Sharing - mountains of toys?

[CrazyChick]

I have a 5.5 yr old L, and a 2.5 yr old A, - both boys. There are lots of sibling issues - starting off when A was younger with L hitting and hurting him at any opportunity - even when A was in my arms, (i have never been able to leave them alone together even for a few minutes) and which has progressed into almost constant fighting and bickering.

We have never enforced sharing as part of the attempt to help L not resent A. Obviously L was around for 3 years before A came along so a huge proportion of the enormous amount of toys we have in the house where origionally bought for L. We have put a lock on L's door so he can lock toys he doesnt want A to have access to, in his room. However, L's room is jam packed - literally all over the floor toys piled up - its impossible to get to the window to open shut the curtains without standing on the toys and i am 37wks preg so its also rather dangerous for me and will probably be even more so once i'm slinging a newborn about aswell.

We also have a playroom packed with toys that belong to both boys individually, but that on the whole they dont mind sharing - however, L will often randomly decide that a toy A is playing with is his and he doesnt want to share it anymore and will lay claim to it and carry it off to his room despite the fact that A has played with on many occassions before.

Me and dh feel that the situation is getting rather ridiculous but i'm not sure what approach to take to change things - dh just wants L to have a few extra special toys in his room and declare all other toys sharing toys - i see the appeal hugely, but i'm not sure that that is the right thing to do and wanted to check here first to see what others do or would do so i have different options to choose from cos i know dhs option would cause WW3 around here.

[Calee]

Around here, there are very few things that are "special only for one child" items.

Toys that were bought when G was an only child, are shared. They just are. (Except for lovies and a very few other truly special items).

Hoarding in his room countless items just for the sake of hoarding wouldn't be ok, here :hug2. I typically can tell the difference between "this is truly very special/ new and important to me" and "I just don't want you to touch it"....

[SweetCaroline]

Around here, there are very few things that are "special only for one child" items.

"....
here too. everbody has a special blanket that they dont have to share.
BUT- each of my children have a thing thats theirs that only gets given to them when they are having quiet time.
dd has a purse and a deck of cards that are just hers for quiet time
ds2 has markers
ds1 has legos

mabey your older 1 can have a couple of special items that ds2 never has access to

[bolt.]

We are also a 'most of the toys are for all of the children' household. We also do 'if there is any trouble over any toy, it goes on top of the fridge'.

[Kiara.I]

Well, it sounds like the first problem is that there are *too many* toys. What about just packing a bunch of them up? Some moms rotate through 2 or 3 "sets" of toys. Bring one out for a month, pack it up again and bring out the second, etc.

We have never enforced sharing as part of the attempt to help L not resent A.
Understandable, but I think probably not wise as a long-term method. They are brothers. They need to share a lot of things--space, air, talking time, clothes, hugs from parents. :shrug It just is, that's the way families work--you all share. Mom and dad share with L, L can learn to share with A. A will learn to share as well.

We're in the throes of negotiating those conflicts here, too. (Ages 4 and 2) It's...interesting. ;) Sometimes we take turns, sometimes one finds a different toy to offer in trade--these are useful skills that they will need for the rest of their lives.

As to the "scattered all over the floor" Yeah.. We have that too. I hate it. :mutter I need to work on doing regular clean-ups with the kids--which they don't currently like. :sigh Ain't it fun? ;)

[abbiroads]

My boys can keep toys in or on thier dressers that they don't want to share. If they are left laying around they are for anyone to play with.

[tazmom]

It sounds like you have way too many toys. We had that problem too. At first, we had to reduce the number of toys for them. We sent them away for the day, sorted and got rid of the toys, and when they came back to a nicely organized playroom they didn't even notice the missing toys. Over the years, I worked a lot on teaching the kids how to sort and declutter the toys themselves with guidance.

My girls each have a small box (about 2x2x2) for their own toys that they don't have to share. It stays in their rooms. All other toys are stored in the family area and are for anyone to play with. After each gift getting occasion, I make sure they know that in 2 weeks all toys will be community property.

[CrazyChick]

Looks like most of you already work something similar to dh's plan then. I cant particulary see another way to do it myself but thought someone might have come up with some master mind plan lol!!! It feels good to hear what others here do - its kinda just like the little bit of reassurance i need to help me make changes without feeling like i'm being some sort of dictator parent. Thank you for sharing!

[Sparrow]

We are also a 'most of the toys are for all of the children' household. We also do 'if there is any trouble over any toy, it goes on top of the fridge'.

we do this too.

---------- Post added at 03:38 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:34 PM ----------

we also had to get rid of toys. They haven't noticed.

I'd take all the toys that you know that L hasn't played with in a long time. Take the ones that are no longer age appropriate, and donate them.
Could you approach him and have him pick some? We had some go to our church nursery, some have gone to my parents' house for when the kids go there, and some have gone to charity.

Also, maybe get some special storage boxes for L for his 'specials'. We did that for the playmobil in our house.