Strong-willed vs. Strong-minded

[Kiara.I]

I was going to weigh in on the "Were You Strong-Willed" thread--but wasn't sure I should. And then that led to some more thinking about it...and this thread is the result. :giggle

Let's see if I can put it in order.

I have always assumed I was strong-willed. Peer pressure? That was the thing that *I* applied when my friends were doing something I thought was going to be bad for them. Nobody did it to me. :shrug

So then I found Cynthia Tobias' book "Redefining the Strong-Willed Woman" and she's got a quiz in there to see if you're strong-willed. :giggle And I wasn't! :jawdrop I kept answering the questions "well, I *used* to be like that...but I grew up!" I was confused. Was I not really strong-willed?

I discussed this with a pastor at our church, and she said that I wasn't strong-willed, I was strong-minded. People who are strong-willed *need* to have THEIR WILL. Whatever it is. Whereas people who are strong-minded stick to convictions, no problem, but aren't invested in needing to have exactly their will. And they're open to having their convictions changed by new information.

Then I was reading a couple of threads on here about dealing with strong-willed children, and people were saying that if they just felt listened to, then it was fine, but if they felt ignored then they would dig in their heels and argue.

Then I was thinking about how I was raised. For the most part, my parents explained to me why things were necessary. I was given choices. They did not have a particularly adversarial paradigm. I was treated as "a little grown-up" (my aunt, especially, thought they were insane... :giggle)

Now I'm wondering if "strong-willed" grows up into "strong-minded" if it's allowed to do so. But if my parents hadn't chosen to parent the way they did, perhaps I would have scored differently on that quiz? Perhaps I would be the quintessential "strong-willed"? Perhaps adversarial parenting, or of course many other factors, could play into not allowing "strong-willed" to become all it should be, and leave it stuck in "This is what I want SO I WANT IT!"?

I'm sure that all things are on a spectrum, so probably there were kids out there who were much stronger willed than I was, and maybe that plays into it too.

But what do you think? Do you think there's a difference between "strong-willed" and "strong-minded"? Does "strong-willed" mature into "strong-minded" given the opportunity? Or are they different things at the core? :think

[melliethepooh]

:think never heard it put that way. I've definitely taken 'strong willed' assessments and said, like you, that it used to describe me to a T but not any longer...

[jujubnme]

:think Those are some very interesting thoughts. I was about as compliant as they come, and ds is a bit like that too, so I don't have personal experience to draw upon. But I'm interested in hearing this conversation...

:cup

[Kiara.I]

I want to hear the conversation too! :giggle
But first more people need to answer the thread. So, :bump

[Serafine]

IMtotally relate to your post. (you are surprised by that, I bet, aren't you? :lol)

[L-Boogie]

:cup