need some help:)

[joysworld]

I just started working from home in the evening. Dh has been very on board gentle discipline, and he has no problem when I'm around to model it for him. But, now I'm not around, and I've heard him threaten a spanking. :-/ When I hear that, I immediately go out there, and he apologizes. The issue is, he does not have a lot of tools in his tool box, so spanking is his fall back when he gets flustered. He doesn't want to spank, but defaults to it. He is not a reader, so I can't just give him something to read. We've been nonspankers for nearly two years, but I guess he hasn't internalized it? I know he's never really had to gbd on his own, I'm always around, so he hasn't practiced it on his own. How can I help him gbd when I'm not around? He wants to gbd, but just isn't able to put it into practice on his own. How do we work on this?

[socaintexas]

I hear my husband saying/doing things sometimes that I know that he does not mean. We do not spank but he sometimes threatens that he will if they do not do ...xyz. Also, an example from tonight, he told dd that he would not give her milk if she would not get still for her diaper change and pajamas (she was pretty keyed up). That was not an option for her not to get a diaper change/pajamas, so the milk being withheld was also not an option. I pointed that out to him and encouraged him not to make "idle threats". He sometimes really seems to not recognize the potential impact of his words, and he is doing what was done to him by his parents. However, if I point it out in a non-judgmental, non-offensive way, he is very open to the feedback and genuinely seems to appreciate it. I try to make a point of discussing with him the goals that I would like to see in parenting when they are not in the picture (e.g. after they have gone to bed) and when it has not been a difficult day. He is also not a reader, but seems very opened to suggestions/discussion.

Hope this helps!

[ArmsOfLove]

many women find that it helps to tape up reminders, quotes, and even tools that work around the house in the rooms that they most often have run ins with the children in. Maybe you can do something similar for him :heart

[Sonata]

I find having some scripts to use helps me -- and especially DH, who as you say, doesn't have as many tools in his box.

For instance: "would you like to do it yourself or shall I help you?"
"Are you going to do it X way or Y way?"

Hmmm.... I'm feeling blank. Maybe if you gave some examples I could come up with more. Or give him some scripts that you use. Maybe even write them down on index cards so he can have a reminder. Or just talk through some common scenarios and share ideas of how you each would handle it, so he can get some more ideas.