how do i gently discourage...

[Chaos Coordinator]

H has been rather bossy lately with telling people where to look when. like if he wants you to look directly at something, he will grab your face and turn it, screaming "HEY, HEY" all the while. i am not sure that this is something he picked up from anywhere as much as it is just something that he came up with on his own and has continued doing because it works.

he does the opposite too - if you are looking at him, or looking at your food, or something, and he gets his bossy britches on, he will physically turn your head and say "No, mama" or "No dad" or whatever.


how do i make it clear to him that this is pushing boundaries? should i give him an alternative or something? his receptive language is pretty good for his age, is there a way to simply explain it? idk, i never in a million years imagined this sort of issue coming up :scratch but i guess he is nothing like i was as a kid :giggle

[klpmommy]

how old is he?

[Chaos Coordinator]

25 mos.

[Waterlogged]

if K violates a personal boundary with my body, i put her down. unless he's 5 feet tall, he can't reach your face if you put him down and stand up. then you can teach him to point and say "Look" or something.

[klpmommy]

He's the same age as R. And sounds like he has about the same language skills. ;)

I'd just use my hands to help him take his hands off my face gently and give him the words to say "Oh! You want me to look at this? Okay!"

It really isn't bossy and thinking of it that way isn't helpful. :hug It is a lack of communicative skills. Once he gets more language you will see a ton of improvement. :yes

[Waterlogged]

and FTR, I have a very short fuse for getting poked/prodded/touched funny, so i have to put her down so i don't get inordinately mad. it's my own personal boundary.

[WingsOfTheMorning]

It really isn't bossy and thinking of it that way isn't helpful. :hug

:yes DD is a talker and sounds very bossy sometimes. I really have to remind myself that even if she can talk really well, all the subtlties of how to politely ask for things or get my attention or state her own boundaries are going to take a while to learn.

Similar to what the others said, I would figure out what you want him to do instead of pushing your face. Like, is patting your hand something you'd be okay with? And then give him a word that he can say like "Look." And expect to repeat it A LOT. ;)

I don't really talk about body boundaries yet w/ Lydia. I just let her enforce her own boundaries in appropriate ways, such as putting her hand out and saying "no kisses."

[Chaos Coordinator]

and when he doesn't want me to look somewhere? i understand not looking at him, but when i am looking at something else and he tells me no? he thinks its funny but yeah, it pushes my buttons. plus i dont want him doing it to someone else.

[klpmommy]

I look at what I want to, but I will be silly about it. "Can I look at it like an elephant?" "Can I look at it like an ant?" etc. Or if it is not looking at him I will make it into peek a boo.

2 y/o's love slapstick humor. I try to oblige that when possible. ;)

[Chaos Coordinator]

thank you kimberly! sometimes i think these things should be obvious :doh but i guess it just pushes that button and makes me all DONT TOUCH ME feeling. i'm sure pregnancy doesn't help that.

[Joanne]

thank you kimberly! sometimes i think these things should be obvious :doh but i guess it just pushes that button and makes me all DONT TOUCH ME feeling. i'm sure pregnancy doesn't help that.

There is a lot of patient and kind advice in this thread.

I want to be the one to say that it is ok if you don't like your face directed by another human and if you don't have enough in you to playful parent at that moment. The natural consequence to his behavior is mom is irritated. :shrug3 It's an irritating behavior. For some of us, it could really change our whole perspective for a while - it is a violation. Yea, maybe we should work on that. :shifty:shrug3 But maybe it's also simply ok to issue a firm/stern "Don't do that".