I feel I keep doing it all wrong!!!

[DavidKelleyMay18]

Agh! Chores and kids doing what they are supposed to be doing. Everyone gets it but the 7 yr. old. This am he was eating breakfast. He stops to help me switch the laundry. Then he goes back to eating. I can't remember what other things he went to do, but he kept coming back to eat breakfast. We had to be at the chiropractor by 9:30am, so I put the timer on so they would know when we had to leave. Jacob kept talking about matching his little brother. It took forever to get that shirt. I told him to get dressed. I went to get my younger son ready, and Jacob was still laying on the ground. He really still wasn't ready when I went to brush my dd's and ds's teeth, so he put shoes and socks on in the car. I was soo upset. We come home. I told him that chores had to be taken care of. He hadn't brushed teeth yet. He asked for help, so I said you get your tooth brush and I will help you. I ended up doing my dd's hair first as he was taking a while. So I told him why don't you fold laundry and I'll brush your teeth when I'm done. He was taking his sweet time getting up those stairs, so yes I yelled and told him to just go to his room. Okay maybe I handled it all wrong. I just get so frustrated as I'm trying to help everyone. We have busy days, and days that we need to get through. I want to make everything better. I just don't know how to get there. Half of the time he is crawling and taking his time at things. I try to sometimes say let's see who gets done first. He doesn't want to play that. I just feel like I continue to do things wrong. I just want to do it right, and for the day to run smoother. I feel like we're never going to get there.

By the way he actually did just come down with clothes folded. What is going to make things go better? I hope our life won't always be like this.

Kelley

[Love_Is_Patient]

He sounds a lot like my ds (who will be 7 in February). Does he have a written or pictorial list of all the things he's responsible for? (Including basics like 'get dressed'). That might help, if you don't have it. Racing or making things into games rarely works for my ds, either. A list does, sort of--he does enjoy crossing things off the list, though he sometimes yells and complains about having one in the first place. But he's so distractable, and drags his feet about getting things done. Actually, sometimes it's most effective NOT to watch him do something, but to tell him 'I'll be back in 5 minutes and I expect you to be dressed'. (No punishment if he's not, but then I do stand there handing him clothes until they're actually on.)

:hug I don't think it's you, it sounds like something most parents have to deal with.

[DavidKelleyMay18]

He sounds a lot like my ds (who will be 7 in February). Does he have a written or pictorial list of all the things he's responsible for? (Including basics like 'get dressed'). That might help, if you don't have it. Racing or making things into games rarely works for my ds, either. A list does, sort of--he does enjoy crossing things off the list, though he sometimes yells and complains about having one in the first place. But he's so distractable, and drags his feet about getting things done. Actually, sometimes it's most effective NOT to watch him do something, but to tell him 'I'll be back in 5 minutes and I expect you to be dressed'. (No punishment if he's not, but then I do stand there handing him clothes until they're actually on.)

:hug I don't think it's you, it sounds like something most parents have to deal with.

I want to be calm, and to just be a loving and a calm mom. I feel like I'm handling it all wrong. It's one thing when we are home and have no place to go. Mondays and Tuesdays are our busy days that we need to get out of the house for different classes. I do not like or want for these days to start out wrong. It's frustrating for me when I say okay go and get dressed and I try to play with him like who can get done faster, and I don't know how to help him because he's totally not interested. I'll even bring him to his room and then he lays on the floor etc.. when we need to be out of the house soon, and I get frustrated. I feel like I give him a threat because I don't know what to say, and then I regret it afterwards. I just want to make things better. Like I said even walking with him to his room doesn't seem to help ,so what will help. Does anything help with your son. And yes, he has a picture chart. It does help him when he's not walking like a snail.

Kelley

[Love_Is_Patient]

I am often not the loving and kind mom I want to be, either :hug
One thing that I do, which I don't know if you're comfortable with, is to not expect chores, beyond basic self-care, to get done on a morning when we have to be out of the door. Since I have lower expectations on those mornings, it does help a bit. In general, I do try to stay calm (what's the worst that can happen? He'll have to get dressed in the car and brush his teeth with water. Thinking about it that way can help me a bit because I can see that it's not the end of the world if he doesn't get it done.) It helps if I find something else to do in the room or nearby while waiting for him--like, if I take him to his room to get dressed, and just stand there staring, he's more likely to resist than if I get busy putting something away or grab my own toothbrush and stand in the hallway brushing, etc. Fairly frequently, I end up giving him a limit to the time when I am willing to offer help/be present (he hates being alone. So, after a reasonable time I'll let him know 'I'm going downstairs soon. If you want company while you get dressed, you need to do it now' or 'If you want help, I'm available now for you to cooperate. Otherwise, you'll need to do this yourself').

None of those things are foolproof. Mostly, I think we just have to keep doing the best we can and trust that they will learn and mature as they get older.

[ArmsOfLove]

You just described a distractable, helpful, sweet 7yo :) I would get him a routine going in the morning--either with words or pictures depending on his ability.

[Peridot]

what about a little pocket timer? he can come tio you when he's done with his task, and you can reset it. say, "Ok! you have ten minutes to dress and make your bed... Ready?? and.... GO!"


