No No NO NO

[KrissyLynn]

I feel like a mean mama, everyday, because all day long I feel like I am constantly telling my daughter NO. No dont touch that. No dont eat that. No you cant have that. No get off that. No dont pull that. No dont throw that. No dont hit me. No dont pull my hair.

What are ways I can still get the point across clearly, where I am not saying no all day long? I feel like there are some things that are just a clear, no. Things that are hot, electrical, or can hurt her. Things that are danger basically. But other things....I think there has to be some other way I can say this where the point it clear and still made. I use distraction a lot, but lately shes been like, I will bring her in another room to sit and play and get on the floor with her, and she will turn around and hall buns crawling to where I just removed her from and give me a snarky look and go for it anyways.

Thoughts? I feel like, shes so little, she doesnt understand everything, so thats how NO started coming out, she understands that word, shes only nine months.

[Auroras mom]

Remove the word from your vocabulary, as it does not provide any useful information anyway.

Electrical - "Danger!"

Stove - "Hot!"

Mama's phone "Not for baby - this is for baby (hand an appropriate toy)

If she hits you - "Hands are for loving, gentle touches" - and take her hand in yours and show her gentle touch. Say again "gentle"

If she is persistent in her interest in the item from which you just removed her, consider this a sign of intelligence and strong character. It is a good thing, but does create more work for you. You will have to match her persistence with your own, and be creative to find something else to engage her.

Toddlers need to explore. It is essential. If they are faced with constant "no's", their natural curiosity and learning get stifled. Also, the word no can lose its meaning.

Tell her what "to do" instead of "no." Set up her environment to be as safe as possible, so she can explore freely.

[Mama Rophe]

Save no for the important things like hot, electrical, etc. I use stop for a lot of other things. Baby proof for the rest. Whatever you don't want her to be touching must be moved up to where she can't get it. She is being a baby and exploring her environment. It's natural. Let her safely explore.

---------- Post added at 01:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:43 PM ----------

I posted right after Aurora's mom. I totally agree with her on using no. It is a very easy word to use though. :shifty

[Auroras mom]

Save no for the important things like hot, electrical, etc. I use stop for a lot of other things. Baby proof for the rest. Whatever you don't want her to be touching must be moved up to where she can't get it. She is being a baby and exploring her environment. It's natural. Let her safely explore.

---------- Post added at 01:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:43 PM ----------

I posted right after Aurora's mom. I totally agree with her on using no. It is a very easy word to use though. :shifty

Oh yeah totally. I used to default to it like a motor boat almost if dd was moving faster toward a danger than I could get to her "nonononononono..." (said really fast) LoL. I got better at saying loudly "stop" or "danger" at those times, as I practiced.

[deena]

Also, do a lot of "setting them up for success" like giving them something to do when you need them to be quiet and removing things from their reach that you don't want them to touch.

Also, and this is probably obvious- you probably already thought of this or you wouldn't have written the post... lighten up. :shifty Be a "yes" mom. :)

Ack! I just re-read that. We're talking about a 9 month old? You can curb most "no"s with "Setting up for success" at this age.

[J3K]

I will bring her in another room to sit and play and get on the floor with her, and she will turn around and hall buns crawling to where I just removed her from and give me a snarky look and go for it anyways.

Good grief do I remember those days. :hug It does get easier. Promise.

A point to make : She's not giving you a snarky look. I know it FEELS that way , but she's not. She's curious and trying to tell you "this is what I want". If at all possible remove it from her line of sight. Just up a couple of inches should do the trick. Everything is so new to her. She's never seen an electrical cord before. Never noticed. It feels weird , it's usually brightly colored , it's right at her level , what's not to like about that ? AND it gets her all sorts of funny attention too. She's not quite sure what to do with all that. She's learning about consequences... If I do it again will the same thing happen ?

I wonder what definition of "distraction" you are working off of. I found your term a bit odd "I bring her to another room".... That's physically removing the child from the situation and hoping she doesn't remember ? Not trying to be mean or snarky :giggle but wondering why you don't use toys or something. If you try to leave the room everytime she gets in to something...wow. You'll be walking out A LOT. And yes , sometimes that is the answer , but sometimes it's not. kwim ?

I think moving things out of her line of sight combined with reworking your vocabulary to erase the word "NO" combined with deciding what is really 'dangerous' will really help your daily living. Example: Coasters aren't really dangerous , they are just a pitb to put back. She may like to crawl in her daddy's shoes that he left by the front door,and yea it might be a bit gross , but it's not "dangerous". kwim ? It wouldn't be a "no" in my house , it'd be a "okay..that's enough of that , those are DIRTY."

OH...combine everything else mentioned here with some sit down play. Something tactile to do. Remember she WILL put it in her mouth. So safe playdough , finger rhymes , exploring her world , etc....Every day is a new experience for her.


