Allison
04-02-2011, 09:32 AM
Earlier in my parenting journey I would become quite disturbed when I witnessed less than graceful parenting from friends, family members or strangers. It was difficult to keep quiet and not release my philosophies of parenting on others.
What I found is that my "two-cents" was never well received no matter how gracefully I bestowed it.
Eventually, I became less passionate about how others parented their children and realized that my responsibility was to my own children and that I could model my parenting ideals for others and only offer my opinions, experience, and wisdom if I was asked. (And, frankly, I make mistakes all too often and know I have no place judging the parenting of others unless I am perfect in my own parenting.)
I have also learned something else that is important to consider when one feels tempted to unleash her parenting philosophy on other parents. Planting seeds is more important than a crash course in "how to parent my way". Teaching someone about GBD, even giving them examples of what to do when, does NOT change their thinking about parenting.
Unless you were raised by parents who practiced AP and/or GBD you likely had a shift in your thinking about parenting over time. It's a continual process for most people. These things happen slowly.
If you cannot stop yourself from engaging someone about her parenting it is better to ask her genuine questions. That doesn't mean asking, "Why are you doing that?" or "Why do you spank?" or "Why do you use CIO?"
Instead, be someone that she can talk to about how difficult parenting can be. If she threatens to spank her child while in public, comment about how embarrassing it is when your child does ____ in public, for example.
More than anything, lead by example. Make others wonder how you stay so calm, why you merely redirect, reflect feelings and skip the threats.
Stay informed, be ready to answer questions and don't be discouraged when you see that others are holding fast to their own philosophies. You are already changing the world through your own children.
What I found is that my "two-cents" was never well received no matter how gracefully I bestowed it.
Eventually, I became less passionate about how others parented their children and realized that my responsibility was to my own children and that I could model my parenting ideals for others and only offer my opinions, experience, and wisdom if I was asked. (And, frankly, I make mistakes all too often and know I have no place judging the parenting of others unless I am perfect in my own parenting.)
I have also learned something else that is important to consider when one feels tempted to unleash her parenting philosophy on other parents. Planting seeds is more important than a crash course in "how to parent my way". Teaching someone about GBD, even giving them examples of what to do when, does NOT change their thinking about parenting.
Unless you were raised by parents who practiced AP and/or GBD you likely had a shift in your thinking about parenting over time. It's a continual process for most people. These things happen slowly.
If you cannot stop yourself from engaging someone about her parenting it is better to ask her genuine questions. That doesn't mean asking, "Why are you doing that?" or "Why do you spank?" or "Why do you use CIO?"
Instead, be someone that she can talk to about how difficult parenting can be. If she threatens to spank her child while in public, comment about how embarrassing it is when your child does ____ in public, for example.
More than anything, lead by example. Make others wonder how you stay so calm, why you merely redirect, reflect feelings and skip the threats.
Stay informed, be ready to answer questions and don't be discouraged when you see that others are holding fast to their own philosophies. You are already changing the world through your own children.