Please Help - 2 yo biting

[nanookmama]

It's a common problem, I know. But I'm really having a very hard time with this.

My 2 year old is biting my 6 month old. Hard. Hard enough that her head shakes as she does it. I really fear that if she gets the baby's joint just right, she's going to dislocate the baby's finger. She always bites the hand.

I know all the basic 'no biting, biting hurts' and tending the hurt child, and walking the offending child through a speech on not hurting others, but honestly I'm not sure any of that is good enough for this.

Yes, I am morally opposed to corporal punishment. But I am also morally opposed to letting my 6 month old have her fingers bitten to bloody stumps.

I'm trying to be rational. I come from an abusive background and I know hitting forward and backward. I remember being confident that once I only had to wait until my parents' backs gave out or until I was big enough to hit back. I know that hitting my own daughter will only set up the same adversarial relationship.

But what do I do? My general strategy is to just separate my older daughter from whatever temptation she can't resist. But I can't do that. I can keep them apart most of the time, I can always be with them, supervising every minute, but that doesn't help. Even if I'm wearing the baby, Adelaide can get to her feet. She hasn't bitten Aliza's feet yet, but I can't keep Aliza's hands guarded completely either.

Tonight, I was right there. I wasn't 12 inches away. Adelaide was 'whooshing' a sheet over Aliza (playing on the floor), kissing her, then snuggling on the floor and pretending to sleep. She did a few rounds of this while we chatted and giggled, then instead of kissing, she put the baby's hand in her mouth and bit as hard as she could. I was standing right there, folding clothes and looked over when Adelaide didn't respond like she had been.

The other times she's bitten have been during play too.

I need a way to make this stop. Help?

[arwen_tiw]

:hugheart I react big time to that kind of hurting. I have grabbed my two year old's face and forced her jaw apart a few times, even shoved her away from the friend she keeps biting when she approached clearly annoyed with him...

Mostly we are not doing so much biting=hurting talk and a heck of a lot of "if you feel cross, STOMP" "if you feel lonely, HUG" "if you feel sad, come to mummy!" And affirming that they get sick to death of each other, but they still WILL NOT HURT.

I have done reverse blanket training ;) when we have had a friend's baby staying - baby gets a big blanket on the floor and other children are Not Permitted to Step on the Blanket.

I really feel for you. I'm a bit scared of what my bubbly unsupressable two year old biter will do to the new baby!

[MarynMunchkins]

Sensory play solved most of my biting issues. We did lots of pretzels dipped in peanut butter with raisins as snacks. Play-doh and shaving cream helped, although I have no idea why. :lol Water play was great.

I don't think they always realize how much force they are using or how much it can hurt. We've always played nibble on toes and ears, and I think Shrimp was trying to imitate that without understanding how to do it. :doh We stopped those games.

[nanookmama]

Sarah and Mary, those are really good ideas. I'll try to step up the sensory play, and I've actually set up a pack and play for when I can't be close enough to enforce a reverse blanket training situation.

I love the 'if you feel' statements. I really hope those will help.

Adelaide was still really rough today. Once the baby I babysit for (9 weeks) went home and Aliza went to sleep, Adelaide had a LOT of focused one on one time. She was still unhappy and defiant until I pretended my hand was a sock puppet (minus the sock). She was thrilled. THRILLED.

I'm really hoping those good feelings carry over to tonight. Aliza-berry is having trouble sleeping so I'm struggling in the evening. DH is home tonight too. Hopefully, we can avoid a crisis. :blush I hate that my own feelings or immaturity could bring about hurt to my kids.

I'd love to read thoughts from anyone else, too!

[MercyInDisguise]

Is she getting enough oral stimulation, through various textures and tastes of foods? Spicy, chewy foods, etc., and using a straw can help too.

There is a great sticky on biting in the GD info subforum.
Posted via Mobile Device

[nanookmama]

Is she getting enough oral stimulation, through various textures and tastes of foods? Spicy, chewy foods, etc., and using a straw can help too.

There is a great sticky on biting in the GD info subforum.
Posted via Mobile Device

I'll check out the sticky, thanks. She eats only PBJ and applesauce, with other breads and certain vegetables. Fruit leather. I've been trying to focus on getting different (and more) foods in her, but maybe different textures will be more successful. She uses straws all day. And sippies with lids, and cups without. I even let her have gum the other day (a concept she did not get, lol). Maybe I should make some fruit/veggie popsicles?

How else do I encourage oral diversity?

[duckwithoneleg]

Sensory play solved most of my biting issues. We did lots of pretzels dipped in peanut butter with raisins as snacks. Play-doh and shaving cream helped, although I have no idea why. :lol Water play was great.

I don't think they always realize how much force they are using or how much it can hurt. We've always played nibble on toes and ears, and I think Shrimp was trying to imitate that without understanding how to do it. :doh We stopped those games.

Piping in with my no-kids over here :shifty ... but this seems like the BEST idea, and I only say that because I remember one time when I was really little, I bit my brother.

I remember more than that, though. I remember wanting to BITE more than anything. I mean really really wanting to. I wasn't angry, I didn't want to hurt him, I only wanted to chomp down with my teeth as hard as I could.

(I remember as an older kid, reading a peanuts comic strip where snoopy was talking... well, thinking, about biting someone and going on and on about his teeth being all tingly :giggle)

I was totally shocked when my brother cried when I bit him. I remember explaining to my horrified mom that I didn't mean to HURT him, I just wanted to BITE him. :doh

It was totally sensory. I would have been equally satisfied with chomping down as hard as I could on... oh I don't know? A squishy nurf ball? A rubber baby teething toy? Something with that kind of soft texture. My poor little brother's arm would have been spared :shifty.

[DancingWithElves]

:hugheart

feel free to temporarily back off the amount of time they are allowed to play :) friendly divorce ;) of course, that is also extra work, just as sensory play. it won't last. they'll keep finding ever new ways to hurt each other. will keep you on your toes.