If you could recommend ONE GD book, what would it be?

[StoryOfGrace]

If this is in the wrong place, please move it...I wasn't sure if this would be the right place, or in Readers Alcove :shrug3

I haven't had a sit-down with DH on the subject of GD. I have told him that I don't plan to spank because of some of my childhood experiences. He seems fine with that, but I know in the back of his head he still plans to spank. He was raised not only in a punitive home (his mom closely followed Dobson's approach...even though she noted in his baby book that it didn't work :doh) but also in school (DH held the record in his elementary school for most "woopin's"). I think he's open minded about the whole thing, and I know he'll see reason about it all. I mean, spankings didn't work on him at all (he was a "difficult" child), and he can't deny that. He's not the sort that would sit and read a forum such as this (not that I would ever sit him down in front of GCM), but he will read books when he has time. I've been thinking of getting him one on the subject of GD (I'd get it for both of us, but mostly for him), but I don't know what I should get. Which one would you all suggest?

[MarynMunchkins]

Do you want a book against spanking or with other positive discipline techniques?

I've gotten the most benefit from Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey. :)

[Domina]

I had my husband read Positive Discipline. It's not specifically Christian, but it's the most scientific and tool-oriented book I've found, so I knew he'd respect it more.

[StoryOfGrace]

I'm more interested in giving him options other than spanking. I think he'll figure out on his own that it's not necessary!

Ex: The other day our son was repeatedly standing on the couch even though he "knows better." We kept taking him down and saying "no stand" or sitting him down and giving him something to do. DH got sick of doing this and swatted DS on the tush :sick (DS didn't even notice). I casually said, "You know, at this age they don't even have impulse control. So spanking him won't be any more productive than just redirecting him." I haven't seen him spank him, or even talk about spanking him, since. I didn't want to shame DH, or start a fight. Logic and facts really work with him...not talk about feelings and emotions.

I just think he doesn't know there are other options, you know? And yes, a technical/non-religious book would probably be the best bet! :yes
Thank you ladies, keep the ideas coming!

[doubleblessings]

The best intro for my DH was actually this CD (http://shop.kidsareworthit.com/Winning-at-Parenting-without-beating-your-kids-CD-WAP-CD.htm). It is a lecture by Barbara Coloroso. I liked that it shows the end game (where we are going and why) not just right now in the young stage. She also has a book that I like - Kids are Worth It.

The Becky Bailey one Mary mentioned I also really like.

[simplegirl]

I'm more interested in giving him options other than spanking. I think he'll figure out on his own that it's not necessary!

Ex: The other day our son was repeatedly standing on the couch even though he "knows better." We kept taking him down and saying "no stand" or sitting him down and giving him something to do. DH got sick of doing this and swatted DS on the tush :sick (DS didn't even notice). I casually said, "You know, at this age they don't even have impulse control. So spanking him won't be any more productive than just redirecting him." I haven't seen him spank him, or even talk about spanking him, since. I didn't want to shame DH, or start a fight. Logic and facts really work with him...not talk about feelings and emotions.

I just think he doesn't know there are other options, you know? And yes, a technical/non-religious book would probably be the best bet! :yes
Thank you ladies, keep the ideas coming!

Sounds like your DH learning what IS age appropriate is really important at this point in time. As you know, a 1yo is not capable of "knowing better" :hug. Positive Discipline is really really good. The Sears Discipline book (I believe) outlines age appropriate behaviors, and Ames and Ilg Your One-Year-Old will do the same. I think it took until our oldest was 3 before my DH really "got" what age-appropriate meant and it is so important in understanding and disciplining children. :heart Oops, just noticed you said ONE book. :shifty

[Domina]

Oh, I missed that your DS is one...so is mine! Yeah, "knows better" depends on them understanding sentence structure, which they don't yet. Unless it's "Want a French fry?" :shifty

Your One Year Old is another fantastic book. It won't fill your DH's toolbox with non-spanking options, but it will help him understand the difference between exploration and misbehavior.

[Mommainrwanda]

Yeah, I can't point to just ONE book, but dh often refers to Your One-Year Old when he is getting frustrated with the Urchin. It really helped him to understand her age-appropriate behaviors. He loves the diagram of the number of activities a 15 month-old with engage in during a 7 minute period verses the activity of a 3 year old in the same environment. :yes

[gentlemommy]

I've gotten the most benefit from Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey. :)

:yes Me too.

