consistent limits for 1 yr

[WildFlower]

without confusing her..? My question is in regards to our stairs. We have a gate going down to the basement but the stairs going to the upstairs can't be blocked off completely. We could put a gate at the top of 5 stairs but by then she's already gone up 5 and could fall down so we haven't put a gate. For the longest time she ignored the stairs but she's discovere the joy of going up the stairs on her own.
My husband and I don't mind her going up when we are with her, as she hasn't learned how to get back down safely. Most of the timme we don't want to go up. SO, we keep just removing her from the stairs or the bottom of them. I am trying to be consistent and say "Stop Sweetpea" and she'll turn and look. Most of the time she continues on and begins to put her leg up to climb, at which point we run over and get her and try to distract or engage her in another activity. Lately she is starting to stop when we say to and I get down on her level and say "Come here! in a cheerful voice".

BUT I am wondering if allowing her to go up with us might confuse her. How is she supposed to figure out that she isn't allowed to go up sometimes but is allowed to climb up other times, when we are with her or say it's ok? Should we just not allow her to go up at all ever? Then how will she learn how to come down safely ? Our house is large and I really don't want her just going up and down all the time even when she can do it safely as the only things upstairs is the office, storage room and the masterbedroom, mostly things she doesn't need to be into without supervision.
Any thoughts?

[GraceFirst]

I, too, have been thinking a lot lately about this for my 1 year old. I was punitive when my other two children were this age, so I am not sure where to begin with this one. I'd love to hear some input and insight here, too.

So far the only tool I've use is redirection, redirection, and more redirection. But sometimes he gets to things before I do. Case in point: at a friend's house the other weekend he pulled their LCD TV down on himself and shattered it because he got over there before I did. And this was after redirecting him away from it about a hundred times already.:blush

[bolt.]

I think you should put up a visual 'barrier' -- like a ribbon or a tape-line. When you are bringing her up with you, take down the barrier in an obvious way.

Also use vocabulary to define things with extreme consistancy, even if she doesn't speak -- "These are stairs." -- "This is the blue ribbon." -- "Not for sweetpea." -- "Come away."

When she attempts to climb, place her hand gently on the barrier, saying, "See ribbon? Not for sweetpea. Come away. Let's do something."

[MiriamRose]

I would also make it a point to teach her to get down safely. DS was about a year old when I taught him to get off of beds and couches backwards (on his tummy, feet first) and then taught him to do the same thing on stairs. I also close doors upstairs (downstairs too for that matter) to rooms I don't want him in and he looses interest because there is nothing fun to do up there, just the empty hallway.

Another idea is to use gates to keep her in whatever room you are in downstairs. We have adjustable pressure-mounted gates and I can block him into the living room (which is a large area) or the dining room or kitchen (or both) depending on where I am hanging out/working. I can also keep him in a separate area from where I am, but he can see me, say if I am working in the kitchen and don't want him all up in my business. That way keeping him away from the stairs wouldn't even be an issue.

[BHope]

I like the ribbon idea, however I also acknowledge that by the time the visual barrier actually really clicks with her 12 month old brain, she'll likely be old enough to know how to navigate up and down the stairs easily.

All of my babies, by the time they were crawling, were figuring out stairs. We used a combination of barrier, redirection, and stair climbing skills to get through that early stage. I would suggest placing a gate at the bottom of the stairs where you are able and using redirection for the last five unbarrierable stairs. Meanwhile work diligently on safe stair skills, show her how to come down the stairs safely and I imagine it won't be but a couple weeks and she'll have enough skill that those five stairs she has access to won't be nearly as dangerous for her.

[milkmommy]

I'd teach her how to go up and down safely.

[WildFlower]

last night I let her go up the stairs with me right there and then she watched as she proceded to back down properly all the stairs!:jawdrop Last I knew she couldn't do it. I tried showing her before but she didn't quite get the concept and we haven't really let her do it or encouraged her much. I asked DH and he said he showed her once but didn't think she got it either. Evidently she is one smart little girl! maybe I don't need to worry about the safety of it as much as I thought... I would still like to keep her from just going up any time she pleases. I thought maybe if I just go up and down with her alot she'll get bored of it, and the newness will wear off?

[milkmommy]

her mastering it and seeing they are "just stairs" will deffiently reduce the thrill. We used to put some bells on a rting at the bottom of the stainrs just kinda taped onto the wall it not only helped distract Cecilia at that age but it gave us a warning that she was on the stairs.. Since the issue was more us not knowing than her trying KWIM?

