Help with my almost 4 yo

[Bookworm13]

My son will be 4 this month. In the last couple of months, he has grown increasingly out of control. Yesterday when I was taking him to his class at church, he threw a fit for 15 minutes that included kicking, hitting (both me and the volunteer in his class) and yelling ("Bad Mommy! You're a bad, bad Mommy!"). My shins are bruised from this incident. Incidents like this are a daily occurrence and happen whenever he doesn't get his way, whether it's that I gave him the wrong color plate or the wrong snack or whatever. When he finally calms down, he reverts to infantile behavior including baby talk and wanting to be carried. I was so stressed out after yesterday's fit that it took me half way through the service to calm down. For the record, he is the middle child with a brother in Kindergarten and a baby brother who is 9 months old. Any advice?
Thanks!

~Stephanie

[mommylobster]

My son did the same thing. Does it go in waves? one month is better and then you have a stretch where its not?

[AmyDoll]

Can you hold him in a bear hug so he can't hurt you? Or move away?
For the plate - I would put his lunch on it & say - this is your lunch and move. If the plate is wrong - he can choose to use "kind" words. "Mommy may I please have the blue plate"
I find that I'm typically big enough to control my 4yo's body when he's not able to do it himself. If you hold him in a bear hug, you'll be behind him & can whisper in his ear to calm him down.
"Mommy will NOT let you hurt with your body. You need to STOP yourself from hitting & kicking. Keep your legs STILL."

:hugs Being hurt by little people is HARD.

[mommylobster]

I love the idea of using the bear hug I just couldn't find a way to hold him that I didn't get hurt. I often had to move away from him or use the bear hug and hope for the best.

Just a word of caution: if you use the bear hug watch out of the backwards head butt :shifty

I was in a rush before when I posted and I wanted to add that with my DS's behavior goes in waves. It seemed like one month would be good and then it would increasingly get worse over a few months and then we'd have another better month.

At about 4.5 I noticed the waves to be smaller. Less hard days and the hard days are not as bad.

If it is more constant maybe it could be food allergies :shrug I am really not knowledgeable in that area though so I don't have any advice.

:hug

[Bookworm13]

Mommylobster-Yes! It does seem to go in waves. Wonder why?

AmyDoll-Yesterday I hadn't yet dropped the baby off in the nursery so I was still carrying him. I will try the bear hug though. He tends to stiffen himself so it might be difficult. But it's better than what's happening now! At home I usually just move out of his way. Until he goes for me or the baby. :( I have to admit that I was pretty embarrassed yesterday at church.
:) Thanks!

---------- Post added at 04:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:45 PM ----------

I love the idea of using the bear hug I just couldn't find a way to hold him that I didn't get hurt. I often had to move away from him or use the bear hug and hope for the best.

Just a word of caution: if you use the bear hug watch out of the backwards head butt :shifty

I was in a rush before when I posted and I wanted to add that with my DS's behavior goes in waves. It seemed like one month would be good and then it would increasingly get worse over a few months and then we'd have another better month.

At about 4.5 I noticed the waves to be smaller. Less hard days and the hard days are not as bad.

If it is more constant maybe it could be food allergies :shrug I am really not knowledgeable in that area though so I don't have any advice.

:hug

I AM concerned about allergies--maybe not food, but something. He has a lot of trouble with his ears and the doctor thinks it could be allergy related. We talked about allergy testing and will probably revisit that at his well visit this month.

And I'll be on the look out for the head butt. He's a strong little guy. :/

[AmyDoll]

Pollen is getting to be an issue here - I don't know if it is where you are. I give my kids children's claritin. People who feel bad act bad.

Regarding your embarrassment: Don't *own* your kid's behavior. It's his. *You* own your response. I find it MUCH easier to parent my kids in public when I don't attach myself to their behavior.

[mommylobster]

Regarding your embarrassment: Don't *own* your kid's behavior. It's his. *You* own your response. I find it MUCH easier to parent my kids in public when I don't attach myself to their behavior.

:yes :hug

Try to block everyone else out and just pretend like its just you and him and do what you would do at home. Do people say anything to you when it happens? If its just looks, ignore them. If they say something either ignore them or have a short phrase that basically says "I've got this thanks" or "buzz off", yah buzz thats a good word :shifty

One thing we found for DS is that he could not handle the combination of sugar, corn syrup and dyes. He could handle a reasonable amount of sugar but not the combination. I discovered it one day when a neighbor girl gave him ONE gummy worm and we had a crazy afternoon. A couple weeks later she offered another and I thought maybe it wasn't the candy so I said yes to one and it was another crazy day. From then on we eliminated all foods with that combo (I was shocked when I saw that the yogurt we were giving him had all 3). He did ok with chocolate so that is the main treat that he got, even still today (I find that the more expensive chocolate has better ingredients as apposed to chocolate bars).

I know that it wasn't the cause of the waves but it made the bad days much worse.

[Bookworm13]

I didn't notice any unkind looks yesterday (although other times I have) and those who said something to me were very sympathetic. But I felt like there were a dozen spotlights on us. After I dropped the baby off, I was able to find a place to talk to him and get him calmed down. I know I let my stress govern my reactions too...

Pollen is bad here too. I'm not sure what, if anything, his allergies are. Thinking about what he ate yesterday, he'd had cereal (KIX?) and a blueberry nutri-grain bar.

On a happy note, he had a pretty good day today. :)

Thanks for the support.