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View Full Version : 4.5yo ds whining and hollering Help!


Amythestmama
03-14-2011, 05:13 PM
Help!
Ds1, 4.5 is making me feel crazy.:O
Example 1: We're sitting down to eat a meal. He rarely eats veggies, never eats fruit. So I have a rule that he has to eat 4 bites of whatever veggie is on the table (like 4 green beans). Now he's eaten beans for several months now with this rule, but for whatever reason, he decides he doesn't want to eat the beans. So he sits there and hollers in this loud whiny voice "I don't like beans! I won't eat them! I won't eat them! Ahhh! EEE! I hate beans! You can't make me eat them!" on and on and on.... Makes me insane! If I say, "You may not leave the table until you eat the beans" he bawls and continues this whiny diatribe until its time to leave to go to school and then says he's eaten the beans and we go. More often than not, I find that he's simply moved the beans onto someone else's plate or thrown them away. (He tell me later, laughing about it)
Example 2: We went into a small store to get a gift item. Everything is way too pricy for me and when he asks for candy, I say no. Ds2(3.5) says ok and just stands there. Ds1 jumps around squealing and whining *loudly* that he wants candy and why won't I buy him candy and I never buy him candy and on and on and on. I repeat myself 2 times when he's yanking on my clothes yelling that he wants candy. I ask him to stand quietly and wait until I can pay or sit on the chairs and wait quietly. No, he keeps up this whiny diatribe until we're walking out the door. Now, I was going to buy them each a 60 cent chocolate at the register. But I hadn't said that I would, and the fuss made me decide not to buy the candy.
Now these things happen frequently. Like asking to go out to eat. I don't like to do that very often b/c #1, dh doesn't approve, #2 its expensive! #3 its not the best thing to eat. But ds wails and carries on like there's no tomorrow when I say no.
So, I am at my wits end here. I know what dh will say, He'll launch into this lecture about how stupid and naughty it is to act that way, how that's being a pig. He'll tell me to spank ds. I'm trying to figure out what ds is really saying here, what he really wants/needs and those things aren't the answer. So please help!

Psyche
03-14-2011, 05:23 PM
:shifty :popcorn

MarynMunchkins
03-14-2011, 06:25 PM
Hide the veggies in things he won't notice or just offer and ignore. He's 4. He's trying to have as much power as he can in his life, and if you don't battle, he can't win the war. ;) Do smoothies, zucchini bread, purees...there are options for hiding food.

Before we go into a store, I remind my kids of the rules and whether we're there to look or buy. If we aren't planning to buy anything, I try to have a snack. Often mine get hungry while we're out, and having something in the car helps cut back on the whining.

Are you reflecting feelings? That's a big deal for my 4 yo. :) More often than not, though, I reflect feelings once for her and then if she keeps going, I move her to her room so she can complain without an audience. She usually takes 10 minutes to sob about her awful life and horrible mom and then comes down to apologize. :giggle

I've also noticed that a LOT of her tantums are related to her having to pee, so we often take a bathroom trip when she's more unreasonable that is typical for her. :)

L-Boogie
03-15-2011, 12:55 PM
Hide the veggies in things he won't notice or just offer and ignore. He's 4. He's trying to have as much power as he can in his life, and if you don't battle, he can't win the war. ;) Do smoothies, zucchini bread, purees...there are options for hiding food.

Before we go into a store, I remind my kids of the rules and whether we're there to look or buy. If we aren't planning to buy anything, I try to have a snack. Often mine get hungry while we're out, and having something in the car helps cut back on the whining.

Are you reflecting feelings? That's a big deal for my 4 yo. :) More often than not, though, I reflect feelings once for her and then if she keeps going, I move her to her room so she can complain without an audience. She usually takes 10 minutes to sob about her awful life and horrible mom and then comes down to apologize. :giggle

I've also noticed that a LOT of her tantums are related to her having to pee, so we often take a bathroom trip when she's more unreasonable that is typical for her. :)

:yes

and I would tell my dc that the rule is "Lower your voice in the store (my 4 yo is just plain loud sometimes at home.) Stay with me and no whining (whatever your store 'rules' are)." before we go inside.
As soon as any whining started, I would take her outside or to the car or go home.
We also have a rule for treats... "when you ask, the answer is 'no'. Mommy or daddy will tell you if it's time for a treat." and then offer a healthy snack or something else to do and offer a treat later as a surprise :) This has helped cut down on the asking/pestering A LOT.

I would drop the green beans thing. Doesn't sound like it's working for either of you. Either hide veggies or give more options or just try a new approach maybe :shrug3 try making it fun. Arrange them in shapes, offer dips, give choices...