[katiekind]

Case in point: at a friend's house the other weekend he pulled their LCD TV down on himself and shattered it because he got over there before I did. And this was after redirecting him away from it about a hundred times alreadyYikes! How awful and scary that must have been for you and your child--and how embarrassing and awkward! I hope your child was ok. You must have felt terrible about that.

There ARE ages and levels of persistency and environments where you'll absolutely have to keep your toddler within arms reach -- if the object of desire is SOOOOO tempting and redirecting and distraction are not enough to "change the subject."

In that situation, where you're really having to keep your toddler closely corralled because the environment is too tempting for the 1-year-old to cope with--you're sanest, most merciful bet is probably just going be to cut the visit short--or say, "perhaps we could sit outside" (or whatever.)

In a short while the stage will have passed, and next time you visit in that home the object that fascinated on an earlier visit probably will have lost its allure.

One thing I used to do was keep a bag of special toys that only came out during high pressure visits in non-child-proofed environments.

Another thing you can do (probably works better at home than when you're visiting) is to give them a safe way to satisfy their curiosity about the object. Help them hold it, or guide their hands in touching it gently, talking about how we must be careful with it, use our "gentle touch" with it, etc. And then, put it up.

This helps remove the mystique of the object as well as teaching the child that some things must be handled very carefully.

[DoulaClara]

ITA with using proximity and redirecting, and also with teaching them! It sounds like she knows how to go back down now- awesome! :rockon I tried and tried to redirect a 6 mos old Pugs from the stairs before it dawned on me that I was just making it more enticing, so I practiced every day with him on going down feet-first (on my bed, too) and it worked! And he wasn't terribly interested anymore after that.

[WildFlower]

so do you think now that she can go up and down safely the fun would wear off if I just let her? I think she'll get confused if I am telling her not to do it all the time, then encourage her at other times (like when I want to go upstairs and she wants to go up with me) She may already be confused though..Dh said SWEETPEA!!! yesterday as she started for the stairs and she sat down and cried... :blush:( then later on I went up the stairs with her and she had a grand time going up and coming down with me, but then wouldn't stop when I told her to later on...

[milkmommy]

I do think it will be best if your consistant.. Eaither letting the novility wear off (eaither by her getting bored or you realizing she can do it fine :giggle) or constastantly making it a no cross boundry. Saying only with mama or daddy is an acceptable boundry as well. Whats the reason for not gating off the bottom?

[bolt.]

I think if you gate at the 5th step or-whatever, the short tumble wouldn't hurt her if she did fall -- so freedom at that point.

[DoulaClara]

I think if you gate at the 5th step or-whatever, the short tumble wouldn't hurt her if she did fall -- so freedom at that point.

Especially if they're carpeted. I do think that something like stairs, which is continuously changing (I didn't want 6 mos old Pugs going up before he knew how to go down; but he still knew how) means that proximity and a re-directing phrase simultaneously used with an action (swooping in and bringing her down while saying something like, "Downstairs! We're downstairs now," or something) is a really good bet, because you can continuously morph it without changing the idea that sometimes you just want her to stay downstairs. TBH, and this is part personality, I had a devil of a time trying to convince Wednesday that it was okay to go upstairs without me (she's just now doing it at four), and I think it was because we were so fearful towards her being on the stairs as a small toddler. Part of this was come by honestly- she was a late crawler and late walker, and had very little coordination. But we learned (by about 16, 17 mos when she was walking comfortably) that we were a lot more relaxed when we finally did show her how to get down off of things and go down stairs the correct way, rather than being fearful about the whole thing.

Since you do want her to go up the stairs sometimes with you, I would avoid startling her about the stairs. Make it a learning situation, rather than an "obedience" situation, KWIM? I know it's kind of scary seeing kids push the envelope with the boundaries of what they can physically do, but if it's just five stairs (and I forget if they're carpeted) and you do want her to do it some of the time, I'd skip trying to figure out how to blockade it for now, and focus on lots of GOYB stuff in terms of "We're downstairs right now! Come over here and do _____." and then later, "Let's go upstairs!"

[breezy88]

My dd is 17 months and can do stairs BUT they still trip sometimes...or decide they want to carry a toy up or down with them or want to try going bum forwards or whatever. IMO until stairs are really mastered (standing on their own 2 feet and can hold on to rail) it's best to supervise. This is especially true when the bottom of the stairs is tile or hard wood etc.