How to deal with "NO"?

[DavidKelleyMay18]

My 10 yr. dd I notice will say no when she doesn't like my answer. Yesterday I told her to give her sister the book that her sister had and she said "Noooo" just like that. Then I asked her to bring a few things in the basement for me and I got the same "Noooo". I usually say you're not allowed to tell me no. You are welcome to give me your opinion, but if I tell you this needs to be done, and it's not an option then this is what needs to happen. Am I handling it wrong as I have other children doing the same?

Kelley

[Sparrow]

Could it be the way you're asking? Sometimes I've asked in a way that seemed like no was an option "Bear, could you please go downstairs to bring up the laundry basket?"

I find it helps to have ground rules too - like if she doesn't return the book when asked you make it happen and she loses the priviledge of using other people's things.

[Kiara.I]

Well, that "Noooooo" response is something *I* would say. ;)

For me, it translates to "But I don't really want to, and I'm not happy about the situation."

If it's something that bothers you to hear, you could try scripting her to a different way of expressing the same emotions. Does she comply with what you've said to do, but just complains? Or does she not comply?

[MarynMunchkins]

I don't tell my kids they're "not allowed" to say no because I don't want them thinking they can't tell an adult no. I do give them a dirty look and say "Try again", which usually accomplishes my goal. ;)

[Sparrow]

Lucky you. I have to say Try Again a bazillion times. I think I should have it tattooed on me or something.

[DavidKelleyMay18]

Could it be the way you're asking? Sometimes I've asked in a way that seemed like no was an option "Bear, could you please go downstairs to bring up the laundry basket?" Sometimes I agree with this. Other times she's just complaining like today when I said Marissa you need to give the book back to Carissa. And then I had to say you heard me when she was saying "Nooooo".

If it's something that bothers you to hear, you could try scripting her to a different way of expressing the same emotions. Does she comply with what you've said to do, but just complains? Or does she not comply? She does comply only because I've said Marissa I already told you to blah blah blah. I don't want to with still going on about it. The complaining is still there, and I have younger ones that I don't want to watch and do the same thing too.

I don't tell my kids they're "not allowed" to say no because I don't want them thinking they can't tell an adult no. I do give them a dirty look and say "Try again", which usually accomplishes my goal. ;) I hear ya. I'm just unsure what else to say.

Lucky you. I have to say Try Again a bazillion times. I think I should have it tattooed on me or something. So it sounds like keep scripting to rephrase that again.

Thanks, Kelley

[MarynMunchkins]

It only works on the older 3. ;)

[DavidKelleyMay18]

Okay I need more advice on this subject. My 10 yr. seems to be doing better. Hopefully I don't regret the statement. My 7 yr. old and my 5 yr. old seem to have a hard time and they are saying no to me. Here are a few examples. My 12 yr. old was pushing the shopping cart in LL Bean with my son in it. The younger kids wanted to push him too. I said the 3 of them would take turns. So when it was 5 yr. old turn I told her to tell 12 yr. old that "Mommy, said it's her turn. Instead she went over crying "I want to push". When it was 7 yr. old turn 5 yr. old went into melt-down "nooooo and wailing on the ground. She didn't want to give me her attention. Instead she was half smiling when I did get her attention. She didn't want to look at me. She tried to take off. Finally, I said Mommy is getting upset and it's time to listen to me. So I said that she got her turn, and I told her if you are not able to give turns to pushing Isaiah the next time we go to a store that you can push you won't get to have a turn. I hope I handled that correctly.

Then we go to my moms house. My mom was keeping my 12 yr. old for a bit. Both my 7 yr. old and 5 yr. start to wail "noooo". I was getting soo frustrated, and having a hard time remaining calm. Neither of them were listening to me as I was trying to explain to them that it was Kyle's turn to stay with YiaYia, so I said okay time to get in the van now. They wanted to give kisses, and hugs so I let them do this before leaving. When in the car I explained to them that it's not okay to tell me no when I tell them that they aren't able to do something like to stay at YiaYia's house. I told them that if they wanted to talk about something that would be okay, but if I already gave my answer then it's not okay. Should I be dealing with "No" differently with my 7 yr. old and 5 yr. old differently than rephrasing like I would with my 10 yr. old. Anything I handled wrong?? Please give me feedback!!

Thanks, Kelley

---------- Post added at 10:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:17 PM ----------

Oh and every time my 5 yr. old and 7 yr. old don't like it they have a melt-down. With my 5 yr. old she will scream the "nooo" and with my 7 yr. old he'll drop to the ground crying .

Thanks Again!
Kelley

[DavidKelleyMay18]

Anyone???

[Sparrow]

Okay I need more advice on this subject. My 10 yr. seems to be doing better. Hopefully I don't regret the statement. My 7 yr. old and my 5 yr. old seem to have a hard time and they are saying no to me. Here are a few examples. My 12 yr. old was pushing the shopping cart in LL Bean with my son in it. The younger kids wanted to push him too. I said the 3 of them would take turns. So when it was 5 yr. old turn I told her to tell 12 yr. old that "Mommy, said it's her turn. Instead she went over crying "I want to push". When it was 7 yr. old turn 5 yr. old went into melt-down "nooooo and wailing on the ground. She didn't want to give me her attention. Instead she was half smiling when I did get her attention. She didn't want to look at me. She tried to take off. Finally, I said Mommy is getting upset and it's time to listen to me. So I said that she got her turn, and I told her if you are not able to give turns to pushing Isaiah the next time we go to a store that you can push you won't get to have a turn. I hope I handled that correctly.

Then we go to my moms house. My mom was keeping my 12 yr. old for a bit. Both my 7 yr. old and 5 yr. start to wail "noooo". I was getting soo frustrated, and having a hard time remaining calm. Neither of them were listening to me as I was trying to explain to them that it was Kyle's turn to stay with YiaYia, so I said okay time to get in the van now. They wanted to give kisses, and hugs so I let them do this before leaving. When in the car I explained to them that it's not okay to tell me no when I tell them that they aren't able to do something like to stay at YiaYia's house. I told them that if they wanted to talk about something that would be okay, but if I already gave my answer then it's not okay. Should I be dealing with "No" differently with my 7 yr. old and 5 yr. old differently than rephrasing like I would with my 10 yr. old. Anything I handled wrong?? Please give me feedback!!

Thanks, Kelley

---------- Post added at 10:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:17 PM ----------

Oh and every time my 5 yr. old and 7 yr. old don't like it they have a melt-down. With my 5 yr. old she will scream the "nooo" and with my 7 yr. old he'll drop to the ground crying .

Thanks Again!
Kelley


It sounds like they are having a hard time with being disappointed.

Dealing with Disappointment by Elizabeth Crary is good.