outlining consequences all day?

[SweetCaroline]

i feel like i do this all day long.
if you cant play with the sit and spin safely- im going to need to take it for a while
if you're going to keep dumping your cereal out- you're going to need to leave the table
if you cant be gentle with that book- you'll have to put it away and get a different one
if you insist on pouring your drink out again- its going in a sippy cup

its starting to feel like threats? its not, but it feels like im threatening them with the consequences that will take place if they choose to continue in that action. i DO have alot of children that i have to do this with all day. that could be why it feels this way.
can someone talk about this with me? is this how it looks at you house?

[DoulaClara]

:yes With my 3.5 year old, absolutely! When I taught kindergarten, I did it all day long, too, with 5-6 year olds. Kids really do get so excited about using materials and toys that sometimes the fact that they have heard and even perhaps have repeated back rules before that time goes out the window and it needs to be said again. This is the age range to repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. It's going to eventually stick.

I like to give G a reminder about expectations before I take out materials. Like, "When you are painting, your water cup stays right at the table. If it comes off the table, we will be all done." And then if I see her starting to try to get down, water cup in hand, I remind her- "Remember where the water cup stays..."

[AmyDoll]

Yes, the other thing you can do is go through the house & put up the things that drive you the most batty and do thing to keep your calm - like, only serve drinks in sippys.

[allisonintx]

You can also phrase it with a "What TO do" statement, if you're feeling like a negative nelly all the time.

"Remember to eat your cereal properly, so that you may stay at the table and finish it."

"Remember to use the sit-n-spin appropriately so that you get more time to play with it"

[NewCovenantMama]

The consequences you are setting out seem reasonable to me. However, you might want to phrase them differently:

"Can you play with the sit and spin safely, or do you need me to look after it for a while?"

"Sitting at the table is for people whose food is either in their plate/bowl or in their mouth. Can you do this, or do you need to go somewhere else until you are ready to keep your cereal in the bowl until it goes into your mouth?"

"Can you be gentle with the book, or do you need me to help you put it away until you can be gentle with it?" Or, "Can you be gentle with the book by yourself, or do you need my help?" Then physically help him/her to be gentle with it. If he/she resists, "Oh, you're having trouble being gentle. Let's put it away and try again later."

"Can you keep the drink inside the cup until it goes in your mouth, or do you need a sippy cup to help you?"

I find it helps to think in terms of "solutions" and "needs" rather than "consequences". That helps me not to package things as a threat :) .

HTH

[SweetCaroline]

I find it helps to think in terms of "solutions" and "needs" rather than "consequences". That helps me not to package things as a threat :) .

HTH

i do a fair amount of this too..

[WanderingJuniper]

I do it virtually the entire time my children are home. :shrug I have one who pushes the boundaries constantly. It is as though she finds her comfort making sure the boundary is still there and reassuring herself she knows what the consequence is. Exhausting but just part of life around here.

[ArmsOfLove]

it kind of is a threat :shrug3 Not a bad, angry, unreasonable one, but you're giving your children the option of misbehaving and stating in advance what will happen if they do. I'd suggest not giving them the option :rockon


if you cant play with the sit and spin safely- im going to need to take it for a while You need to play safely on the sit and spin. Sit down.

if you're going to keep dumping your cereal out- you're going to need to leave the table Cereal doesn't get dumped! Give me the bowl if you are done.

if you cant be gentle with that book- you'll have to put it away and get a different oneBooks require gentleness--here, let's practice touching this book with gentle hands :heart

if you insist on pouring your drink out again- its going in a sippy cup Here--you keep dumping so we're putting that in a sippy cup. You can try again later to use a big cup.

[SweetCaroline]

it kind of is a threat :shrug3 Not a bad, angry, unreasonable one, but you're giving your children the option of misbehaving and stating in advance what will happen if they do. I'd suggest not giving them the option :rockon

You need to play safely on the sit and spin. Sit down.

Cereal doesn't get dumped! Give me the bowl if you are done.

Books require gentleness--here, let's practice touching this book with gentle hands :heart

Here--you keep dumping so we're putting that in a sippy cup. You can try again later to use a big cup.

you know what?.. i have been doing this the past few days as dad has gone back to work and im home alone w/ kids again. BUT- i was trying to swing back into the format origionally stated in my OP. i guess i thought i was being too domineering?
mabey what youre saying is good :think

[Stiina]

just subbing...love learning about all the little challenges in gbd! :hearts

[Leen]

I like to give G a reminder about expectations before I take out materials. Like, "When you are painting, your water cup stays right at the table. If it comes off the table, we will be all done." And then if I see her starting to try to get down, water cup in hand, I remind her- "Remember where the water cup stays..."

I do this, too. My DD is 3.25 and has responded *really* well lately to the idea of "rules" -- I'll state a rule, and then have her repeat it back to me, while looking in my eyes. Usually she has no idea what I said on the first try, but she gets it pretty quickly when we say it back and forth a few times. And the thing is, she actually remembers the rules later on, then! :rockon It's helped a lot around here.

But there's still definitely a LOT of repeating consequences, rules, scripts...it makes me :crazy2 most days, and I only have one DD (plus a child I nanny for)!

[ArmsOfLove]

you know what?.. i have been doing this the past few days as dad has gone back to work and im home alone w/ kids again. BUT- i was trying to swing back into the format origionally stated in my OP. i guess i thought i was being too domineering?
mabey what youre saying is good :think

if children are misbehaving you are giving too much freedom--they should have room to wander ONLY within the boundaries of what is acceptable. If they have the option of choosing to misbehave you're being permissive :)

[MomtoJGJ]

The other thing is to decide where you are going to set your boundaries.... decide what is TRULY important. Using your examples....

To me, if they spill water they clean it up and don't get more if it was on purpose. If they are too little to truly get that yet (like Evie) they only get a tiny bit of water each time (like a shot glass less than half full) until they get it.

A sit and spin is a toy... We do not let them abuse their toys, but as long as it's not close to breaking the toy we let them do it. If the older kids are standing on the sit and spin we warn them that they might get hurt and that we would suggest they sit, but it's not a boundary we set... if they want to ensure they don't get hurt they'll sit.

This is a boundary here, but not until they are older, like 3 or 4 and up... we script it for Evie, but she gets more than one chance. You dumped your cereal out.... are you done? if you still want to eat you need to leave the food in your bowl. (second time) ok... I'll put this on the counter for when you want it... go play :) Same with books...

[mommy2abigail]

if children are misbehaving you are giving too much freedom--they should have room to wander ONLY within the boundaries of what is acceptable. If they have the option of choosing to misbehave you're being permissive :)

:jawdrop Wow. That just made SO much sense!!! :yes Seriously, I'm sitting here speechless because I've never heard it phrased so simply. Wow. Ok really I am speechless, so I'm gonna stop trying to put my words down.:shifty:giggle Thank you so much Crystal. :heart