greenishmama]

my 6 yr old and 3 yr old are now in state of hitting each other. all day long. yes, there are times when they play nicely and are nice to each other. but scattered throughout each and every day they are hitting each other.

"hit you sit" doesn't work. so the hitter sits on the floor (or he was already sitting) he continues to play with legos or whatever toy is around. they don't care. the hittee is either upset, or not upset actually. or they call from the other room "___ hit me" but it goes on constantly.

consequences?? (advice here seems to stay away from them, but now we are in a state of constant hitting as no consequences has not worked either)

stay with them every second of the day- impossible. It is for me. and they do it even if I'm touching one of them anyway.

[Psyche]

Separate them?

[olive]

What is it mostly about- both wanting the same toy? Younger pestering olders game setup? Too much energy?

[MomtoJGJ]

My kids are in the same stage so :popcorn

separating them doesn't really work because they get so bored without each other that when they get together again it's even worse than before.

For me it's mainly my almost 7yo... if she isn't around everyone else does ok. The 2.5yo has what I would consider age appropriate amounts of frustration hitting (mostly taught by the 6yo) that I think she would stop using if she didn't see the 6yo doing it.

The 7yo has a very very fiery temper.... she's very much like me, except I didn't have siblings at home when I was home, so didn't have anyone to hit. So I really don't know how to teach her not to. And she's perfectly fine with being by herself, so separating her doesn't help either. She gets more frustrated with them if she's been by herself for any length.

I just know I'm very very tired of saying "Do NOT hit your sister" and I"m also tired of hearing "___ hit me!"

[SortaCrunchy]

My girls are the same ages so I'm :popcorn too.

The hitting for them definitely is definitely a sharing issue. I've been taking away whatever item it is they are fighting over, but that doesn't seem fair to the one who was just playing with something (but not wanting to share). I don't know. :shrug3 Definitely open to more suggestions on this.

[greenishmama]

What is it mostly about- both wanting the same toy? Younger pestering olders game setup? Too much energy?

anything! they hit for any reason! 3 yr old walks up to 6 yr old at the table and looks at his stuff or attempts to take something- hit. 3 yr old walks past 6 yr old- hit/poke/grab. 3 yr old mad at 6 yr old (sometimes mad for a logical reason- other times totally irrational) so he'll hit 6 yr old.

3 yr old temper increasing. he wants to smash/break things when he's mad. We can't ever allow him to be mad about something and walk away. something will get broken or ruined or attempted to do so.

I say over and over to use your words. have told 6 yr old to put his hands behind his back to stop himself. come get me if needed. it does not help.

now yesterday, some might say I bribed them. I don't totally feel that I did, but I told them we were going to the kids consignment shop. IF that went well (behaviorwise) we would go to the pond at the hospital to feed the ducks, IF all of that went well we'd stop at the apple store to buy apples on the way home. well- it worked. 6 yr old could have been horrible at the consignment shop, instead he controlled himself. He also found something he wanted to buy with his money so that may have helped too- knowing I probably would have walked out of the store and not allowed him to buy it if there were behavior problems. BUT, he was able to control himself. sometimes I wonder if he can't, but... he can!

they also don't hit other children. so???

but the 6 yr old is starting to hit harder....

[greenishmama]

so- I'm the op... here's an example of what just happened. 6 yr old playing with a baby toy he hadn't seen in a while. 3 yr old and I come in the room. 3 yr old turns the toy off while 6 yr old is using it. I'm right there at arms reach of both of them. we're all sitting on the floor. at the very moment I'm starting to speak words to deal with the offender (3 yr old) 6 yr old turns around and hits him.

it's impossible to teach the right way to deal with a problem when the other one is doing something worse at the same time!

now- most of you won't agree with me, but for my own sanity (and prevention of me exploding) I told 6 yr old to go up to his room (he knew exactly why) he left with a bad attitude (kicking at things, etc.) then I was able to talk to 3 yr old about what he did was wrong. after a while 6 yr old comes down and said he was ready to talk. I talked to him about how I can't teach little brother the right things to do if he is doing something wrong at the same time. now 5 minutes later- as I sat here to start typing- they started to chase each other or something- didn't sound 100% joyful on both parts. 3 yr old got knocked down accidentally (?) 6 yr old started to apologize- I think after I told him he was going to need to go back to his room if he couldn't find something appropriate to do down here (I know this sounds awful... it really wasn't that awful though). He said he didn't need to go up there and now he has engaged 3 yr old in doing a puzzle together in the other room as I sit here and he's in "good big brother/helper mode". so.... to me, the sending to his room seemed to help in the end. It all was pretty calm. No shouting from either of us.

[Myrtle]

There are other mommas on here who are so good at this, so hopefully one of them will chime in with a better explanation than I'm about to give. But have you thought about teaching them other ways to deal with things at a neutral time? Pick a time when no one is upset with anyone, and try some role playing/scripting kinds of activities. Give the 6 yo phrases to use when frustrated or give physical expressions that are acceptable. Maybe stomping his feet or hitting a pillow or growling like a bear or whatever. Name it. If you go with stomping his feet, call it something so you have a code word to remind him.

It's important that they stop hitting each other, but you can't get rid of one habit without replacing it with another habit. Telling them to stop doing something without providing an alternative won't work. The most it might do is teach them to stuff things rather than working them out, and that's not good for their relationship.

When you're not frustrated with them, think of what you'd like them to do in the situation. Then try to teach them that apart from the situation. Make a game of it. Make it silly if you need to, but give them tools to work with.

It's awesome that you're catching this early and working to build a stronger relationship btn them while they're young.

[greenishmama]

There are other mommas on here who are so good at this, so hopefully one of them will chime in with a better explanation than I'm about to give. But have you thought about teaching them other ways to deal with things at a neutral time? Pick a time when no one is upset with anyone, and try some role playing/scripting kinds of activities. Give the 6 yo phrases to use when frustrated or give physical expressions that are acceptable. Maybe stomping his feet or hitting a pillow or growling like a bear or whatever. Name it. If you go with stomping his feet, call it something so you have a code word to remind him.

It's important that they stop hitting each other, but you can't get rid of one habit without replacing it with another habit. Telling them to stop doing something without providing an alternative won't work. The most it might do is teach them to stuff things rather than working them out, and that's not good for their relationship.

When you're not frustrated with them, think of what you'd like them to do in the situation. Then try to teach them that apart from the situation. Make a game of it. Make it silly if you need to, but give them tools to work with.

It's awesome that you're catching this early and working to build a stronger relationship btn them while they're young.

I've read about that plenty of places- having them hit a pillow, stomp, etc. and it totally makes sense that they need to replace one habit with another. But even though it might work to have him stomp (but that would mean sort of kicking if he's lying down or sitting) it's not something I want him doing outside our home. growling might work.
other ideas of alternatives he could do that are a bit more acceptable to do outside of the home but also that don't just reinforce being so physical with the body. He really needs to learn to NOT use his body. yes, it's much better to hit a pillow than his brother, but I want to get him away from the need to hit/hurt/be so physical. growling might work like I said- I'd love to hear other ideas.