Make it a game. He may not have a good sense of time as it passes. I don't! After a while, using the timer, and runnign out of time will help him put a physical sense to how long he is taking to do things. :yes

[DavidKelleyMay18]

I am often not the loving and kind mom I want to be, either :hug
One thing that I do, which I don't know if you're comfortable with, is to not expect chores, beyond basic self-care, to get done on a morning when we have to be out of the door. Since I have lower expectations on those mornings, it does help a bit. In general, I do try to stay calm (what's the worst that can happen? He'll have to get dressed in the car and brush his teeth with water. Thinking about it that way can help me a bit because I can see that it's not the end of the world if he doesn't get it done.) It helps if I find something else to do in the room or nearby while waiting for him--like, if I take him to his room to get dressed, and just stand there staring, he's more likely to resist than if I get busy putting something away or grab my own toothbrush and stand in the hallway brushing, etc. Fairly frequently, I end up giving him a limit to the time when I am willing to offer help/be present (he hates being alone. So, after a reasonable time I'll let him know 'I'm going downstairs soon. If you want company while you get dressed, you need to do it now' or 'If you want help, I'm available now for you to cooperate. Otherwise, you'll need to do this yourself').

None of those things are foolproof. Mostly, I think we just have to keep doing the best we can and trust that they will learn and mature as they get older.

If we're running out the door I'm okay with unfinished chores. He got up from breakfast, and must have gone back 4 times. I thought the pictures would help, and he does well with it when he's paying attention to it. This particular morning was just frustrating. Instead of repeating myself 50 times which I probably would have done I put the timer on for 1 1/2 hrs. to leave. Maybe that was too much to handle for him. I just don't know what else to do though. I tried to say I'm going to get Isaiah dressed, and I'll come back to check on you. He still wasn't dressed. I feel like he wants or maybe needs me to help every step of the way. I just don't know how to do that.

You just described a distractable, helpful, sweet 7yo :) I would get him a routine going in the morning--either with words or pictures depending on his ability.

Aww you are sweet!! We do have a picture chart that he does look at as long as he's paying attention to it.

what about a little pocket timer? he can come tio you when he's done with his task, and you can reset it. say, "Ok! you have ten minutes to dress and make your bed... Ready?? and.... GO!"


Make it a game. He may not have a good sense of time as it passes. I don't! After a while, using the timer, and runnign out of time will help him put a physical sense to how long he is taking to do things. :yes

I will try this in the morning. I'm surprised as he's so active, and I would think it would be enjoyable for him. I've told him before that I can put the timer on, and he tells me he doesn't play that game. He also says the same if I say let's see if you or Carissa can be done first. Although on Saturday after a few minutes. he agreed to do it with me getting dressed. It's so hard to figure him out sometimes. Tomorrow is another morning to get out as the older kids have Writing Class. I wish I knew what could or would help him. Maybe it's just trying to figure it out along the way.

Kelley

[staceylayne]

FWIW, an hour and a half is too much time for *me* when I've having time management issues. If the responsibilities could be completed in much less time (eating, cleaning, dressing) then I'll dilly dally doing other "important" things until the last ten minutes or so then be rushed and running late again.

Could you break it down and time certain tasks individually? Or just keep pointing him back to his picture chart when he gets sidetracked? Does he do better if you are with him (bring the little one in the same room to get dressed) or if you give him space? Can you do something like "when you've checked off all your jobs then you can watch a show/play on the computer/something else fun until it's time to leave"?

I'm just tossing out thoughts...mine are way younger so I have no experience at all. :hug2

[DavidKelleyMay18]

Could you break it down and time certain tasks individually? Or just keep pointing him back to his picture chart when he gets sidetracked? Does he do better if you are with him or if you give him space? Can you do something like "when you've checked off all your jobs then you can watch a show/play on the computer/something else fun until it's time to leave"?

Wow, is all that I can say. It seems the last few times I've posted about something that when I wake up I have this thought and when I come on GCM someone has suggested the same thing. I woke up feeling very calm, and ready to tackle the day. After hearing the suggestion of the timer, and I think someone suggested to see if he can beat the timer when it was time for breakfast I thought I'm going to see if he can beat the timer for breakfast. He seemed to enjoy that. Right now he's supposed to be making his bed, and getting dressed. After I brought him to his room to help pick out his clothes he said to me ahh I wanted you to count as he likes for me to count as he makes his bed, but you are doing devotions. So I told him that I would do devotions and then I'd come and count with him for his bed. So I think this is going to be a good thing for him. Usually I say let's see how long it will take you with the timer. He didn't enjoy that. But suggesting to beat the timer he seems to love for today!! If you have not noticed he absolutely loves to be with me every step of the way. I just never thought of it this way before today. Ohh my goodness well he just came down. I can't believe he is already done with getting dressed and making his bed. Well off for teeth!!

Thank-You soo much, Kelley

[Marsha]

When we have to beo ut the door to go to school, I find that too much time is worse! So we don't get up until about 30-40 minutes before leaving. The girls have to get dressed before eating, TV, anything. Brushing is more problematic as it requires someone to be finished eating, or at the very least a mad rush and a frantic mommy at the last minute.

My 6 yr old is very slow and distractible and it really makes me nuts sometimes.

But for ME, less time is better. Classic ADHD, I do better under pressure,a nd so does my oldest child. Too much time, and I end up doing other things or dallying.

---------- Post added at 12:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:55 PM ----------

And in a large family, which it sounds like you have, he may be getting some of his attention needs met by being "the trouble child". I am not saying that to say that you owe him more attention or whatever, its just a thing to be aware of.