[jandjmommy]

Another vote for Positive Discipline! Once I read it I noticed that every point I loved about other parenting books was all in one place in PD!

[thrillofhope]

I'm loving the suggestions!

I really like Playful Parenting. It does give you a lot of tools for your box. :giggle

[StoryOfGrace]

This is great, thanks y'all!

I think I'll be getting more than one book, just to have around in hopes that he'll pick one up. :yes

I actually just stared reading Playful Parenting last night, and I am really loving all the suggestions/examples that are randomly inserted in the psychological text. :rockon PP was the first book I ordered after joining GCM :gcm

[kimberly569]

I really learned a lot from Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline.

[nursetomommy]

I liked Dr. Sears Discipline book, I havent had a chance to read any others except Positive Discipline.

Dr. Sears book can be quite lengthy and I know my hubby prefers straight to the point type of books.

[BarefootBetsy]

Adventures in Gentle Discipline by Hilary Flower was a great one for me as far as filling my toolbox. It's not Christian-based, but it works well either to read straight through or as a reference book :yes

[PaperMomma]

Great list. I've got a couple of these on request at my library. :yes

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

I have Playful Parenting but it made me feel that the ideas are a bit too creative and I don't feel so playful and inventive all the time.

Voting Positive Discipline then. It's practical. It's great all-purpose book.

I admit I haven't read many others though - so thank you for this thread :)) :popcorn

[Marzipan]

I second (or third) the Ames and Ilg books (Your One Year Old, Your Two Year Old...). For overall paradigm shifting, I <3 Families where Grace is in Place.

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

I have heard Cynthia Tobias being praised amongst homeschooling forums this book:

http://www.amazon.com/You-Cant-Make-Persuaded-Strong-Willed/dp/1578561930

It's supposed to be both gentle and Christian, I think. Hoping someone here will chip in about this...

[GentleMomof4]

:popcorn Don't know if I could actually get dh to read a book :giggle but he'll sit down with me and *read* one together (in other words, I do the reading. :giggle) He's having a lot of issues lately with wanting first time obedience. :sigh

[jmom1984]

:cup

[gpsings]

This was a struggle for my dh too. He won't read, even still, and he is still very punitive minded. A year or so ago, I explained to him that I would.not stand by quietly and allow him to hit my children ever again. I am pretty quick to step in when I see him taking their behavior out of context, but his biggest breakthrough was actually just a couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling frustrated and stopped to actually communicate the exact frustration with him. It wasn't that the kids were 'bad', it was that I couldn't figure out how to approach certain behaviors and it made me frustrated with myself.
I had been reading Positive Discipline and was able to break down the footnotes for him and it was like a light went on. He was actually able to come up with gentle solutions for these issues along side of me, rather than getting angry and punishing.
I know this isn't exactly what you were looking for, but I thought I would just share my experience with a husband who resists GBD. There is hope. ;)

[StoryOfGrace]

This was a struggle for my dh too. He won't read, even still, and he is still very punitive minded. A year or so ago, I explained to him that I would.not stand by quietly and allow him to hit my children ever again. I am pretty quick to step in when I see him taking their behavior out of context, but his biggest breakthrough was actually just a couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling frustrated and stopped to actually communicate the exact frustration with him. It wasn't that the kids were 'bad', it was that I couldn't figure out how to approach certain behaviors and it made me frustrated with myself.
I had been reading Positive Discipline and was able to break down the footnotes for him and it was like a light went on. He was actually able to come up with gentle solutions for these issues along side of me, rather than getting angry and punishing.
I know this isn't exactly what you were looking for, but I thought I would just share my experience with a husband who resists GBD. There is hope. ;)

Perhaps that wasn't a book recommendation, like I was looking for, but I am always interested in hearing that there is hope, and seeing how others in similar situations are dealing with them. :heart:heart:heart Thank you for sharing that!

[dulce de leche]

I love Connection Parenting by Pam Leo. It distills a lot of good info from several different books. :tu The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderlund is fantastic for those who like research-based approaches (although it deals with breastfeeding, sleep issues, etc, as well as discipline).

[kiloyd]

I really learned a lot from Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline.
:yes

If I could only have one, this would be it!