:hug

[klpmommy]

I've only read the OP.

Make the home as child safe as possible. Gates, outlet covers, etc, etc.

Redirect. Instead of "no" give her something else to do: she's heading down the hall, scoop her up, tickle her toes and go to the couch to read a book together. At this age, a lot of it is just a game. So play with her. She does something you don't want her to do, distract her with something much more fun than watching mom react. I discovered that just giving my kids a toy at that age wasn't distraction enough, I *had* to play with them to make the toy interesting enough.

But honestly, get the home as child safe as possible. It will save you a ton of stress and her a ton of frustration.

[Aisling]

Something that helped me immensely when my olders were small was getting ahead of them...not spending my day following and chasing, but proactively giving my littles something TO do, and then instructing from there.

As the previous moms mentioned, give her information as you direct. "That hurts, mommy. I won't let you hurt me. :hug "

If your daughter's a crawler, I'd invest in a gate, pronto. :wink I'd also do some research on age-appropriate behavior and childhood development...Ames and Ilg's "Your One Year Old" is a great place to start. :tu She's far, far to young to even understand snark. She's simply more interested in what she was doing previously, which is very healthy and age appropriate. She's an intelligent girlie. :rockon

[rjy9343]

While you are buying your gates and outlet covers, you may want to pick up a few boxes to store things as well as something to cover and hide cables. We moved right before our daughter was born and thought we baby proofed as we unpacked. Boy were we ever wrong. :doh

[magpiedpiper]

:hug2

My dd is a super boundary tester, and always has been. One thing that helped was the baby proofing, as others have mentioned. I literally got down on the floor at her level and tried to look at things as though I had never seen them before. I have to re-evaluate this often when I realize she has sprouted again and the baby-proof "line" needs to move higher. Usually not until I have to ask "HOW did you get that?!" lol

Those box outlet covers and power strip covers were a saving grace. And lot of locks and gates and furniture straps for peace of mind for me, and for setting her up for success.

[RedPetals]

I agree with the baby proofing.

Then if there were things I couldn't remove, but she shouldn't touch, I just removed her over & over again with my choice phrase (we don't eat shoes, no cords, hands off, hot). She eventually got it, but sometimes I literally picked her up & moved her to a distraction 5x in a row, just to have her go right back.

[J3K]

It's important to note when a child this age repeatedly goes for the same object after being distracted or redirected that they aren't being defiant. Or snarky. Or manipulative. They are being CURIOUS. A very healthy curiosity that will feed them if we don't squash it. When their curiosity takes them to something dangerous , and it can't be moved (like the stove knobs), that we redirect a thousand times if necessary. Use language. I find if I didn't use "NO" then when I had to use it , it was much more effective.

[klpmommy]

It's important to note when a child this age repeatedly goes for the same object after being distracted or redirected that they aren't being defiant. Or snarky. Or manipulative. They are being CURIOUS. A very healthy curiosity that will feed them if we don't squash it. When their curiosity takes them to something dangerous , and it can't be moved (like the stove knobs), that we redirect a thousand times if necessary. Use language. I find if I didn't use "NO" then when I had to use it , it was much more effective.

:doh Such a good point & reminder. DH does a lot of at-home building projects and keeps tools in his easy reach. Many, many times the best thing to do to keep them away from the tools was to let them hold them w/ his supervision, let them "use" them with him. Sometimes providing them their own version of the tool was helpful as well. But the curiousity was met. :yes

[KrissyLynn]

Thanks everyone. When we leave the room, its after 10 times of removing to distract with something else, and her just going right back over to the NO zone. I am pretty much on the floor with her most of the day, but as all moms there are times I need to keep her distracted while I do something without her. I agree that it wasnt a snarky look on her part, but it sure did feel like it to me, even though I knew logically, it wasnt snark or manipulation or anything like that. My house isnt as baby proofed as I would like, but we have gates and outlet plugs and what not. The only cord she gets to is the laptop cords when someone leaves theirs out or the fans in the summer. I swear that no matter how much I vaccum or sweep, she is my carpet cleaner. The rooms that arent baby proofed well, are the rooms we arent in. I like the ideas for what other things to say. She doesn't easily distract when she really wants something badly, its basically a tantrum. She cries and throws herself around and bites and kicks....this a nine month old, I was not ready for this yet! I've never left her to CIO, but I have put her in her crib before while I sat in the rocking chair singing LALALALALA really loud or some other ridiculous sound. Those are my end of the rope times, thankfully they are far and few between, but if I dont get things going smoother soon here I fear they will be more frequent. I am excited that its warming up and we can go outside. Being outside does so much good for her. And she naps great when we come in- which is great for me! Go away winter!